LBHave your bag of smelling salts at the ready. Chris Vito tells us that the Sixers will not make themselves available for an Andrew Bynum update until 5:30 PM today when Tony DiLeo speaks to the media. This is the kind of move that reeks of bad news they want to sweep under the rug. Well, the rug isn’t big enough to conceal this massive shit.

If it were good news @SIXERSCEOADAM would’ve held the press conference at Noon and livestreamed it on computers, tablets, modern refrigerators – anything with wifi. He would be shouting from the mountaintops about how Bynum will be increasing his activity and how signs are looking good for his quick return. It would have been the perfect way to spend a last-day-before-Christmas break lunch for the entire Delaware Valley and I’d be talking shit on the Knicks and Celtics right this second.

But that’s not what happened, is it?

Late afternoon on a Friday, guys? Why don’t you just come out and say he died while getting his knee scoped instead of making us wait around all day with hope in our hearts like assholes? Well I’m gonna beat you to the punch and kill all of my dreams right now. Andrew “Greg Oden” Bynum’s knees are made of plastic and injected German strudel and he will never play basketball ever again.

If you can manage to make yourself believe that like I just did, anything the Sixers announce tonight will be good news.