How Much Of An Outright Maniac Do You Have To Be If You Flush The Toilet While Still Sitting Down?

I Guess I'm Not Going To Let 1/3 Of The Population Ever Come In Contact With My Children:

Came across this statistic dominating another trivia night: “About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they’re still sitting on it.”

WHAT???? Then I guess about a third of all Americans have skinned another human for pure enjoyment. This is sheer lunacy. And I am aware that it is commonplace to compare people to psychopaths on this site, but I legitimately wouldn’t feel comfortable in the same room as you if you flush the toilet while you’re still sitting on it. Would feel as uneasy as Indiana Jones around snakes or your white Grandmother around black people. Like, okay, I can understand if you don’t have home throne advantage and were playing an away game at a venue where there’s not enough leg room to stand up, pull up, reverse, and flush. Then maybe I can see the need to reach around your back to dispose. In instances of courtesy flushes, too, when you’re not done fighting the war but need to give the signal you’re still alive and battling strong. But on a regular basis 1/3 of people do this? Are you not afraid of the splashback? Because if you’re not even the slightest bit intimidated of the splashback, there’s a decent chance you’re solely on this planet to watch the world burn.

Am I being crazy or legit about this?

Rate 1 for You Sit Down When You Flush And Pee, Smitty and 10 for I Guess I’m Not Going To Let 1/3 Of The Population Ever Come In Contact With My Children:

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PS – People who use their bare hands to touch the handle to flush need to rethink their lives, as well. Be a champion of evolution and use your foot.

By smitty posted January 30th, 2015 at 1:30 PM

Hey You Think This Chick Is A Little Into Kinky Sex Or What?

BDSM so hot right now. BDSM.

Warning: Might be a bit NSFW

 

 
 

The buzz on Barstool recently is that ass eating is what’s hot in the streets but don’t tell that to ol’ Grimace titties here. Chick goes hard in the paint, can’t even/would prefer not to imagine what the puss looks like. But we’ve got 50 Shades of Grey dropping in a few weeks and if the book didn’t get chicks curious enough about the wonderful world of BDSM, dumbing it down into a movie definitely will. So prepare to have a little slice of this in your life sometime soon. If nothing else at least she doesn’t stop smiling despite all that damage. Kind of love it, kind of horrified by it.

 

On the plus side, if you’re going to work any titties like a speed bag, those are definitely the ones you’d want. Good weight to em, similarly shaped. They probably even make the whurrrrrda whurrrrrda whurrrrrrrda sound and everything. If you were going to embrace you inner Lil Mac, those are the ones you want to stare across the ring at.

 
 

(via @yung_wifebeater…yes I follow someone whose Twitter handle is @yung_wifebeater, only the best for you Philly)

By chris spags posted January 30th, 2015 at 11:55 AM

Kimmo Timonen Will (Most Likely) Come Back This Season

Kimmo Timonen is good people, and this is good news.

kimmo-t
It’s gotta be the hair, Cotton…

Now obviously I won’t 100% believe this until it comes out of Hexy’s mouth and we actually see Kimmo on the ice. I can’t trust anything Berube says because he has the competence of a bicycle with triangles for wheels. But assuming this news is true, this is fantastic to hear. If you’re a buffoon and don’t recall, Kimmo Timonen has been sidelined all season long so far due to blood clots. Pretty scary stuff and it sucked to think that this would be the end of his career. Kimmo is good people and he’s been a great Flyer the past 7-8 years. So to hear some positive news about his health is one of the very few things you can be excited about this Flyers season.

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it at least 16 or 17 times. The Philadelphia Flyers are the best worst team in the NHL and that sucks. They win a game, they lose a game, they win 5 games in a row, they lose 5 games in a row. They’re too hot for ugly people but too ugly for hot people. They’ll teeter the line of mediocrity all season long and end up out of the playoffs with a shit draft pick. So at this point, I don’t even give a shit. Who knows how impactful Kimmo will be whenever he ends up returning to the ice. But all I really care about is just being able to see 44 in action again. There’s some salary shit that’s gonna have to be moved around that I know literally nothing about but I just hope that means the Flyers have to trade Coburn away to make room for Timonen. Also, they can just let Colaiacovo go so he can become the least memorable Flyer of all time. Either way, if you’re a Flyers fan, this is great news. I dare you to find one person who has a single bad word to say about Kimmo Timonen.

Sidenote: Flyers beat the Jets last night 5-2. We’ve got Wing Bowl obligations to attend today so there won’t be a recap, but the Flyers remain undefeated since the All Star Game. Just sayin’.

By jordie posted January 30th, 2015 at 11:05 AM

25% Of Americans Apparently Believe The Sun Revolves Around The Earth

No Galileo's in this bunch of I suppose.
murica

TIME – Does the Earth go around the sun, or does the sun go around the Earth? When asked that question, 1 in 4 Americans surveyed answered incorrectly. Yes, 1 in 4. The survey, conducted by the National Science Foundation, included more than 2,200 participants in the U.S., AFP reports. It featured a nine-question quiz about physical and biological science and the average score was a 6.5. Here’s the thing, though: Americans actually fared better than Europeans who took similar quizzes — at least when it came to the sun and Earth question. Only 66 percent of European Union residents answered that one correctly.

‘MURICA! No Galileo’s in this bunch of I suppose. Not insinuating bringing back any sort of 3/5th Compromise based on race, but if people who answer this question wrong only had their vote count for 1/4th of a person, think it may be better off in the long run for the good ol’ US of A. Either that or round up everyone who doesn’t know the Earth revolves around the Sun and banish them to Florida. State’s a lost cause anyways. Probably has 20 of the 25% living there to begin with.

Also, suck it Europe. It’s going to be rough when we’re all forced to team up against the 20 billion Asians in the near future of which have already mastered the likes of arithmetic and literacy. Until then, ignorance is bliss baby.

By smitty posted January 30th, 2015 at 10:20 AM

The Rapping Girl In This Acura Commercial Is Too Good To Be True

I call dibs.

A little over a week ago I realized the chick from this Acura commercial is the same girl KFC blogged about a couple months ago when her husband secretly filmed her rapping Salt n’ Pepa in the car. But as the days have been going by, I’ve been noticing the commercial more and more. It’s as if there’s not a single commercial break when it’s not aired, and I’ve been falling head over heels in love. I’m developing a strong, emotional connection to this woman every time she appears on the screen. The first time I set eyes on this chick, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I’d do anything to bone her. I want to take her out to dinner, share our secrets together, stay up all night rapping and grow old together. And since she’s been able to make the jump from YouTube to a feature actress in a primetime Acura commercial, I’m sure she’s just about ready to leave her husband. So I just figured I’d come here to officially call dibs.

By jordie posted January 30th, 2015 at 9:35 AM

Barstool Philly Local Smokeshow Of The Day – Gianna

  Introducing Gianna from Kutztown U. PSAC throwing fire on this cold thursday. Send in your smoke nomination to phillytips@barstoolsports.com or on twitter @muntbarstool​  

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Introducing Gianna from Kutztown U. PSAC throwing fire on this cold thursday.

Send in your smoke nomination to phillytips@barstoolsports.com or on twitter @muntbarstool​

 

Read the rest of this entry »

By munt posted January 29th, 2015 at 5:30 PM

The Official Trailer For “Ted 2″ Has Dropped, Insert Poop Joke Here

Never thought Mark Walhberg would be subject himself to be covered in semen, but here we are.

The original Ted was decent. A real humdinger full of fart and dick quips. Naturally, the second effort looks like more of the same thing just with less Mila Kunis and more Morgan Freeman. Which I guess is a wash. There’s no way it’ll even come close to sniffing the taint of the original, but it’ll be worth a watch or 6. Also, I never thought Mark Walhberg would be subject himself to be covered in semen, but here we are.

I don’t remember when and where, but I remember a critic’s write up for the first movie as: “If a fart could masturbate, the result would be Ted”. Pulitzer Prize worthy reviewing right there.

By smitty posted January 29th, 2015 at 4:50 PM

Philly Mag Writer Calls For The End Of The Wing Bowl, Compares People Who Attend To Ray Rice

Two main questions: Who do you think you are and what gives you the right?

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Scenes from recent Wing Bowls. Photos (clockwise from top left): Sportsradio 94WIP; Alejandro A. Alvarez/Daily News; Associated Press

Philly Mag – The problem with Wing Bowl is the gross misogyny that’s overtaken the event — an event promoted by the same folks at WIP who were so (rightly) outraged at the NFL and commissioner Roger Goodell over their handling of ex-Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice’s domestic violence case. There is a connection between what Rice did in that casino elevator and what happens at Wing Bowl. And if the culture doesn’t change, this year’s Wing Bowl should be the last…

…In attendance at last year’s Wing Bowl was Ronnie Polaneczky, the columnist for the Daily News and a friend of mine. Ronnie — a wife and the mother of a college-age daughter — roamed the crowd for a firsthand look at the behavior on display. By the end of the morning, she’d gotten smacked on the ass to the tune of “Lookin’ good, babe!,” witnessed what may have been a public sex act, and watched a pair of young ladies get crowd-shamed into rubbing their bare chests against each other, then get groped by the men nearby…

…Perhaps it’s unfair to draw a straight line between chanting “Show your tits” and punching a woman in the face and dragging her unconscious body out of an elevator. But does anyone imagine that the guy who felt free to butt-slap Ronnie — a stranger, in public — would, after Wing Bowl, be less inclined to smack his girlfriend or wife around?

Allllllright. Let’s take a step back here cowboy. This article was written last week but was just brought to my attention recently. Two main questions: Who do you think you are and what gives you the right?

First off, of course the Wing Bowl is a festival full of degenerates. I’m not going to deny that. It’s a drunken mayhem filled 20K+ miserable people who took the day off of work to drink at 4am on a weekday. But are you going to tell me because of a couple of frisky assholes that every single person who attends should be designated as a lowlife wife beater? Fuck. Off. I suppose anyone who carries beads at Mardi Gras deserves to be a registered sexual offender for life, too. Better shut down the St. Patrick’s Day parades in Boston, Chicago and Scranton because a couple scumbags decided to cross the line. I’m not saying it’s right, but come on. Each person should be responsible and held accountable for their own actions. Generalizing THOUSANDS of people like this is pure dick “reporting”. The same kind of jackass who claims every Eagles fan is scum because a few drunks threw a couple snowballs at an even drunker Santa 50 years ago.

We covered Wing Bowl last year all freaking night through the actual event. We will be there tomorrow doing the same thing. And if it’s truly that bad in your eyes, there’s a very simple solution: Don’t go. This is America. You have a choice.

Between this and getting race fatigued by The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore last week I’m spent with trying to be logical. Give me a show so I can take easy street, sell out and become a talking pompous fuck, CNN/Foxnews/MSNBC. This rational thing takes too much time and effort.

PS – Does Mick Foley know what he’s signed up for as this year’s special guest? Cause it definitely ain’t feminism.

By smitty posted January 29th, 2015 at 4:15 PM
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