Barstool Sports: Philly

Racist Piece Of White Trash Is About To Become Internet Famous

By smitty posted May 22nd, 2013 at 2:40 PM

YouTube Description

I was protesting the cloverdale rodeo may 18/13 and this lady did not like my sign. She called me racist names, spat on my face, then grabbed me by my hair punched me and kicked me. Cloverdale RCMP is looking for her for assault charges. Please identify her.

Definitely not old enough to be racist and have it be brushed aside like the grandmother at the Thanksgiving table who still uses the term “Colored” and refers to the dude who does her dry cleaning as a nice looking “Chinaman.” Nope. What we have here is a full blown white trash piece of shit racist who probably could have left her little secluded town at one point but got pregnant twice before she could finish her GED. It’s mind bottling how this bitch has the right to talk to a complete stranger like this. It’s 2013. Zip up the Jimmy Puffa hoodie to cover your tits that have already gone south for the winter and go with your fat, bowlcut rockin, lesbo friend to whatever nightly buffet that has the early bird special in town.

Shitskin is a derogatory term used for Asians? If you’re going to be that asshole racist, at least do it right. Or else you better go see a doctor toots if your shit is coming out that yellow.

25 Comments

Pussification Of America: Family Whose Mother Died Of Cancer Kicked Out Of King Of Prussia Mall For Wearing Censored “Fuck Cancer” Hats

By maurice posted May 22nd, 2013 at 2:05 PM

philly.com – JUST HOURS before dawn on May 14, Jackie Underwood’s three daughters held her in their arms as the cancer stole the last breath from her broken body. For many days before, and almost every day since, her children – Makia Underwood, 32, Zakia Clark, 29, and Tasha Clark, 27 – have worn hats and shirts that read “F— CANCER,” with the “C” in “F—” replaced by a breast-cancer-awareness ribbon. Zakia and Tasha Clark were wearing their black-and-pink “F— CANCER” hats Sunday when the three sisters went to King of Prussia Mall with a group of friends and relatives to pick out a dress for Zakia’s 9-year-old daughter to wear to her grandmother’s funeral today. “He said, ‘Since you don’t want to take your hat off, you can leave my mall,’ ” Zakia recalled. “He stood there while we ate and threatened to call the cops.” Out of nowhere, Zakia said, seven more guards surrounded them. “I was very embarrassed,” she said. “My daughter was so scared she was crying.” As the group was escorted to the mall office, Makia called and met up with them. “I couldn’t believe they were acting like they were going to arrest my sisters,” she said. “I just wanted to tell them the whole story,” Makia said of the guards. “I wanted to tell them a monster came into our house, got into my mother and we had to watch that until the day it took her, so don’t tell me it’s offensive to say, ‘F— CANCER.’”

Hey — I’d love to side with these people. I really would. But made-up rules are made-up rules. You wear clothing that almost curses on it, you get kicked out of the mall. Doesn’t matter how fresh the memory of your mother’s slow, painful death is in your mind. It’s about respect.

See, you hooligans can wear that garbage out on the streets, but this is the King Of Prussia mall we’re talking about. Class city. Wearing “fuck cancer” hats and t-shirts is only going to disturb the fine obese women powering through Cinnabons or interrupt a middle school kid getting ass-raped by Gamestop’s trade-in policy. What if there was a pharmaceutical sales person or an executive for a medical equipment company present? Cancer is what keeps these people in business! Nothing could be more offensive. KOP ain’t got time for that.

I’m not sure where these people got the idea that they have the freedom to simply say and wear whatever they please, I’m just happy security escorted them out before a child was traumatized. This isn’t some imaginary freedom factory, folks. This is America. Horrific mom cancer tragedies or not. Act like you’ve been here before.

16 Comments

Do These Look Like The Faces Of Guys Affiliated With The ‘Crazy White Boys Criminal Street Gang’ Who Got Arrested Because Of Their Facebook Pictures?

By maurice posted May 22nd, 2013 at 1:30 PM

wesh – Two felony fugitives were arrested after photographs showing them holding guns were posted on Facebook, according to deputies in Marion County. Mario McDonald, 23, and Joseph Edwards, 27, were arrested after detectives said online photos showed the pair holding a shotgun. Deputies said the two are reportedly members of the “Crazy White Boys criminal street gang,” according to a news release. Investigators said in the release that the photos “promote and further the interests of the criminal street gang.” Both men face charges of possession of a firearm by a convicted felon. They were booked into the Marion County Jail on Monday.

Okay, so these guys are probably more likely to refer to themselves as “Crazy White Boys” and not “Crazy White Boys Criminal Street Gang,” but I think all of us can see how that’s a huge mistake. Obviously Crazy White Boys Criminal Street Gang is the far superior name. Maybe one of the best gang names of all-time. You got The Van Buren Boys, Black Guerrilla Family, Crazy White Boys Criminal Street Gang, then all the rest (Bloods, Crips, Latin Kings, etc) after that.

What makes it so great is how specific it is, so there will be absolutely no confusing those crazy white boys with other crazy white boys who may be more into motocross or basejumping than shotguns and intimidation. It also differentiates CWBCSG from non-criminal street gangs, like the Jets or The Yellow Jacket Boys. What I’m getting at is…Crazy White Boys Criminal Street Gang is perfect. If there are any other members out there, I only hope they can continue the proud CWBCSG tradition.

Also I hope they look more like Crazy White Boys and less like Mexicans.

13 Comments

Jakub Voracek Totals Ferrari, Walks Away ‘Fine’

By maurice posted May 22nd, 2013 at 12:55 PM

sport.cz (translated) – Hockey representative striker Jakub Voracek badly crashed. On Wednesday morning mishandled control of his vehicle Ferrari California and collided with a lorry. Accident, there were no injuries, but damage is estimated at three million. Twenty-three winger, who defends the colors NHL Philadelphia was driving too fast for a truck. The driver then started to turn left and therefore slowed down. Voráček did not manage to stop in time and crashed into the left side of the truck. “The accident occurred at 11:30 am on the road to the town of Kladno Braškov. During the accident no one was injured, alcohol was similar for both drivers on the spot expelled breath test,” she said in an interview Sport.cz Kladno police spokeswoman Michaela Novakova, which then outlining the amount of damages.

Kinda wish all news reports were in broken English. “Defends the colors NHL Philadelphia”. Like the way that sounds. Voracek doesn’t just play for the Flyers, he defends the colors of Philadelphia 82+ times a season.

Obviously this story would have a much more somber tone if Voracek would have ended up dead like he probably should have, but it’s great that we can joke since alcohol wasn’t involved and, according to Homer, Jakub is “fine“.

With any luck he’ll team up with Philadelphia Bruce Willis and defeat that evil Mr. Glass once and for all.

12 Comments

Guess That Ass UPDATE

By maurice posted May 22nd, 2013 at 12:20 PM

(more…)

31 Comments

Is Chief Keef Mentally…Normal?

By maurice posted May 22nd, 2013 at 11:35 AM

spin – This week has only spanned two days, but it’s already been a roller coaster ride for Chicago teen rap star Chief Keef. On Monday afternoon, he was arrested at an Atlanta hotel after a security guard summoned police upon smelling marijuana coming from Keef’s room. This could cause a number of problems for Keef, who was released from an Illinois prison two months ago after serving a 60-day sentence stemming from a probation violation. Unfortunately, if Keef’s Instagram is any indication, he’s not yet sweating his latest run-in with police, a pose that clashes with the tears he shed in front of a Chicago judge.

This video was featured on Worldstar not long ago, and having not heard many Chief Keef songs I decided to give it a chance. “Macaroni Time”? Hell yeah I’ll listen to a drugged-out and thugged-out rap song called Macaroni Time.

And thank White Jesus I did, because everything about the video is a win. You got Beamers driving on lawns, mumbling, Swisher blunts, codeine & Sprite, pockets filled with money, 17 year-olds with guts from drinking too much lean, pointing, and of course the phrase “Macaroni Time”. It’s a perfect and complete rap video. Yet, just as I’m sure you were, I was left at the end with my number one question left unanswered: is Chief Keef mentally handicapped?

Not in a bad way. I mean if he’s retarded then he’s already top two retarded rappers of all-time. It’s just a concern since he’s 17 and looks 28, seemingly unable to correctly pronounce anything, and staring at us with that Down-y glare through his dreadlocks. Like I legit enjoy listening to this nonsense and will be blasting this on volume 50 while mumbling and shouting “Macaroni Time”. Yet his mental makeup is still a complete mystery to me.

If you do some Googling you’ll find rumors that Keef suffers from Asperger Syndrome…

…but there’s nothing concrete to nail this down. Just hearsay.

What say you? Is Keef just strung out on chain-smoked blunts and purp or are his thought-sicles seriously melted?

Vote 1 for Mentally Normal and 10 for Mentally Special

36 Comments

Today In Terrible, Terrible Ideas: The Oreo Dunking Spoon

By maurice posted May 22nd, 2013 at 10:20 AM

thedipr – The dipr is a spoon that holds your sandwich cookie while you dip it in milk or other liquid. The dipr cradles the cookie by the cream and prevents the cookie from crumbling when dunked. Best of all, you can eat right off of it so no more sticky fingers! Join the dunking revolution and collect all 5 colors today!

I hate everything about this product. I hate its name, I hate its cheesy Wendy’s-style jingle that works like musical Zoloft, and most of all I hate the fact that’s it’s absolutely useless. USELESS. Every single one of our houses is filled with Oreo dunking spoons. There’s literally dozens of them just laying around in your kitchen drawers ready for you to use them whenever you need to. Let me see if I can find a picture on Google of what I’m talking about:

Yours might look slightly different but the basic qualities are the same. PERFECT for dunking Oreos in milk.

Also — What wasteful dickhead person throws money down the drain buying special Oreo-dunking utensils? There are literally THOUSANDS of kids who died today just because they didn’t have food. Didn’t have 20 cents to buy a handful of rice. Like a kid, six years old, just laid on her back eyes wide seizing and gasping for air as a single tear streamed down her face, half a moment before her heart stopped and she died without ever truly knowing happiness. But you’ve got $20 to spend on Oreo cookie dunking spoons. Terrible.

No doubt anyone who has this on their bank statement goes directly to hell.

27 Comments

Pussification Of America: Local Pre-School Sends Letter To Parents Stating ‘Wrestling, Super Hero Play, & Monster Games Will Not Be Permitted’

By maurice posted May 22nd, 2013 at 9:40 AM

PARENTS WE NEED YOUR HELP!

Recently it has been brought to our attention that the imaginations of our preschool children are becoming dangerously overactive causing injuries within our pre-k community. Although we encourage creative thinking and imaginary play, we do not promote out children hurting one another. Wrestling, Super Hero play, and Monster games will not be permitted here at BLANK. In addition please monitor the different media that your children may view. The re-enactment of televisions shows/ movies are being done during active paly times in school.

The safety and well being of your child is our first and foremost concern. Thank you for your cooperation.

Sincerely,

WHOEVER.

Where do we even begin? This garbage requires a line-by-line response.

Recently it has been brought to our attention that the imaginations of our preschool children are becoming dangerously overactive causing injuries within our pre-k community.

First off it’s not the imaginations that are causing the injuries — it’s the kids. You guys are a preschool. You claim your main job is the make sure the kids don’t get hurt…and you can’t even do that with parental assistance. Why do you think the parents pay you? Now they gotta pay you AND do your job?

Although we encourage creative thinking and imaginary play,

Obviously you don’t. This is like beginning a sentence with, “I’m not racist, but…”

we do not promote out children hurting one another.

Yeah. Only kids still in the the closet should be able to hurt one another.

Wrestling, Super Hero play, and Monster games will not be permitted here at

Fuck are “Monster games”?

In addition please monitor the different media that your children may view. The re-enactment of televisions shows/ movies are being done during active paly times in school.

Hard to respect a school that can’t even spell “play” correctly. What kind of zero-budget child UFC are they running where they don’t even have the good sense to use spell check before printing something out and handing it to parents?

Listen, school, violent TV shows and movies have been around forever. If anything the shows today are drastically less violent than the ones in the past. Part of being a kid is pretend time and imagining yourself as a bigger and more powerful figure. Without those brief feelings of invulnerably and power our kids would grow up to be drones like the kids in China who make iPads and eat pollution sandwiches for lunch. America need leaders, artists, inventors, and thinkers. And imaginative violence is part of what gets us there.

In other words — fuck you. I control what my kids watch.

The safety and well being of your child is our first and foremost concern. Thank you for your cooperation.

I always thought teaching kids should be the foremost concern of a school. I mean if safety is all that matters why not just roll every kid up in bubble wrap and toss them into a dark room?

Any parent that cooperates with this letter and listens to a person who doesn’t even respect them enough to use spell check deserves castration. Plain and simple.

25 Comments