VIDEO: Owner Points Gun At Dog And Says Spread ‘Em, Pup Assumes The Position

Cute. That dog respects authority more than most of the human population.

 

Cute. That dog respects authority more than most of the human population.

Hey, it’s Friday and the Holidays. We’re all in misery. Enjoy the adorable pup video and go crack open the Nog. You’ve earned it.

By smitty posted December 19th, 2014 at 4:15 PM

Friday Afternoon GIF City

About that time to give it up for the year.
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This is our brand, spanking new feature on Friday afternoons during the Holiday season. If you’re stuck in front of the computer at this point you deserve the most mindless, enjoyable material to help pass the time. So here it is: 10 or so random GIFS from the Internets to put the mind at ease for a couple minutes. Simple as that. Could be hot, funny, painful, new, old – whatever works. Enjoy.

Read the rest of this entry »

By smitty posted December 19th, 2014 at 3:35 PM

Does This Look Of A Face Of An Upper Darby Casanova Who Grabbed The Breast Of A McDonald’s Drive-Thru Worker Saying He’d “Show Her A Good Time”?

Delco, gimme two!
d

Philly.com – A man treated a fast-food worker’s breast like a piece of meat at a McDonald’s drive-thru early this morning and when he was captured at a nearby bar he shamelessly admitted to his lewd act, claiming that he was “a ladies’ man,” according to police. The fast-food fondler, identified by police as Michael Jenkins, allegedly walked up to the drive-thru window at the McDonald’s on Lansdowne Avenue and State Road with a buddy around 12:30 a.m. and told the 31-year-old woman working the window that he would come back at 6 a.m. and “‘show her a good time,’” said Upper Darby Police Superintendent Michael Chitwood. Officers found the super-sized greaseball at the bar and asked him if he had recently assaulted a drive-thru worker. “He says ‘Yeah, I’m a ladies’ man and that girl over there wants me,’” according to Chitwood.

Delco, give me two! Upper Darby is batting a cool 1,000 this week after that fine young gentleman decided to fire up a doobie and take a shit in the middle of a police station. Par for the Delco course.

Regardless, they say true love is hard to find. Sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend. Hence why it’s not surprising Michael Jenkins pulls out all the stops in his quest to find the one. Not too sure if attacking the tits of a drive-thru worker is what we call Shooting For The Stars, but maybe one day he’ll find someone to share that crack pipe with. One day.

“A man treated a fast-food worker’s breast like a piece of meat…The fast-food fondler…super-sized greaseball”. ZINGS AHOY! Man oh man do we here at Barstool love wise quips about a molestation taking place in a fast food restaurant. Try harder Philly.com. That’s not a joke. You’re supposed to be a real source of journalism not some poor man’s smut blog. Seriously, try harder.

h/t Andrew

By smitty posted December 19th, 2014 at 2:45 PM

Voracek Gives Little Bud A Signed Jersey, Mason Hurt At Practice, Giroux Is Weird

A State of the Union if you can call it that.

Bud-Voracek2

This little dude has been everywhere the past couple of days for being the cutest Flyers fan there ever was. If you haven’t seen the Vine yet, here you go.

Awesome. This is literally the only thing that’s allowing me to hold on to some sense of hope with this year’s Flyers team. The players are a mess, Berube might be the dumbest person in all of hockey, Hextall’s only been here for a few months but I’m gonna be irrationally angry at him anyway. I hate everything about this team (who just lost in yet again another shootout last night), but you wanna know something? Bud, err I mean Voracek, is an inspiration. Nobody should aspire to be anything like this 2014-15 Philadelphia Flyers team. But for some reason, Bud does. And for some reason, that’s comforting to me. So at last night at the Flyers v. Panthers game, Voracek’s girlfriend gave little Bud over here an autographed jersey from Pork Chops himself signed “I’m Voracek”.

I’m sure my man was pumped. And now more news from Flyer land.

Excuse me while I go purchase a gun so I can blow my fucking brains out. The Flyers are about to head out on an 8-game road trip with Christmas mixed in the middle. As it stands right now, it looks like Razor Ray Emery will be a very busy man and Flyers fans everywhere will need to drink every ounce of eggnog in sight to deal with watching the goalie tandem of Ray Emery and Rob Zepp. Jesus.

And also, Claude Giroux continues to be the weirdest dude in the league. Tuesday night it looked like he picked his nose and wiped his booger on a ref. Over the summer he got in a little legal trouble for squeezing some cop ass. And last night he did this.

giroux-jersey-bite
^Might have to click for gif to play

When the league is currently passing around mumps like its herpes at your local fuck shack, maybe putting your mouth on another player isn’t the smartest decision in the world. Can’t honestly say I get what’s going on here, but I don’t hate it by any means. He’s just really weird. “Bud Voracek” is just really cool. Mason may or may not be really hurt. And the Flyers just really suck. Happy Friday to all.

By jordie posted December 19th, 2014 at 1:55 PM

Reminder: Get Your Questions In For The Fantasy Football Podcast NOW

Smitty's Spanks still running hot with another 2-1 effort last week, 28-16 overall.
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Pretty standard at this point. You have any questions about your championship or Draftkings weekly lineups this week? Either leave them in the comments, email into Phillytips@barstoolsports.com or Tweet them at myself @SmittyBarstool or NY Times Fantasy Football Writer/Guru/Pro @BalesFootball. I’ll put in my two cents before Bales shoots down my dreams and overall lifestyle and gives you the correct advice. It doesn’t matter if Justin Hunter is on IR and in intensive care, he’s still looking to have a breakout week.

Oh, and the money train keeps chugging along as Smitty’s NFL Spanks are currently 28-16 including 9-3 in the last four weeks. Only 1 losing week on the season. Tits and tats ahoy, gentleman. Tits and tats ahoy.

By smitty posted December 19th, 2014 at 1:20 PM

Working At One Of The Slave Apple Factories In China Looks Like A Certified Hoot

But do they offer heath insurance? Checkmate: Apple.

BBC – A BBC investigation for Panorama has exposed poor working conditions at factories making Apple products in China. The undercover team secretly filmed the iPhone production line and found Apple’s promises to protect workers were routinely broken. One undercover reporter – making parts for Apple computers – had to work eighteen days without a day off. Other workers were filmed falling asleep. Apple say they will investigate any concerns brought to them. Richard Bilton reports.

 

THE BEATINGS WILL CONTINUE UNTIL MORALE IMPROVES.

Well I guess I know why my Iphone 4s shits itself every time I download an upgrade. Maybe if Donna Chang didn’t fall asleep at the desk Siri wouldn’t be another judging skank when I ask simply ask her for directions to the nearest liquor store (JK I love you baby girl). I guess that’s what it takes for Apple to stay afloat. Because FUCK having the world’s most profitable company stay in its home country to provide jobs and an economic boost. Things may look rough over there, but do they offer heath insurance? If so, checkmate: Apple. Maybe if things don’t change here I’ll send my resume over via carrier pigeon because there’s no chance there’s Internet in that hopeless warehouse.

By smitty posted December 19th, 2014 at 12:15 PM

Nothing To See Here Just A Veterinarian Biting The Nuts Off A Reindeer On PBS

Tis the season!

 

PBS – Castrating male reindeer helps to maintain the diversity of the tundra — but how? Large males of a reindeer herd are important for a healthy tundra. Using large antlers, they dig up the most snow to expose the ground for other reindeer to graze. However, during the annual rut males fight and mate rather than dig for grass and lichen. This is why castrating males is still practiced.The old technique of biting is being brought back because it is less severe than modern methods.

Tis the season!

Seriously, what in the holy fuck? This is what public television is offering nowadays? I think it’s time to rise Shelby Foote from the grave for another delightful Civil War run. What I fundamentally don’t understand is how is biting the testicles off less severe than modern methods of castrating a reindeer? Think about that. It’s 2014. If we can put a man on the moon we can find a more civilized way to do that than chomping down on raw Reindeer sac. At least give Blitzen a sedative or something to bite down on before going Marv Albert on his balls. Please.

Good wok from PBS offering up this superb angle of a young girl taking a face full of mammal scrotum. If it’s not NSFL for the same station that airs Sesame Street than it’s kosher for all.
 

girl
By smitty posted December 19th, 2014 at 11:15 AM

The Miss World Pageant Will No Longer Have A Bikini Round And That’s A Damn Shame

It's been a hell of a run.

miss-america-kira-kazantsev-3

ABCNewsSince 1951, the Miss World pageant has been featuring over 120 contestants competing for one title and a crown. Now, for the first time in 63 years, the organization’s chairwoman Julia Morley has announced that Miss World will no longer feature a swimsuit round in their competition. “The organization has decided to take itself out of the swimsuit world because it isn’t the path they’re trying to take,” said Chris Wilmer, the national director of Miss World America/Miss United States organization. “It’s not just a beauty contest, it’s ‘beauty with a purpose’. There didn’t seem to be a purpose to have the swimsuit.”…As they try to steer clear of focusing on the physical appeal of their contestants, Miss World plans to feature a beachwear round in competitions, as opposed to bikinis. “It’ll be more of a fashion competition than a bikini show,” Wilmer said.

I guess it’s always important to highlight the difference between the Miss World pageant and the Miss Universe pageant. Miss World is where Miss America goes, Miss Universe is where Miss USA goes. Miss America is all about being really good looking but also smart and shit like that because they hand out scholarships at the end. Miss USA is pretty much just about being hot as shit. So in a sense I kinda sorta understand why they’re putting the ax on the bikini contest but any human who tries telling you that the bikini round isn’t either their favorite or 2nd favorite part of the Miss America pageant is a goddamned filthy liar. Now I’ll admit that I’m very intrigued by the “beachwear round” they’re putting in place of the bikini. I’m a huge sucker for chicks who know how to dress well for the beach. Almost think that’s better than the bikini itself. Sort of leaves a little more to the imagination and they look cute as fuck. But either way, let’s take a trip down the Google Image Memory Lane and pay our respects to the bikinis of yesteryear.

India

Jessica Casebolt

Miss-New-York

Miss-Tennessee

Miss-Tennessee2

Miss-Texas

Miss-Villanova

Miss-Virginia

Rolene-Strauss

Sweden

By jordie posted December 19th, 2014 at 10:15 AM
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