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Eagles New K Cody Parkey Looking GREAT In His ESPN Profile

Quite possibly the whitest guy to ever put on a uniform finally got some sun.
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Good looks, Cody! I don’t care if he’s a relatively unknown rookie, ESPN couldn’t be this stupid. The Worldwide Leader In Sports doesn’t make these kind of egregious mistakes. The only explanation has to be one of the whitest guys to ever put on a uniform finally got some sun. And good on Opie to get that much needed Vitiman D. The kid’s come a long way since Auburn and looking like there’s no shot he put his helmet on all by himself just a week ago.
 

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Seriously though, ESPN can put up a picture of Malcolm X or two giraffes fucking in Cody’s profile for all I care. This kid is going to make himself known in the league sooner than later. Preseason or not, he had complete ice water in his veins to boot 2 50+ yarders when his entire career was on the line. It’s all gravy from here. We got ourselves a kicker!!!

h/t Mark and all the 3,000 others who sent it in

By smitty posted September 2nd, 2014 at 12:25 PM

Oh Just Your Average Bloody Brawl On South Street

Good thing we stay indoors for most of the life.

Ah, South Street. One of the few areas in Center City where you can go out for a stroll and end up defending yourself to the death. One second you’re on your way to Whole Foods to pick up hummus for the woman and the next you’re spitting blood into another human’s face like an extra in 28 Days Later. Expect the unexpected on South St. Good thing we stay indoors for most of the life.

Our society needs to evolve to where it will become a Kill The Man With The Ball situation for the first person who shouts World Star in a fight. Everyone involved in the brawl just stops what they’re doing and goes after the culprit until someone else is worthless enough to yell it out. It’s gotten to the point where that’s the person who really deserves the beat down no matter the situation.

By smitty posted September 2nd, 2014 at 11:25 AM

Gotta Love This Dad Leaving It All Out On The Field To Save His Drone From Making Splashdown

You can see it in his soul he was doing anything to save his pride and joy from taking a bath.

You know this is a man who doesn’t have much to hold onto anymore in life. Overweight, 2.5 kids, nagging wife, forced vacation, cargo shorts. The one symbol of freedom he has going for himself is his new toy he spent at least an entire paycheck to purchase. You can see it in his soul he was doing anything to save his pride and joy from taking a bath. Shit, he almost jacked up his own kid while sacrificing his iPhone 6 to get there in time. Was it a certified web gem? Of course not. But that’s solely because he didn’t need to pull a Ben Revere* and lay out because it looks good. It’s all about the hustle and heart.

*Actually Revere would’ve played that like a normal Can Of Corn and ran to the other side of the lake before realizing he took a bad angle. Screw the batting title and 5 RBI’s he had yesterday. HOW CAN SOMEONE IN THE MAJOR LEAGUES PLAY POP UPS LIKE THE RIGHT FIELDER IN LITTLE LEAGUE? I hate this team.

By smitty posted September 2nd, 2014 at 10:15 AM

Lady Takes A Pole Right To The Pooper After Texting And Driving Accident

Welcome back to work!
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KUSA – A woman admits she was texting and driving when she hit a pole that went through her car, piercing her thigh and buttocks. Elizabeth firefighters had to saw off the front and back end of the pole to get the woman out. Christina Jahnz says she was in the parking lot of Elizabeth Middle School on Wednesday morning because her daughter forgot her saxophone at home. As she was driving away from the school, she started texting her friend. “I was running late for a business meeting, so I did a voice text. I looked down to make sure it was all right. The next thing I knew, I was looking up, there was white powder from the air bags deployed,” Jahnz said. Then, Jahnz realized that the guardrail pole went through the front of her truck, through her buttocks and into the back of her seat.

People die from texting while driving all the time and it’s no joke. It’s a terrible tragedy and it’s sad as hell. But you (I) hear about those deaths, feel bad for a few moments and then next think you (I) know, you’re (I’m) checking Twitter behind the wheel because you (I) can’t stand to be disconnected for any amount of time longer than 10 minutes. But this broad who took a pole up the ass may have legitimately scared me away from checking for notifications while on the road. That is the absolute last thing I would want to happen in my life. I have no idea why this is more terrifying to me than death, but it is. If the Department of Transportation really wants to drive home the point to not text and drive, this should be their poster girl. Start showing commercials without the JFF middle-finger edit and before you know it, texting and driving becomes a thing of the past. Slap around billboards everywhere with this image and people will just start throwing their phones out of the car.

The only thing I’m not buying about this story is when she said she “did a voice text”. Yeah right, bitch. Nobody uses the voice text. Nobody. It never gets anything right and it’s the biggest pain in the ass besides taking a guardrail pole up the ass. You already admitted to texting and driving, I don’t see the big deal in going all the way after that. But I digress. Also, if anyone wants to fire out some tweets for me to read on my drive home from the Jersey Shore today, send them to @BarstoolJordie.

By jordie posted September 2nd, 2014 at 9:35 AM

Your 63-74 Philadelphia Phillies Throw A No Hitter

If the Phillies throw a no-no and literally nobody cares, does it even happen?

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If the Phillies throw a no-no and literally nobody cares, does it even happen? Just shut down the season now on a high note.

Cole Hamels pitched 6 no-hit innings before his count reached 108 (5 walks). Diekman shut down the 7th with Giles throwing his usual heat in the 8th. Then the Lord Of The Douche rounds it out with a 1-2-3 9th. At this point they should’ve just let Hamels finish the race. A 200 pitch no-no is 100x more noteworthy. But I guess we’ll take it for what it is – The Phillies 12th no hitter in a season of shit. Congrats.

By smitty posted September 1st, 2014 at 4:35 PM

An Eagles Life: LeSean McCoy

One minute of goosebumps.

An Eagles Life: LeSean McCoy from Philadelphia Eagles on Vimeo.

6 days. Just wake me up the Rocky montage begins, fireworks fill the air and Eye Of The Tiger kicksoff the season. Can’t wait.

GETCHA SHADY SHIRTS WHILE THEY’RE HOT:

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By smitty posted September 1st, 2014 at 12:05 PM

CHOP Patient Performs “Bald So Hard” In Hopes Of Meeting Jay-Z At Made In America

So this is going viral in Philly this weekend, and for all the right reasons.

PHILADELPHIA (CBS) – Jay Z’s Made in America Festival is hitting Philadelphia this Labor Day weekend, and a young cancer patient has high hopes of meeting the rap star. In a YouTube video released today that’s poised to go viral, Tom, an oncology patient at CHOP, covers two Jay Z songs.
The first, which Tom has renamed “Bald So Hard,” focuses on the loss of his hair due to chemo.

So this is going viral in Philly this weekend, and for all the right reasons. I’m not saying this to be nice because if you make fun of cancer patients you’ve bought a first class ticket to hell, but those lines are legit. Better than legit.

Make it happen Jiggaman. And keep on fighting the good fight, Tom. #RightOnFightOn

By smitty posted August 31st, 2014 at 1:25 PM

Sweet Mother Of God Coco Austin’s Booty Shouldn’t Be Street Legal

Detective Tutuola needs a search warrant every time he goes into for that thing.
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(all pics via The Daily Mail)

That’s a lotta ass. Detective Tutuola needs a search warrant every time he goes into for that thing. Legitimately, do people really find the Amazon lady look attractive? Sure, I’ll take the death by Snu-Snu route on the way out of this life, but this just doesn’t look appetizing. To each their own.

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Gangsta moobs:
 

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By smitty posted August 30th, 2014 at 12:15 PM
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