Holy hell. I’m not even joking around. She dead. And that’s what happens when you trust your prepubescent brother with the arms of an LA blogger to lift a 50lb drum of water. You get boomsauced by the bucket. Best wishes to that C4 Vertebrae.
UPDATE: JESUS. We’re going to need a young priest and an old priest.
Um, hi. Those were some of the best 3 minutes and 16 seconds I’ve ever spent. Jaw on floor, couldn’t even blink once. This chick just gets life. Nobody is worse than the girl who shows up to the gym toning up the glutes, flaunting her tits around in your face, and then shoots you over the meanest of death stares if she catches you trying to sneak a quick peek. That girl sucks. But not this one. No siree, Bob. She just sucked me right in like a tractor beam.
Does anybody here speak senility?
We’ve seen The Cos slip deeper and deeper into senility as of late. From wearing sweatpants to funerals to hijacking every national TV appearance by “dancing” and playing dead for minutes at a time, it’s evident the elevator in that 77-year-old building struggles to get to the top. But this old man rambling he had last night with Jimmy Fallon is one for the books. The entire 5-minutes was out of this world, but if you can translate the first couple sentences you deserve a Noble Prize in linguistics:
“We’re here! We’re here on the Fallon show and we’re waiting for the gas pedal and the clutch and the break. Too many people have hit the deer, and the deer always win. But the ones I don’t understand, I don’t understand the intelligence of a moth.”
What the fuck was that? Does anybody here speak senility? I recognize that as English but I have no idea what those words mean. Sad part is Cosby would probably be doing the exact same thing if you just shoved him in a padded room with a desk and mannequin. The man’s an elderly menace. It may be time to put Bill in a home (or to sleep). Or give him his own TV show again. Maybe both. I’d watch the hell out of this old coot ramble on about life and moth intelligence to himself and his imaginary friends.
Welcome Kacie from Villanova / Barstool Sports / TV / Your heart. We learned on Friday the Smokeshow of the century is leaving Philly in favor of KC, and since we don’t do Smokes on Friday we now honor her with one final Smokeshow Of The Day. Farewell and good luck, me lady. Nominate a [...]
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Welcome Kacie from Villanova / Barstool Sports / TV / Your heart. We learned on Friday the Smokeshow of the century is leaving Philly in favor of KC, and since we don’t do Smokes on Friday we now honor her with one final Smokeshow Of The Day. Farewell and good luck, me lady.
Nominate a Smokeshow! Email facebook links to firstname.lastname@example.org
Having balls that resemble Harvey Dent's face is the least of this guy's worries.
We should give these young whippersnappers the benefit of the doubt. They’re just a couple of boys being bo…nope. These uber bros are no younger than 30 and are wearing nail polish while jamming out to Christina Aguilera. Looks like we’ve stumbled in on a good ol’ fashioned sausage fest! And all that is going down before the one dude decides to make his crotch Cape Canaveral. Having balls that resemble Harvey Dent’s face is the least of this guy’s worries.
His dick’s on fire and he still manages to jump into the pool head first 1000x better than I can dive normally. Not happy about it.
How does one fall assbackwards into the job of "Madden Czar"?
Silver linings, Murderleg. He may not get that six-figure, weekly paycheck for playing a game for a living but at least he can say he has a greater virtual ratings than a Super Bowl winning cornerback and a batshit DT whose twitter profile once said he eats Midgets. It’s a shame, too. We had such high hopes for ye until we discovered that leg is useless unless it’s being used as a spring to decapitate someone. Shanking 11 out of 12 attempts (11 of 12!!!) in a practice last week pretty much sealed his fate. Murderleg may not be the answer at kicker, but neither is that pencil with limbs. Make the move, Chip. Can’t have the season dangle on a missed 48-yarder again.
How does one fall assbackwards into the job of “Madden Czar”? Does that require an actual college degree or do you just need to be king of the reach-arounds to the right people or something? I’m asking for
a friend myself.
I would say 90% of people participating in the viral #ALSIceBucketChallenge are doing so because they're getting 15-seconds of Facebook fame, which is why everyone should stop and watch this.
I would say 90% of people participating in the viral #ALSIceBucketChallenge are doing so because they’re getting 15-seconds of Facebook fame. That’s absolutely fine. In fact, it’s good. The campaign has raised millions of dollars and has brought more attention to this disease than ever before. But for those of you who blindly donated money or dumped water on your head but don’t know much about ALS, take this moment and realize what you’re really supporting the fight against.
ALS is easily one of the worst ways to die. It’s not even close in my mind. If you’ve had the unfortunate experience to see a loved one or friend battle ALS then you wouldn’t wish it on your worst enemy. My healthy and athletic buddy who I grew up with was diagnosed with ALS at the age of 25 and passed away shortly after (read about his entire fight with the disease here). The man was you or I – Just an average, mid-20 something jackass who liked sports, girls and booze. I saw him in August of 2009 with a sling on his arm and assumed he broke something. He replied there was nothing wrong with it and the just felt “tired”. We naturally called him a pussy and went on drinking without thinking twice. Within a month he was diagnosed with ALS. By October he was relegated to a wheelchair with little to no use of his legs and arms. In early May of 2010 he passed. Granted, it was a rather aggressive form of ALS, but the symptoms he experienced were truly God awful. This video above is the reality of the situation and people need to understand just what this #ALSIceBucketChallenge is all about. Also, visit www.alsa.org to learn more/donate about the disease.
So think about what you’re representing instead of just dumping water on your head because your mates “challenged” you on social media. And definitely don’t scoff it aside like Private Pyle here. Damn redneck can’t even spell ALS and he thinks he’s making a difference.
I can't wait to see what kind of mayhem ensues when Joel Embiid gets his 3 days with the trophy in 2018.
FTW – After winning an NBA Title, the members of the San Antonio Spurs were given three days apiece to do what they wanted with the Larry O’Brien Trophy. Being given free rein to do whatever you want with the trophy, you might feel the compulsion to do something special. Not Kawhi Leonard. Kawhi Leonard did the most Kawhi Leonard thing ever and left the Larry O’Brien trophy in his empty apartment for two days while he went to the gym to do three-a-days, according to an interview with U-T San Diego. “I didn’t have any time to do anything with it,” Leonard said. “My workout schedule is crazy.”
Spare me, Kawhi. Is this guy serious? I get the whole “it’s not about me, it’s about the team” type of personality he has going on, and I can respect it to a point. But this move right here just reeks of sneaky hardo. Sure, it’s not the Stanley Cup so it’s not like you can walk around drinking out of it or using it as the greatest cereal bowl of all time, but you can’t just let the Larry O’Brien trophy sit in your apartment and collect dust because you’re too much of a maniac and have three-a-days to get after. Have a pulse for me one time. That’s all I ask of you. I would love to like Kawhi Leonard. I think he makes for a solid role model and his humbleness is great for sports. But then he goes and pulls a stunt like this and I remember why I can’t stand the guy. I simply cannot trust someone who is physically incapable of pumping the breaks for a quick second to just be a normal human.
P.S. – I can’t wait to see what kind of mayhem ensues when Joel Embiid gets his 3 days with the trophy in 2018.