Poorly-Constructed Eagles Analogy #1:

The 2012 Philadelphia Eagles make me feel exactly like Wendy Torrance in The Shining. Sure, my husband (Andy Reid) and I have had some rough times in the past. There was that time he pulled little Danny’s arm too hard when he was drinking and cost us 3 straight NFC championships…but who doesn’t make mistakes, right? I was always confident that while he may not have been perfect that he was still a nice guy who’d become a great writer and we’d win a Super Bowl one day and everything would still work out.

But then came 2012, and for whatever reason he started bugging the fuck out writing books filled with “All work and no play makes Johnny a dull boy” and getting blown up by 25 to the Redskins like the shit is normal. What the hell happened? Where’s the 10-6 lose in the playoffs Eagles family that I used to know? Now my kid’s all concussed and talking to himself about Red Rum and shit. What the hell is up with that look in his eyes? Get away from me with that axe, Andy! Only thing we can do now is to run into the maze of the offseason and hope Big Red freezes to death in the process.


Me at the beginning of the season


“Oh my God there’s literally nobody left to play offensive line….”

“The Eagles will have paid Nnamdi Asomugha $25 million!?”

“Please fire Andy Reid. PLEASE.”

Do you have a poorly-constructed analogy for this year’s Eagles team? This squad reminding you of a movie or tv show or that feeling of falling when you’re just starting to get to sleep? Send it to us phillytips@barstoolsports.com.