Could I have kicked off today with an Eagles story about how awful they are and how much it pains everybody in the area to have to watch these scrubs embarrass our city on national TV every other week? Of course I could have. But what’s the point? We know they’re bad. Watching the Eagles B-team get assassinated by the Bengals at home is too disheartening to ruin your Friday morning analyzing every frustrating detail. So let’s start off our day with something positive — the TRUE spirit of competition.
This right here is what being a man is all about. Women compete on creepy subversive levels, men compete head-to-head and as publicly as possible. Even if you’re a garbageman playing in the freezing cold with a cheap, broken foosball table, it’s your duty as a man to prove you’re the best outdoor foosball-playing garbageman in the world. That’s what being a man is about. Pretty much the opposite of losing to the Bengals by 21 at home.