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Reminder: Get Your Questions In For The Fantasy Football Podcast NOW

Smitty's Spanks still running hot with another 2-1 effort last week, 28-16 overall.
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Pretty standard at this point. You have any questions about your championship or Draftkings weekly lineups this week? Either leave them in the comments, email into Phillytips@barstoolsports.com or Tweet them at myself @SmittyBarstool or NY Times Fantasy Football Writer/Guru/Pro @BalesFootball. I’ll put in my two cents before Bales shoots down my dreams and overall lifestyle and gives you the correct advice. It doesn’t matter if Justin Hunter is on IR and in intensive care, he’s still looking to have a breakout week.

Oh, and the money train keeps chugging along as Smitty’s NFL Spanks are currently 28-16 including 9-3 in the last four weeks. Only 1 losing week on the season. Tits and tats ahoy, gentleman. Tits and tats ahoy.

By smitty posted December 19th, 2014 at 1:20 PM

Working At One Of The Slave Apple Factories In China Looks Like A Certified Hoot

But do they offer heath insurance? Checkmate: Apple.

BBC – A BBC investigation for Panorama has exposed poor working conditions at factories making Apple products in China. The undercover team secretly filmed the iPhone production line and found Apple’s promises to protect workers were routinely broken. One undercover reporter – making parts for Apple computers – had to work eighteen days without a day off. Other workers were filmed falling asleep. Apple say they will investigate any concerns brought to them. Richard Bilton reports.

 

THE BEATINGS WILL CONTINUE UNTIL MORALE IMPROVES.

Well I guess I know why my Iphone 4s shits itself every time I download an upgrade. Maybe if Donna Chang didn’t fall asleep at the desk Siri wouldn’t be another judging skank when I ask simply ask her for directions to the nearest liquor store (JK I love you baby girl). I guess that’s what it takes for Apple to stay afloat. Because FUCK having the world’s most profitable company stay in its home country to provide jobs and an economic boost. Things may look rough over there, but do they offer heath insurance? If so, checkmate: Apple. Maybe if things don’t change here I’ll send my resume over via carrier pigeon because there’s no chance there’s Internet in that hopeless warehouse.

By smitty posted December 19th, 2014 at 12:15 PM

Nothing To See Here Just A Veterinarian Biting The Nuts Off A Reindeer On PBS

Tis the season!

 

PBS – Castrating male reindeer helps to maintain the diversity of the tundra — but how? Large males of a reindeer herd are important for a healthy tundra. Using large antlers, they dig up the most snow to expose the ground for other reindeer to graze. However, during the annual rut males fight and mate rather than dig for grass and lichen. This is why castrating males is still practiced.The old technique of biting is being brought back because it is less severe than modern methods.

Tis the season!

Seriously, what in the holy fuck? This is what public television is offering nowadays? I think it’s time to rise Shelby Foote from the grave for another delightful Civil War run. What I fundamentally don’t understand is how is biting the testicles off less severe than modern methods of castrating a reindeer? Think about that. It’s 2014. If we can put a man on the moon we can find a more civilized way to do that than chomping down on raw Reindeer sac. At least give Blitzen a sedative or something to bite down on before going Marv Albert on his balls. Please.

Good wok from PBS offering up this superb angle of a young girl taking a face full of mammal scrotum. If it’s not NSFL for the same station that airs Sesame Street than it’s kosher for all.
 

girl
By smitty posted December 19th, 2014 at 11:15 AM

The Miss World Pageant Will No Longer Have A Bikini Round And That’s A Damn Shame

It's been a hell of a run.

miss-america-kira-kazantsev-3

ABCNewsSince 1951, the Miss World pageant has been featuring over 120 contestants competing for one title and a crown. Now, for the first time in 63 years, the organization’s chairwoman Julia Morley has announced that Miss World will no longer feature a swimsuit round in their competition. “The organization has decided to take itself out of the swimsuit world because it isn’t the path they’re trying to take,” said Chris Wilmer, the national director of Miss World America/Miss United States organization. “It’s not just a beauty contest, it’s ‘beauty with a purpose’. There didn’t seem to be a purpose to have the swimsuit.”…As they try to steer clear of focusing on the physical appeal of their contestants, Miss World plans to feature a beachwear round in competitions, as opposed to bikinis. “It’ll be more of a fashion competition than a bikini show,” Wilmer said.

I guess it’s always important to highlight the difference between the Miss World pageant and the Miss Universe pageant. Miss World is where Miss America goes, Miss Universe is where Miss USA goes. Miss America is all about being really good looking but also smart and shit like that because they hand out scholarships at the end. Miss USA is pretty much just about being hot as shit. So in a sense I kinda sorta understand why they’re putting the ax on the bikini contest but any human who tries telling you that the bikini round isn’t either their favorite or 2nd favorite part of the Miss America pageant is a goddamned filthy liar. Now I’ll admit that I’m very intrigued by the “beachwear round” they’re putting in place of the bikini. I’m a huge sucker for chicks who know how to dress well for the beach. Almost think that’s better than the bikini itself. Sort of leaves a little more to the imagination and they look cute as fuck. But either way, let’s take a trip down the Google Image Memory Lane and pay our respects to the bikinis of yesteryear.

India

Jessica Casebolt

Miss-New-York

Miss-Tennessee

Miss-Tennessee2

Miss-Texas

Miss-Villanova

Miss-Virginia

Rolene-Strauss

Sweden

By jordie posted December 19th, 2014 at 10:15 AM

Classic Colbert: The First Time I Realized The Man Is An Influential Comedic Genius

The way he mousetraps the politican into a hypocritical corner takes both brains and balls, and that's what Colbert's got.

 

(This was written for last night before North Korea decided to snip Davey Pageviews’ nuts)
 
I know the point has been blogged a couple times today on other sites in the network but I need to add in my two cents. I’ve always been a big The Daily Show guy and respected Stephen Colbert’s work before he got his own show. I remember watching The Colbert Report the first night it aired and, I’m not gonna lie, I said to myself “Well, that was a good try. Dude will be back with Jon Stewart in a couple months. Obviously I couldn’t have been more wrong. It took awhile for the character and show to become icons, but man oh man, both became more funny, genius and influential than anyone could have imaged. I legitimately learned more about Campaign Finance Reform and Super PACs from this show than anywhere else in the media, and stuff like that isn’t funny, it’s important. Above is my first “Wow” moment with The Colbert Report. The way he mousetraps the politican into a hypocritical corner takes both brains and balls, and that’s what Colbert’s got. Smart and grande juevos. It’ll be interesting to see him out of character on The Late Show, but as Nate said earlier, there’s no way it won’t be good. The man is just too smart.

Below is a blog arguably his best episode ever from last year. In 23 minutes he castrates Donald Trump, makes rape jokes and puts sensational news on notice. All certified genius. MUST WATCH:

 
 

Stephen Colbert Castrated The Donald Last Night

 
 

 

So yesterday Donald Trump released his ‘bombshell’ on Barack Obama that he said would put the President’s back against the wall. Oh, the speculation. Barack and Michelle getting a divorce? Obama got AIDS from Magic Johnson during a pick up game in which featured a Cleveland Steamer gone mad? Pictures of the President in college sporting a coked up mangina wearing only a Nazi uniformed shirt at a gay-communist rally? Nope. Just a lackluster attempt to extort the most powerful man in the world into releasing documents that 99% of the country could give two shits about. College grades and passport info. Thanks, Trump. People really care about how Barack got a B in creative writing at Columbia before he went to Mexico to get stoned and bag his first Asian on Spring Break. God forbid if those charities could use that $5 mill so much that Donald just donate .00000000001% of his yearly hooker balcuzzi on his yacht budget anyways to be a good guy. But I guess that money is also needed to keep the racoons who live under that nest on his head in check.

PS – Easily one of the best Colbert Reports in awhile, maybe ever. Writers brought their A game and a half. Oh, and he did a whole segment on rape. Eat your heart out KO Barstool, if you still exist:

Read the rest of this entry »

By smitty posted December 19th, 2014 at 9:35 AM

Barstool Philly Local Smokeshow Of The Day – Liz

Introducing Liz from West Chester University. Golden Rams making their triumphant return to the Smokeshow reigns with a bombshell. Hopefully there will be more from here and other PSAC schools in the near future. I’m looking at you East Stroudsburg. Know after last weekend there are plenty out there. Send in the Smokes. Email all [...]

Introducing Liz from West Chester University. Golden Rams making their triumphant return to the Smokeshow reigns with a bombshell. Hopefully there will be more from here and other PSAC schools in the near future. I’m looking at you East Stroudsburg. Know after last weekend there are plenty out there.

Send in the Smokes. Email all Facebook links to Phillytips@barstoolsports.com

By bulldoggy posted December 18th, 2014 at 5:30 PM

Justin Verlander Complaining About Uber’s Surge Charges Really Grinds My Gears

If you've hit that $100 million man mark then these's no reason to be using the same car service as worthless bloggers.


 
Hey, this is America. If Justin Verlander wants to stuff piglets and complain about sitting on Uber’s Surge Charged Fist*, he’s allowed. Likewise, I’m allowed to voice my displeasure about a man who made $20 million dollars last season bitching about a couple of bucks. Literally peanuts. Verlander’s contract has him making $180 MILLION in GUARANTEED money. This man makes more money per pitch than some kid in Taiwan would earn in 4,000 reincarnations. In fact, it pisses me off more he succumbs to the little people and rides Uber in the first place. Once you hit that $100 million man status you NEED your own fancy car, driver and balcuzzi blower handy at all times. I use Uber when I’m blacked out and for some reason walking 4 blocks is for the birds. There’s no excuse for Verlander and I to be doing anything similar in life. Step it up in life, man.

*Uber’s Surge Charged Fist. Sounds like a damn Marvel character.

By smitty posted December 18th, 2014 at 4:45 PM

The New “American Sniper” Trailer Gets Real Deep Real Quick

Uh...just a tad intense.

 
Uhhh…yeah. There are demons that real life soldiers have to deal with that I can’t even comprehend, and I don’t want to. I ran over a squirrel once and it affected everything I did for the next week. Couldn’t shake the feeling of taking a life, but then again I’m a complete pussy. I can’t even imagine to make the dreadful decision to kill a child or risk him taking out my buddies, and then have to live with it for the rest of my days. Nope. Bless those people who are put in those awful circumstances to protect us, but I’ll stick to blogging pantsless and not seeing the sun for days at a time.

Also, Bradly Cooper with scruff and a Texas accent drips sex. That is all.

By smitty posted December 18th, 2014 at 4:00 PM
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