EA SPORTS And NHL ’15 Is Looking For The Biggest Hockey Fan In Philly

#HockeyIsBetterInPhilly

 
OK people. We all know Flyers fans are the best and most diehard this city has to offer. Now it’s time to prove your worth vs. the rest of the country. All you need to do is Tweet out why we’re the greatest puck city in the world while adding #HockeyIsBetterInPhilly and you’ll be eligible to win a full expense paid trip to Boston to compete in a game off – EA SPORTS NHL ’15 style.

Once in enemy territory you’ll face off against players from other Barstool cities in NHL ’15. The overall victor will receive:
 
1. A new Xbox One entertainment and gaming console.
2. The NHL 15 video game for Xbox One by Electronic Arts.
3. $1,000.

 
So get the #HockeyIsBetterInPhilly Tweets out there and you’ll have the opportunity to represent this great city in Boston. Time to Fly Or Die.
 
Click For Contest Rules

By smitty posted September 15th, 2014 at 3:30 PM

Playboy Names UPenn The #1 Party School In The Country…Wait, What?

Sure thing, Playboy. Sure.

upenn

Philly.com - Playboy has released their ultra scientific list of the top party schools in the nature and the University of Pennsylvania takes the number one spot. This year is the first time Penn has even appeared on the list.

Believe it or not, the honor actually reflects nicely on the city. Editors apparently consider many factors including, access to nightlife and musical events and creativity when planning social gatherings. Here’s the list:

1. University of Pennsylvania
2. University of Wisconsin
3. West Virginia University
4. University of Arizona
5. University of Iowa
6. University of California, Santa Cruz
7. University of Miami
8. Colorado State University
9. University of Texas
10/ Syracuse University

Is this a troll job? Because the terms “Best Party School” and “Ivy League” should legitimately be mutually exclusive at all times. There are schools on the nicest beaches in the country with smokes ahoy where literacy isn’t even a requirement to get a degree. I’m not so certain a school filled to the brim with Asians who get disowned if their GPA falls below 3.8 has the time or the effort to have this honorable distinction.

Then I remembered the watch parties at Blarney Stone which would make the most experienced degenerate uncomfortable. There was no amount of Patriotic justification that should excuse drinking that much at 9 am on a Tuesday. That’s not even counting the bare knuckled brawls not seen since the 1890′s held at Frat houses directly after (or so I heard). I also recounted the time the UPENN lady lacrosse team went HAM on Fado earlier this year. Smashed windows, pot on the dance floor, sex in the bathroom. The works. Drunken broads were literally hanging from the ceiling off the light fixtures during the melee.

Yeah, it’s safe to say these nerds can throw down.

By smitty posted September 15th, 2014 at 2:50 PM

USA Crushes Serbia In The FIBA Gold Medal Game And Then Crushes The Shmoney Dance

James Harden will forever be a lost puppy on defense. My goodness.

Last night the USA FIBA World Cup team finally took home the gold medal, as expected, by beating Croatia Serbia by 40. With the Spaniard’s exiting the tournament during the quarterfinal round by losing to France (Boris Diaw alert!) the tournament championship was pretty much a given as long as they showed up to the arena. Kyrie took home the MVP and gave the World a sneak preview of how his talents can mesh with his new World Class teammates while Boogie Cousins provided an unexpected lift off the bench when Anthony Davis and his Uni-brow got in early foul trouble. But the real story of the day from this game…

 

sh

 

SHMONEY! Bobby Shmurda, so hot right now, Bobby Shmurda. Guy comes out with one of the hardest joints on the block and has the NBA guys Shmurdering their way back to the US with a big ass trophy. Even Klay Thompson, a part of #TeamLightSkin is getting down and dirty. The dougie’s kind of complicated, a lot of hip and arm action, but a white guy like me can get down with the Shmoney, simple yet inspired knee and arm action.

PS – James Harden will forever be a lost puppy on defense. My goodness.

 

sh1
By steveoooo posted September 15th, 2014 at 2:20 PM

Teacher Breaks Up Cat Fight And Straight Ragdolls The Feisty Feline Into Submission

Take down, 2 points!

 
Take down, 2 points! Great form by the teach. A Suplex would’ve delivered a stronger message to the student population, but you can’t win ‘em all.

Why he just slam her? Come at a man like a man get taken down like a man. Plus that’s as textbook self defense as it gets and he handled it as well as he could. He could have pulled a Ray Rice and brought back JACKED UP, but he essentially disarmed her without causing injury. Sadly, I’d still bet the house he got canned before the final bell.
 

takedown
By smitty posted September 15th, 2014 at 1:30 PM

Does This Look Like The Face Of A Woman Who Yelled ‘Fire In The Hole!’ While Pointing A Rifle At An 11-Year-Old Boy For Practicing His Clarinet?

Boy? Clarinet? Might have been a good thing to rattle his cage.

Cheryl Ann Pifer

TSG – Incensed that an 11-year-old boy was practicing the clarinet in a neighboring backyard, a Colorado woman allegedly pointed a rifle at the child and yelled, “Fire in the hole!,” police allege. Cheryl Ann Pifer, 60, was arrested Wednesday afternoon at her Grand Junction home and charged with menacing, child abuse, and prohibited use of a weapon. The boy told cops that he was “outback doing his homework playing the clarinet” when Pifer came outside and screamed at him to “Get your ass back inside,” according to an arrest affidavit. The child told investigators that he told Pifer “it was his homework and he couldn’t [go] inside because the baby was sleeping.”

I don’t know why, but the image of Vigo The Carpathian on menopause yelling “FIRE IN THE HOLE!” while pointing a firearm at some poor kid practicing the clarinet in his backyard is hilarious. Could the kid be doing anything more innocent than playing a woodwind on his lawn? Might as well have been prancing around in knickers with a line of children or rats behind him. Can’t wait till his balls drop and he comes back with the tuba and few rolls of flaming toilet paper. At that point it’s aim small, miss small, Cheryl.

Wait a second here. Boy? Clarinet? Might have been a good thing to rattle his cage. Somebody needs to get him to switch the woodwind over to a saxaphone before middle school if he wants to survive.

By smitty posted September 15th, 2014 at 11:50 AM

Conan O’Brien And Other Celebrities Sang The Shit Out Of Classic Simpsons Tunes

You never knew what you had in Phil Hartman till he was gone.

 
So I guess The Simpsons are relevant again. And by that I mean the FXX super marathon of all their episodes have brought the glory days of the show back to the limelight. I guess that’s a good thing. The Simpsons in its prime (Seasons 2-8) was, hands down, one of the greatest shows of all time. They’ve obviously watered down the product, but you still can enjoy the classics. I haven’t watched a new Simpsons episode in over a decade and have no plans catch a new one anytime soon. And I share the same boat with the freaking creator of the entire series, Matt Groening. That says all you need to know about the current state and quality of the show.

Stonecutter’s Song (Top 5 episode of All-Time):
 

 
 

Marry Poppins riff. It’s always weird realizing Bart Simpson’s voice is that of a frumpy, middle aged batshit crazy woman:

 

 
 
Jon Lovitz sings the Planet Of The Apes musical with 1/10000th of the gusto of Troy McClure. You never knew what you had in Phil Hartman till he was gone.

 
No Dr. Zaeus/Amadeus ripoff? Borderline criminal.

By smitty posted September 15th, 2014 at 11:00 AM

Little Girl Goes Full Spaz When Dad Decides To Play Peek-A-Boo With A New Face

Can you blame her? This has to be outright sorcery for a child. How would you feel if the most important person in your life just pulled a Face/Off in front of your eyes and you couldn’t explain why? My father shaved his mustache off when I was like 5 and I flipped shit cause [...]

Can you blame her? This has to be outright sorcery for a child. How would you feel if the most important person in your life just pulled a Face/Off in front of your eyes and you couldn’t explain why? My father shaved his mustache off when I was like 5 and I flipped shit cause I believed Mommy killed Daddy and now this stranger was sleeping in his bed. The poor guy grew it back and kept the pushbroom till I was done high school cause he was scared I wouldn’t recognize him again. Granted, I was also one of those kids who liked the taste of stamp glue a little too much and probably shouldn’t have had that initial reaction, but still it’s the thought that counts. This was way past the point of mustaches being socially acceptable and years before they became somewhat ironic. Dude sucked it up and looked like a pedo for over a decade for the family. Not this selfish daddy here. This dick of a pops has no problem getting his kid ready for therapy.

By smitty posted September 15th, 2014 at 10:10 AM

Kanye West Stops Concert Until Everyone Stands Up And Whoops, Some People Are Disabled And In A Wheelchair

What better way to start off the week than with another reason to hate Kanye West?

Independent – Kanye West has never been one to engage his brain before speaking and the rapper was at it again when he halted a performance and demanded everyone in the audience stand up and dance – only to find out that two fans were in wheelchairs. Kanye told the crowd: “I can’t do this show until everybody stand up. Unless you got a handicap pass and you get special parking and s**t.” While nearly everyone stood up, Kanye spotted two people still seated and called on them to get to their feet, refusing to carry on with the show.

What better way to start off the week than with another reason to hate Kanye West? He’s a 1st team, grade A asshole and I’m sure we’re all more than aware of that by now. But here’s the most fucked up thing about Kanye; He’ll probably never in his life realize that what he did right there was wrong. Now granted, “Good Life” is that jam and if any song could get someone in a wheelchair on their feet, that would be the song. But there’s a 100% chance that he left the stage that night and was furious that handicapped people were even allowed to be in attendance. No way in hell could he be to blame for that faux pas. He’s a genius, the voice of a generation. Probably ended up firing his manager over it and is currently making sure that his concert promoter never gets another job again. That’s just Kanye West 101. Let’s make fun of the disabled since they get “special parking and shit” because what could possibly go wrong there. What a complete and utter jackass.

By jordie posted September 15th, 2014 at 9:30 AM
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