nymagThere’s reason to believe male jurors will be biased against overweight, female defendants. In a mock trial-ish study, Yale psychologists found that men were “significantly more likely” to find obese women guilty, Slate reports. The study presented the same check fraud case to 471 pretend jurors but paired the case with one of four images (big guy, little guy, big lady, little lady), asking the participants to rate their guilt on a five-point scale. “No fat bias emerged when the female pretend peers evaluated the female pretend defendants or when either men or women assessed the guilt of the men,” Katy Waldman writes. But when men assessed the guilt of women, the obese defendants were much guiltier. Male jurors who were not themselves overweight suspected the obese female defendants “repeat offenders” with “awareness of their crimes.” The study’s authors told Slate that the findings suggested that obese people were stereotyped as “greedy” and “selfish.”

I wonder why men would view obese people as “greedy” or “selfish”. Oh, that’s right, because those characteristics are the exact reason why they’re obese in the first place. Has there ever been an obese person who wasn’t greedy? Never. Ever ever. Because contrary to popular American belief, human beings can only become obese if they are greedy with their food.  Your glands didn’t give you back tits, lady.  Throwing 20 toppings into your Nifty Fifty’s milkshakes did.

I’m not saying that to mock people or make anyone feel bad, it’s just a fact of life. I was a chubby kid myself around 5th grade.  Why?  Too much Crash Bandicoot & Wawa coffee rolls.  Part of the thought process an obese person has to go through when they’re waffling between a mixed green salad and Triple Baconator is whether to choose to do what’s right or to choose to do what’s wrong. And most people who are crazy fat got that way by choosing Baconator 10/10 times.  I’m not saying that it definitely makes them more likely to be guilty of a crime, I’m just saying that it probably makes them more likely to be guilty of a crime.