Philly.comInstead of bail money, a Glenolden man brought a gun to the Upper Darby police station early Saturday morning and demanded the release of his girlfriend, who’d been arrested earlier in the night for drunk and disorderly conduct, police said. Kenneth Stewart, 22, who was high as a kite himself, according to police, must have confused chivalry with stupidity. Instead of busting his lady out of the clinker, he wound up in a cell himself and remains there today on attempted murder charges and $250,000 bail, said Upper Darby Police Superintendent Michael Chitwood. Stewart’s older girlfriend, Denise Pepe, 27, was arrested at the Playhouse Lanes on Garrett Road late Friday night for being drunk and disorderly and was taken in to custody, Chitwood said. Around 12:30 a.m. Saturday, Stewart, who appeared intoxicated, showed up at the police station on West Chester Pike demanding her release, Chitwood said. “The guy was crazed,” he said. “We believe he was probably whacked out. He’s a real bum.” Stewart was asked to leave and did so, but returned seconds later and fought with two officers as they tried to take him in custody, police said. During the struggle, Stewart pulled a fully-loaded gun out and although officers were able to wrestle it away from him before any shots were fired, a bullet was ejected from the gun somehow during the struggle, Chitwood said. “It was kind of like a Mortal Combat situation,” he said. Once in custody, Upper Darby police discovered they had two warrants out for Stewart – one for threatening someone with a gun in December and the other for beating a man with a stick in June, according to police.

“It was kind of like a Mortal Combat situation”? First of all, it’s “Kombat”. Second of all, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Dude had a gun. Unless he had four arms and was shooting ice balls or ripping out spinal cords or turning cops into babies I don’t think this qualifies as a “Mortal Kombat” situation, officer.

But I’ll give you that it was nuts. I’d be afraid too if some dumbass Rocky-like jabroni came into my station brandishing a weapon and this fearsome 80′s hockey hair. “Is he going to shoot us or sing U Give Love a Bad Name?” Shit had to be stressful.

You gotta respect his Gumption, though. And I mean Gumption with a capital ‘G’ like Forrest Gump because you’d have to be a retarded person to believe that you can still free somebody from jail with only a gun. Homey it’s 2012, not the old west. You’re not about to make your escape on horseback and just ride off into the next town with your girl searching for adventure. You’re gonna be worried about ass rape and toilet seniority in the holding cell. Maybe it’s finally time to buy a TV and learn how the rest of the world works these days.