Tour Dates

  • District N9NE
    Philadelphia, PA

    April 25th, 2014 9:00 PM
  • Irving Plaza
    New York City, NY

    April 26th, 2014 9:00 PM
  • Toad's Place
    New Haven, CT

    January 30th, 2014 9:00 PM
  • Lupo's
    Providence, RI

    January 31st, 2014 9:00 PM
  • Webster Theater
    Hartford, CT

    February 21st, 2014 9:00 PM
  • The Palladium
    Worcester, MA

    February 22nd, 2014 9:00 PM
  • Sherman Theater
    East Stroudsburg, PA

    March 1st, 2014 9:00 PM
  • The Union Bar
    Iowa City, IA

    March 8th, 2014 6:00 PM
  • The Boulder Theater
    Boulder, CO

    March 15th, 2014 9:00 PM
  • The Fillmore
    Charlotte, NC

    April 4th, 2014 10:00 PM
  • House Of Blues
    Myrtle Beach, SC

    April 5th, 2014 9:00 PM

Study Says Trauma You Experience In Life Stays In Your Sperm And Can Screw Up Your Grandkids

Your problems have nothing to do with your upbringing, social status, or parental dynamic. Your grandfather was just a sonofabitch.
grandkids fucked

DMThe children of people who have experienced extremely traumatic events are more likely to develop mental health problems. And new research shows this is because experiencing trauma leads to changes in the sperm. These changes can cause a man’s children to develop bipolar disorder and are so strong they can even influence the man’s grandchildren. Psychologists have long known that traumatic experiences can induce behavioural disorders that are passed down from one generation to the next. However, they are only just beginning to understand how this happens. After traumatic experiences, the mice behaved markedly differently – they partly lost their natural aversion to open spaces and bright light and showed symptoms of depression. These behavioural symptoms were also transferred to the next generation via sperm, even though the offspring were not exposed to any traumatic stress themselves.

Are you depressed, have ADHD, bipolar tendencies, and trouble socializing with other humans on the simplest of levels? Well you’ll be glad to know it’s not your fault and has nothing to do with your upbringing, social status, or parental dynamic. Your grandfather was just a sonofabitch.

Amazing to think problems that arise today can get genetically locked into your balls and ruin your family multiple generations down the line. Guess this is a warning to all of us to take time to relieve our stress or see the consequences in our own dumb impatient children/grandchildren. And also to not get a chick pregnant after a car accident or IED or earthquake or some other traumatic experience. When that moment “comes” you’re gonna want to be as relaxed as possible. If my kid isn’t conceived on a pillow-top 5-star hotel mattress with ocean sounds and a dirty R. Kelly mix playing in the background then something didn’t go according to plan.

By maurice posted April 24th, 2014 at 10:52 AM

Breaking Down NFL Schedules Is Pointless But Seriously The Eagles Could Go 16-0

I'm kidding. I think.
birds

I’m kidding. I think. Looking at NFL schedules and making predictions for next year is as useless as tits on a bull or a Rubik Cube around Vince Young. For example, if you saw Atlanta and Houston on your team’s list last year they were considered tough games. Little did people know the Falcons would be made of glass and Matt Schaub’s arm would complete its morph into Jell-O. There’s far more change from year to year in the NFL than any other sport.

However, simply based on what we know about these squads and barring injuries, the birds legitimately should be in the 10-6/11-5 range. Chalk up 2 automatic divisional losses and well as losing at San Fran. 3 L’s right there. At Indy, at GB, at Ari, and home vs. Car and Sea will be the deciding factors. They go 3-2 in those games then hello 11-5 and most likely another NFC East title.

One thing’s for sure, I love, love, LOVE facing the Cowboys both times late in the year. The more the season goes on, the tighter Romo’s asshole (when it’s not being occupied by Jason Witten, of course).

Let’s get it!

By smitty posted April 24th, 2014 at 10:15 AM

Video: Trailer For Allen Iverson Tribeca Film Festival Documentary ‘Iverson’

Wouldn't be surprised if there's a hard drive somewhere with four hours of extra unreleased "Larry Brown Bitching About Allen Iverson" footage.

philly.comAllen Iverson documentary, fittingly called “Iverson,” will debut at the Tribeca Film Festival on Sunday night. The trailer for the film was just released featuring interviews from Dwyane Wade, Tom Brokaw and Larry Brown who says, “As a coach, dealing with him on a daily basis, nobody trains you for that.” Of course, Iverson himself gets a platform to speak as well. The doc is from first time director Zatella Beatty.

Tribeca Film Festival is still in the process of boxing me out of the one (and only) showing of this Iverson documentary, which I don’t appreciate since the audience will probably be filled with non-sports film nerds and ladies who got free tickets from an office raffle. New York is basically one big rich people conspiracy.

Hoping the doc features celebrity quotes that have a little more edge to them than Dwyane Wade stealing/watering down a LeBron James quote about AI being “pound-for-pound the best to ever do it”. Getting Tom Brokaw and Larry Brown involved gives me hope. Wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a hard drive somewhere with four hours of extra unreleased “Larry Brown Bitching About Allen Iverson” footage.

By maurice posted April 24th, 2014 at 9:42 AM

Wake Up With Mariah Lee Bevacqua

Meet Mariah, a 19 year-old model from Italy. You guys play nice, okay?

Meet Mariah, a 19 year-old model from Italy. You guys play nice, okay?

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars6 Stars7 Stars8 Stars9 Stars10 Stars (45 votes, average: 8.80 out of 10)
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By maurice posted April 24th, 2014 at 9:00 AM

Guy With Next-Level Massive Baseball Glove Spotted At Phillies / Dodgers In LA

Every rule has an exception.

glove2

glove3

Every rule has an exception. The rule of adults not bringing a glove to the ballpark because it’s ridiculous, unnecessary, and stupid? This is the exception. If you bring a Bill Brasky-sized glove to the ballpark that’s big enough to catch a pop-fly basketball then it’s not stupid. It’s awesome and so are you.

By maurice posted April 24th, 2014 at 1:22 AM

Barstool Philly Local Smokeshow Of The Day – Alexa

Welcome Alexa from the University of Delaware. Nothing wrong with a little Blue Hen heat every once in awhile. Would actually love it if it were more than once in a blue moon. Get on it, DE. Should be able to see Alexa and other smokes at the Barstool Blackout tour as it returns to [...]

Welcome Alexa from the University of Delaware. Nothing wrong with a little Blue Hen heat every once in awhile. Would actually love it if it were more than once in a blue moon. Get on it, DE.

Should be able to see Alexa and other smokes at the Barstool Blackout tour as it returns to Philly this Friday. Click here and get your tix now before it sells out. ALL SMOKESHOWS GET IN FOR FREE.

Remember to do your Stoolie duty email the Facebook links of Smokeshow nominations to Phillytips@barstoolsports.com

By smitty posted April 23rd, 2014 at 5:30 PM

Hey Everybody, The Phillies Are Back To .500 And Cole Hamels Returns Tonight!

10-10, baby!!!! Can you say playoffs?!?!
cole

10-10, baby!!!! Can you say playoffs?!?!

Fuck no.

But you have to give credit where credit is due. The Phils actually put together very impressive back to back wins at LA the past two nights winning 7-0 and 3-2, respectively. Granted, that’s after a stretch of games (sans the 10-9 win in the last game vs. the Rockies) in which they literally couldn’t hit dick, but it’s good they’re playing somewhat competitive ball. And with pretty boy Cole curing his tender biceps injury from lifting all those baseballs, who knows what can happen? Maybe this team can even end up at .500! Golly gee.

PS – Cliff Lee has been absolutely majestic since his first start:

cliff

At least someone is earning his 16th highest paid player in the world money. Not really, but whatever. Trade bait baby.

By smitty posted April 23rd, 2014 at 5:00 PM

Jason Kelce And Connor Barwin Had An Absolute Bro Time At The Flyers Game

SEPTA, bitches!
pic

SEPTA, bitches!

Hey, I’m not going to hate on these guys at all. There’s been an effort from Philadelphia sports franchises to show people Brotherly Love, but it seems like certain Eagles are showing their faces more in this city than anyone else. If you’re out in CC you regularly see the likes of Kelce, Barwin and Riley Cooper out and about mingling with the common folk. A rare feat for millionaires these days. And unlike Pat Burrell, they’re actually approachable without having to worry about your ego or woman being fisted.

PS – Those shirts were given out at the game. Of course Connor Barwin would be the guy who immediately rips off the sleeves to any T. Of course he is.

By smitty posted April 23rd, 2014 at 4:11 PM
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