vh1Today that wonderful rumor concerns how much Leonardo DiCaprio loves getting colonics. “Leo was introduced to them by [former] girlfriend Erin Heatherton and goes to The Piper Center for Eternal Wellness on Spring Street,” a source from the New York-based clinic reported to HuffPo. “While he was dating Erin, he went four times and was last seen leaving the center on Aug. 22, but hasn’t been back since he broke up with Erin.” Ah, the things we do for love. On a semi-related note, the joy we feel must be what the Grinch felt when his heart grew three sizes that day. The source continued, “Like a lot of guys, Leo took a while to be convinced to try one.” Unlike us ladies, who love getting a hose filled with pressurized water shoved in our poopers! “It can be very embarrassing, but now that he has had one, he loves it,” they claim. He. Loves. It. Maybe it makes us bad people, but we feel like George Bailey running home at the end of It’s A Wonderful Life right now. Merry Christmas, you wonderful old Building And Loan! Merry Christmas, Leonardo DiCaprio’s alleged love of manual colon cleansing!

I may not be on the Leo DiCaprio blowjob team like some of the other bloggers on this site, but game still recognizes game. Leo’s getting colonics — maurice’s getting colonics. It’s really that simple.

While I never imagined having a rubber tube shoved in my asshole and filling my insides with “warm, filtered water” that would cause “muscles of the colon to contract” and “push feces out through [a] hose to be disposed in a closed waste system”, there’s obviously a considerable benefit here [about.com]. Why else would a man of means and stature like Leo go through such an exercise? Power wash the inside of my colon while a doctor carefully analyzes my rapidly-filling dookie bag? Talk about luxury.

Listen, you clumpy colon suckers can stick with your enemas and badet toilets if you want. Leo’s shown me the true path and I ain’t stopping until my butt is clean enough to eat from.