LATimesIt’s no surprise that Mountain Dew — already long-known for it caffeine content — is attempting to get into the breakfast drink market, said Jeff Klineman, editor of the BevNet online and print trade publications.The only surprise, he said, was that it took Mountain Dew so long to come out with an official breakfast drink. Already on the market are caffeine-juice combinations Monster Khaos and Rockstar Punched. “Kickstart combines the best of all worlds — it tastes great, has just the right amount of real fruit juice and gives them a kick to help them start their day,” Baker said. The amount of fruit juice Kickstart actually has is 5%, Baker said. As for caffeine, it has 92 milligrams in a 16-ounce can. That compares with 72 milligrams in a regular can of Mountain Dew. Pepsico’s energy drink, Amp, has almost double that — 142 milligrams of caffeine. Kickstart, which will come in two flavors — Fruit Punch and Orange Citrus — will hit store shelves on Feb 25.

Was casually sipping a Jack & Coke in the back of the Electric Factory with the Blackout Tour crew on Saturday when someone offered Dante a 5-Hour Energy. Dude freaked out about how he “wouldn’t put that poison in my body” and had Louis regaling us with stories about how the owner of the company is shady and has no problem murdering us all. It was all very impassioned and convincing. I’m still gonna drink them because obviously I have little concern for my health and future well-being, but it was nice to hear someone speak up against the evils of energy drinks.

Fast forward to today and we’re staring directly into the face of Mountain Dew Caffeinated Breakfast Juice Energy Beverages. Completely legal to buy at a corner store and guzzle 5 of them until your heart explodes. Wild stuff, FDA. Had no idea carbonated cocaine breakfast juice was okay for human consumption.

Some kid somewhere is gonna spend half his school year waking up to Pop Tarts, extra-strength Adderall, and multiple cans of Mountain Dew Caffeine Energy Orange Juice. No way that kid makes it to 30.