alarm clock vibrator

DMHave trouble waking up in the morning? Then this might just be the gadget to get you up and at ‘em. A smooth, elongated device that looks like a curved iPod, this alarm clock-cum-vibrator promises to make your mornings happier by waking you up with some good vibrations. You programme the clock to wake you up at the desired hour, choose one of six different ‘vibrating patterns’, position the gizmo in your pants – and then wait. Come morning, the subdued buzzing emanating from your nether regions will be the only indication it’s time to wake up.

Am I jealous? A little. But this vibrating pussy alarm only means we’re one step closer to robot blowjob alarm clock technology. One step closer to the day when instead of opening your eyes in a bloodshot rage at the same repetitive phone jingle, you’ll roll your eyes back in dream-to-reality BJ bliss. That’ll be a monumental day for men everywhere. Sure some guys will probably electrocute their dicks off in the early testing stages, but once this technology is perfected the entire first-world population will have become “morning people”.

PS – the thought of some gay dude putting this in his butt just made me laugh. Is that prejudiced?