EL PASO – Robert Gene White, a 67-year-old man, received several lap dances at a Texas strip club Friday night, and when it came time to pay, workers found him unresponsive, KVIA reported. A manager of the Red Parrot in El Paso says employees tried to perform CPR on him, but were unsuccessful. KTSM reported that White suffered a heart attack while being entertained by the dancers. El Paso Sheriff’s deputies told the station that there were no immediate signs of foul play, but the investigation is still open.
What a way to go! Best way to die ever! Fuck that. Robert Gene White didn’t go out in a blaze of glory riding some smokehouse aspiring model in the back room of Sapphire in Las Vegas after blowing 20 lines off of another’s tits. He died in the Red Parrot in El Paso. Some bitch with 4 kids and a vagina straight from the butcher shop’s roast beef section was just sitting on his lap counting down the minutes to her next meth hit. Dude probably died from the overwhelming stench of chlamydia and shattered dreams. But I love how the strippers and management didn’t do shit until the man had to pay up for the night. Bitches were probably riding his dead dick for hours. Gotta at least give Robert Gene White credit for just chillin out alone with his death erection getting free rides to St. Peter.
So as the Red Sox make their way to CBP to face the Phils for a series this weekend, we decided to have a little fun with the Philly and Boston fan bases. The idea? To see if you guys can beat El Pres and myself in a Fan Duel challenge this Friday with $1000 on the line. It’s $5 entry fee and if you’re one-day fantasy baseball team scores better than mine and Prezzies, you get your $5 entry fee back.
I gotta be real with you guys that this particular free roll sort of seems like a scam. Like as soon as I got the email that said you guys have to beat both Pres AND myself I knew it wouldn’t be possible for many (or any) of you to win. Sure, you’ll probably beat Pres’ score because he’s a billion years old and will probably put Darren Daulton and David Eckersley on his team. But do I really believe there are some of you out there that can beat me in fantasy sports? No. The answer is no.
But, hey, I guess if dreaming about $1000 in prizes that is probably mostly going to be mine is something that gets you going then SIGN UP. And do it soon, there are only 200 or so spots open for this challenge.
Arbroath – Women must bath occasionally, shave-off their hair, dress shabbily and get circumcised to make them less attractive to men, a Senator has proposed during a conference on HIV. Morgan Femai, the MDC-T senator for Chikomo, said his bizarre prescription was necessary to help curb the spread of HIV/AIDS because men were finding it difficult to resist attractive and well-dressed women. “What I propose is that the government should come up with a law that compels women to have their heads clean-shaven like what the Apostolic sects do,” Femai said Friday while addressing a parliamentary HIV awareness workshop in Kadoma. “They should also not bath because that is what has caused all these problems (spread of HIV).” Femai also recommended circumcision for women – becoming the latest in a long line of MDC-T lawmakers who have pushed forward bizarre proposals about how to curb the spread of HIV. “Women have got more moisture in their organs as compared to men, so there is need to research how to deal with that moisture because it is conducive for bacteria breeding. There should be a way o suck out that moisture,” he said in comments insinuating that the virus which causes Aids breeds better in women than men. Zimbabwe is one of the countries worst affected by HIV/Aids but has seen a decline in new infections year-on-year over the last decade. Sithembile Mlotshwa, the MDC-T Senator for Matobo, recently suggested that Zimbabweans must be limited to one sexual encounter per month. Men, she said, should be administered a drug that reduces their libido.
WHOA WHOA wait right there, Zimbabwe. You almost snuck that one past me when I wasn’t looking. “Men should be administered a drug that reduces their libido”? Men in Zimbabwe are on the brink of taking anti-boner pills? Opposite Viagra? Cialis: Flaccid!? Hilarious! Such a different world over there than over here. America must really seem like a beacon for opportunity to a dude swimming in AIDS bitches whose government is trying to give him soft penis pills.
But in terms of the non-bathing and the head-shaving and the female circumcision…I can’t say I support those strategies. Seem short-sighted. CREATIVE, definitely. Not knocking his lack of out-of-box (or cut-off-box) thinking, but he’s gotta consider the long play here. AIDS ain’t goin anywhere any time soon. Your pitch has gotta be stronger than smelly bitches and dried coochie.
This man is 100% correct and should have been given his fish. The owner if this place isn’t stupid — they already said they’ve had problems with ‘ol boy in the past. This lost Ryan Brother has a line of credit there for Christ’s sakes! Writing “all you can eat” when dude is a frequent customer is pretty much just daring him to wipe out your fish supply. Not even daring — CHALLENGING him to do so. They know how his brain works. They know how his stomach works. They know that he probably doesn’t work since he can’t even pay his tab and spends middays calling the cops on seafood restaurants. Owner should’ve written “up to 20″ if he was gonna be a bitch and use his bus boy goons to stop my dude’s pursuit of happiness.
What’s up with that sign though, Bill? Shit’s sadder than Junior Seau’s mom. Homeless people don’t even get down like that.
Camelflage – It all started one day in yoga class…. Cute tight little yoga pants, front row, right by the big mirrors for the whole class to check out my yoga poses, and something else…the dreaded…”cameltoe.” That’s where the idea for Camelflage was conceived. I looked at department stores, on-line for a solution for this problem. There was nothing. There were blogs and YouTube videos posted of women complaining about the same problem “cameltoe,” and how embarrassing it was for them. They were needing a solution too. So, I designed a patent pending women’s panty that has a built in flexible, breathable, insert to smooth out her “Labia Majora” AKA “cameltoe.” Covering the insert is a Sportek wicking fabric that pulls moisture away from your body and keeps you dry. I am a wife, mother and now a “cameltoe” advocate! Helping women all over the world feel confident and smooth one Camelflage panty at a time!
What the hell? First it was that titty-cloaking infomercial menace the Cami Secret hiding breasts from us, now we can’t even get the occasional camel toe anymore? C’mon, ladies! Stop being so self-conscious about those outer labia. It’s not like we’re gonna dislike seeing it. Unless you’re fat or some sort of troll you’re pretty much guaranteed our full support and enjoyment. It’s like the opposite how you stuck up sluts act when it comes to boners. How many random boners have you seen in your lives? And I bet you didn’t appreciate a single one of them. Selfish.
Human beings weren’t meant to look like Mattel dolls in the crotch. Be honest with your lower lips, ladies. #FreeCameltoe!
Hope you had plenty of time to look at the Wake Up girl and are finish up your breakfast because Chuck Barkley’s taco meat and fatskinnyfat is about to get all in your brain this morning. Charles — really with the thin gold chain, homey? Did grandma get that for your communion? Are you and Uncle Sal about to rough up some knucklehead goombas by the docks? You’re a retired multimillionaire superstar athlete. Lose the turtleneck chain.
Edge goes to Dieseltime no question. It’s a shame that Charles even had to go up there. Ab paint or no ab paint the Big Aristotle came through looking like a gamer.
If only Terry Bradshaw, Howie Long, and Strahan had the balls to do this. I bet Strahan is all Subway BMT’s and loose skin.
Just named Playboy Playmate of the Year, natural tits, gorgeous face, 100% on the fuckable scale, if anybody complains about her they should go back to looking at guys,she is like a homo litmus test.
-twolf
“Homo litmus test,” eh? Pretty sure that prejudiced in some way but I think you’re right. All straight men are attracted to this woman.
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(60 votes, average: 9.57 out of 10)
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