Barstool Sports

Arbroath – An Australian traveller says he was horrified to find a live koala for sale at a restaurant in southern China where the menu was offering the iconic marsupial for dinner in either “braised or stewed” varieties. A sign on the cage holding the animal advertised “koalas” for purchase at a rate of 139 yuan ($A20) for 500 grams. It was one of a number of live exotic animals, including birds and fish, on display at the restaurant in Panyu district, Guangdong. The traveller, who visited the area last week, got down on his hands and knees and snapped a photograph of the caged animal, which was lying next to a carrot. The man’s colleague told radio 3AW he was stunned to be given the option of eating the cuddly creature. “It’s 100 per cent right, that photo,” the caller said. “There’s a carrot in the cage, the idiots have put a carrot in there. The restaurant had a large selection of birds, fish and other sorts of exotic animals on display that the diner could chose from for their gastronomic delight.” A later caller suggested that animal was an Asian “tree bear” of some variety, but the traveller who took the photograph said he was convinced it was a koala. It prompted a call from Melbourne businessman Geoff Balsillie, who was similarly disturbed recently to find live caged animals for sale in a restaurant in an area neighbouring Panyu in southern China.

I don’t normally consider myself a real adventurous eater. I usually count on chicken, steak, burgers, and dozens of bowls of cereal to keep this well-oiled machine of a body running tip top. But if I were on vacation in some weird Southern Chinese restaurant and saw “Braised Koala” on the menu, you can bet all the yen in your pocket that I’m gonna get me some of that koala steak.

Korean moving squid and live octupus — eff that noise. Not trying to have something fight me in my mouth while I’m chewing. And insects are straight-up nasty. But sit me down in front of a steak and I’m pretty sure I’d be willing to give it a try. Koala? I’m with it. Emu? I’m with it. Human? Were they Chinese? No thanks, too lean for my taste.

I never respected the idea that some animals deserve preferential treatment over others when it comes to meat. People are willing to die for dolphins, whales, and dogs, but will eat a cow like it didn’t even matter. Cows are mammals, too. They got feelings and shit. That’s why I don’t discriminate. I’m not saying I’m walking around hungry dying to eat a bunch of koala bears, I’m just saying I don’t see why it’s so crazy. Slice that bitch up and sautee his ass with some onions and eucalyptus. Probably a solid taste combo.

Would you eat Koala? Vote 1 for that’s gross and 10 for throw him on the grill.
(134 votes, average: 6.19 out of 10)
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Top 5 Animal Meat Bucket List:
1. Lion
2. Panda
3. Tiger
4. Elephant
5. Dolphin