[Click for bigger] [left to right] Tupac Shakur, Harriet Tubman, Martin Luther King & Coretta Scott-King, Rosa Parks(?), Barack Obama & Michelle Obama, Huey Newton, Malcolm X & Betty Shabazz, Nelson Mandela, Muhammad Ali, Bob Marley

Stopped me in my tracks. Immediately boxed-out an elderly Jamaican lady so I could catch a clearer glimpse of this epic masterpiece in all of its psycho-ethnic glory. Ho-ly SHIT. I mean — RIGHT? It doesn’t get blacker than this. It’s the blackest. Makes me wanna go to NBA All-Star Weekend and make love to a full-bodied white girl while listening to R. Kelly’s 12 Play and eating chitlin bean pies before collapsing and dying of Sickle Cell. First-ballot black memorabilia Hall Of Fame.

The fact that it’s not hanging on my wall right now already haunts me. How could I let this wondrous journey of the Black Superfriends on horseback pass me by? When’s the next time I’ll be at a West Indian festival in Brooklyn and just so happen to see Tupac upon his steed side-by-side with Harriet Tubman, Michelle Obama, and a questionably distant Bob Marley? I’m an idiot. One hundred sixty bucks is nothing. It’s worth at least 100 times that in internet funny dollars. Someone could murder a bunch of people and I’m positive they’d still get into heaven as long as they showed this painting. It’s THAT powerful.

We’ve got Barry Obama riding shotgun (although it appears they’ve all got shotguns) showcasing his Commander medals and the Africa emblem and Michelle’s shiny forehead clearly signifying his Alpha status. Martin Luther King doesn’t look as excited to have Coretta in tow, but that’s to be expected. The weird part here has to be the obvious absence of Biggie and Oprah. Are they simply too fat to ride on a horse with the rest of the Black Crusaders? Or are they just not on Tupac’s level?

But I digress. This gift shouldn’t be about the questions, it should be about the message. Leadership. Strength. Community. Second Amendment Rights. Obama’s secret Kenyan heritage. Cool Archer-like ninja spy costumes.

Should have bought. This is clearly the greatest painting in this history of recorded history. I couldn’t be madder at myself.

PS – Where’s Django?