"I love Michael Jordan"
Previously On Munenori Kawasaki Interviews: Bananas
The man is the Charles Barkley of batting practice interviews. Dude’s throwing out fake Michael Jordan quotes and knighting himself “Lirre Papi” on the spot. Put him in any situation doing anything and he’ll be a sight to see. Kawasaki can likewise say anything controversial or racist and it’ll be dismissed immediately as cute. If drops a blatant N bomb in everyone’s face he’ll could backtrack by saying he was trying to describe Niagara Falls or something completely off topic and it’ll be written off. Even though there is that slight possibility he speaks perfect, fluent English and we’re the chumps. And by slight possibility that’s 110% the case. It’s Kawasaki’s interviews and we’re just living in them.
Related: Chan Ho Park discusses diarrhea.
Introducing Emily from Nova. Main Line dresses. Yowza. NEED SMOKES. Send in all nominations to Phillytips@barstoolsports.com
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Introducing Emily from Nova. Main Line dresses. Yowza.
NEED SMOKES. Send in all nominations to Phillytips@barstoolsports.com
Not gonna lie, I'm starting to get over Embiid on Twitter until he laces 'em up.
Sure thing, Joel. Not gonna lie, I’m starting to get over Embiid on Twitter until he laces ‘em up. It’s not to that point yet, but for the first time I looked at one of his Tweets and got a little meh. It’s decent stuff and he’s definitely a good follow, but how long is he going to play this out? The dude isn’t even going to sniff the court until 2015 and can only keep up this act for so long. In the end, less is more. He may need to fake kick himself off Twitter again and come back firing with some new material.
That doesn’t go for the Tweets he chooses to Favorite. Anytime an athlete willing h/t’s white girl dating advice and a Fuck Her Right In The Pussy tweet out of context, it’s a good day for sports.
Don't Tread On Me, Ireland.
IRELAND – It is hardly the way to win over tourists, but this Irish cafe doesn’t seem to care. Peter’s Place, a pretty eatery in County Kerry, has placed a notice in its window banning ‘loud American’s from entering. The cafe lists the undesirables it would prefer not to receive in its establishment, including bus and coach tours and rowdy tourists from across the Pond.
Of course. Because the Irish are the most docile of creatures. You don’t want those rude Americans disturbing the gaggle of drunks wanting to bare knuckle box everyone in sight after downing a trough full of Guinness. There was a guy fresh off the boat from Dublin in college who would get smashed on a 12 hour basis. He would flat out piss himself in public and blame it on the Leprechaun in his pants. Dude was hilarious. But if that’s not only allowed, but encouraged to go down on our soil, it’s an American’s God given right to go wherever we please and loudly proclaim we’re from the greatest country on Earth. I’m ignorant enough to believe that’s what our Founding Father’s would’ve wanted.
Don’t Tread On Me, Ireland. Because it’s always a good time to rise up and kick a little ass.
That prescribed medication isn't part of Chip’s Sports Science mandatory diet, is it?
PFT – Eagles offensive tackle Lane Johnson has been suspended for the first four games of the 2014 season for violating the NFL’s policy on performance-enhancing substances. Johnson blamed the suspension, which had previously been reported but only today officially announced, on a medication that he says he took without realizing it was on the list of banned substances. He did not name the medication. “In April while training, I mistakenly and foolishly put a prescribed medication in my body to help with a medical issue. I mistakenly failed to clear it with Eagles trainers and check the NFL list of banned substances. I am extremely sorry for this mistake and I will learn from it and be smarter in the future,” Johnson said. “This will be very hard on me to not be battling with my teammates for four games – but I will be ready and better than ever when I return.”
We knew it was coming and now it’s official. At least the Eagles don’t have the likes of King Dunlap, Jerry Crafts or Karl Malone’s illigetimate kid that couldn’t block the air backing him up. They’ve got veteran Allen Barbre stepping in to solidify the line. Can you feel that excitement?!?! Exactly.
That prescribed medication isn’t part of Chip’s Sports Science mandatory diet, is it? If they are then pick it up and cover your tracks like everyone else. We’ve got a Super Bowl to pretend we can win.
Write from the heart.
YAHOO – Lana Del Rey gets real about sleeping with ‘a lot of guys’ in the music business. Lana Del Rey clearly had no filter in a new interview with Complex magazine for their August/September issue, in which the controversial singer admits to sleeping with “a lot of guys” in the music industry. When talking about her new song “F*cked My Way Up To The Top,” Lana, 29, pretty much admits the song title is literal — only she didn’t even get any of the perceived benefits. “It’s commentary, like, ‘I know what you think of me,’ and I’m alluding to that,” she says. “You know, I have slept with a lot of guys in the industry, but none of them helped me get my record deals. Which is annoying.”
Bob Dylan wrote about corruption and life in the 60′s. Bill Joel was inspired by his Long Island days. And Lana Del Rey sings about how she fucked her way to a record deal. Gotta write from the heart. Wait…she put out but didn’t get anything back in return? Talk about getting Casting Couch’d – A LOT. Fool me once, honey. But I was under the impression the music industry was king of the “You scratch my back I’ll scratch yours” mentality. How else can you explain the likes of Nickelback and Ke$ha vocally queefing their way up the charts? Can’t even imagine how many dicks Bieber’s mom end up dominating in vain before it became a moot point.
Sidenote: How does one become an authority figure in the music industry? I’m asking for
a friend myself. Because it might be the biggest power trip a man can have outside of Bill Clinton’s average afternoon. If we need to pick the drumsticks back up or see if that old bag of a piano teacher is still breathing (not a chance in hell – which she’s probably in), just let me know. Not too sure we can get by on these harmonica skills alone. Bite me, fat (now still skinny?) Blues Traveler dude:
See, it's funny because he's fat.
That’s what he gets for thinking he can cover a professional mascot. Some of the people inside those suits are more athletic than the people playing the sport. These guys bust their balls in weighed down outfits hotter than the surface of the sun while doing flips and shit. This chumbawumba looks like he’s a spaghetti meal away from committing Gluttony and dying in Se7en. The battle was over before it began. But that’s why it’s funny. A skinny fella might have fractured his skull but he’s got buoyancy to bounce off concrete unharmed. Twice. Sweet skin tight sweats, too. Not gonna be a good look when stands next to a woman on the bus and automatically goes from 6 to midnight. Should’ve elected not to look like a freak and went with the Mumu.
The 100 day anniversary is the batshit one.
INSTAGRAM – I love you, my precious boyfriend. These 100 days dating have been the highlight of my life. Even the days I drive you up the wall & the days you turn me insane, they’re the most special & most funnest, hilarious times I’ve ever had. It’s awesome having a soul mate! Constant back tickles, foot rubs, someone to play with my hair, make brekky/lunch&dinner & practice my beauty therapy on! Someone to compliment me every day & tell me they love me. & I’ve not used the heater once this freezing cold winter!!!! AND I HATE THE COLD. You’re the best hot water bottle! Sharing everything is so perfect, (just not food or the blanket). I love how we are the exact same & we think the same, it’s like having a twin, a bestfriend & a hot boyfriend all in 1! You’re family & there isn’t anything I’d change about you! (Except maybe stop leaving your charger plugged in & BEANIES LEFT EVERYWHERE!) Can’t wait to grow old with you & enjoy every second of my life with my awesome best friend. I love you munchkin, ever forget it!
100 days in and she will already Scorpion his soul if he attempts to flee. Amazing. And we’re not talking about a Tweenie girl straight out of those Babysitter’s Club books you may have accidentally read growing up. This broad is older than that.
I’m not saying Sunshine is all there, either. Dude looks like the type of guy who loves the taste of stamp glue a little too much. Regardless, he needs to take next gnarly swell out of the country or just go under and not come up. Either way, he’s going to be in a better off scenario than what’s going to happen in the next 100 days. This is still the honeymoon phase. If this is how obsessed she is loving him then expect an equal and opposite reaction of hatred down the line. It’s the Third Law Of Love, and it never fails. Sure, leaving things around the house may be cute and funny now, but give it another month. She finds a beanie on the ground while she’s menstruating and all of a sudden he’s getting sideswiped with plugged-in toasters in the shower. Get out while you have the chance.
The hotter they are, the crazier they come. And this one’s got a batshit booty.