HuffpoTwo University of Colorado at Boulder students are accused of bringing marijuana-laced brownies to a college class, sickening their unsuspecting professor and five classmates, police said on Sunday. Thomas Cunningham, 21, and Mary Essa, 19, were arrested Saturday on suspicion of second-degree assault, fraudulently inducing the consumption of a controlled substance and conspiracy charges, university police spokesman Ryan Huff said. Huff said three of those who ate the brownies were hospitalized, suffering from the effects of tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), the active property in marijuana. “If someone views this as a prank, it’s no laughing matter,” Huff told Reuters. “These (charges) are all felonies which carry potential prison time.” According to Huff, police were summoned to a classroom building Friday morning on a report that a female professor was complaining of dizziness and was drifting in and out of consciousness. The instructor, who was not identified, was transported to a hospital. Later Friday, the mother of a student in the class notified police that her daughter also was hospitalized after suffering “an anxiety attack.” The family of a third student also notified police that their daughter felt like she was going to black out after attending the class, and that they took her to a hospital. All three have since been released from the hospital.

If you go to the hospital after eating a pot brownie, the people in the hospital should reserve the right to smother you to death. Why shouldn’t they? You’re clearly the worst person in the world. You’re clearly the reason why healthcare costs are unimaginably high in this country and why millions of people (cough cough) can’t get their employer to shell out enough money for insurance. “Dizziness” and “drifting in and out of consciousness”? Bitch you’re stoned. My prescription? Go grab your favorite salted snack and a giant jug of orange juice and chill the fuck out for a couple hours.

Isn’t this the famous University of Colorado at Boulder with the giant pot smoking outdoor festival and located in only one of two states in the country where marijuana is legalized? You’d think a professor there would be smart enough to realize she’s just a little high and wouldn’t have to get kids locked up on felony conspiracy charges.