So a handful of sites have posted blogs about this Sexy Hamburger Costume, which feminists of course hate because meat is murder and exposed top-breast is eyeball rape, but is bad enough to draw laughs from everybody. But what I don’t get is how anybody who actually looked at the rest of the selection on that particular costume website could stop and think Sexy Hamburger is the lede here. It’s baffling.

Check it out — Sexy Hamburger has all of the elements of a sexy hamburger: bun, burger, lettuce, tomato…maybe even some mustard in there. Plus there are perky, hot breasts under the bun therefore adding the “sexy” element to the equation. Sexy Hamburger accomplished.

What I DON’T understand, is when Bert & Ernie grew tits:

Bert and Ernie don’t have breasts or exposed stomachs. They’re gay muppets in 70′s children clothes. This costume makes no sense. Oh, and check out the various “Clownfish” costumes:

These are dresses. One hundred percent not a costume. An ugly dress.  If you were going as an orange slice or a down-on-her-luck Flyers Ice Girl who’s turning to prostitution then maybe these could pass.  But certainly no “clownfish” costume. You know what else isn’t a costume?

Neither of these are costumes — these are ugly dresses. Borderline shirts. I’m not sure who MS Painted Wolverine but wearing a long tank top and calling it a costume simply makes a mockery of Halloween and I won’t stand for it.

There are rules to this game, people.  Either be something sexy or don’t be something sexy. Don’t sexify Bert & Ernie that shit is weird.

PS – Ernie’s ass is something serious, though.

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