“Are the rings okay?” That’s cute. But yeah…they’re not. Didn’t you hear that crash sound? Aren’t your eyes working? You bent them shits up pretty bad. No worries, though, I’m sure you’ll be able to pay the groom back in full with your amazing $0 a year salary. No doubt that’ll make him forget the time you ruined the biggest day of his life.

“I thought I could do it.” What? Stand upright for several minutes?

PS – Somebody should’ve told that cow that just because it’s her wedding day doesn’t mean she has a free pass to not care about a child’s safety. Kid could’ve taken a diamond to the eye.