Tour Dates

  • District N9NE
    Philadelphia, PA

    April 25th, 2014 9:00 PM
  • Irving Plaza
    New York City, NY

    April 26th, 2014 9:00 PM
  • Toad's Place
    New Haven, CT

    January 30th, 2014 9:00 PM
  • Lupo's
    Providence, RI

    January 31st, 2014 9:00 PM
  • Webster Theater
    Hartford, CT

    February 21st, 2014 9:00 PM
  • The Palladium
    Worcester, MA

    February 22nd, 2014 9:00 PM
  • Sherman Theater
    East Stroudsburg, PA

    March 1st, 2014 9:00 PM
  • The Union Bar
    Iowa City, IA

    March 8th, 2014 6:00 PM
  • The Boulder Theater
    Boulder, CO

    March 15th, 2014 9:00 PM
  • The Fillmore
    Charlotte, NC

    April 4th, 2014 10:00 PM
  • House Of Blues
    Myrtle Beach, SC

    April 5th, 2014 9:00 PM

Seeing A Dead Centipede Eat Its Way Out Of A Viper Is A Solid Excuse For Never Stepping Outside Again

NOPE.
cent

cent1

DM – Freedom was so close, yet so far for this centipede. After being swallowed whole by a snake, it made one last desperate attempt to escape by eating its way out of her stomach. Researchers found the dead nose-horned female viper with its prey exploding from its side during a field study in Macedonia on May 14 last year. Both creatures were dead. The reptile was found on Golem Grad, also known as Snake Island, and was reported in the journal Ecologica Montenegrina by Serbian herpetologist Ljiljana Tomovic last month.

Hey I’ve got a grand idea. A real certified hoot. Let’s find out where the hell Golem Grad is and bomb it back to the stone age. Get that Thermite Plasma shit used in The Rock that burns hotter than Napalm and douse the entire island. Throw in a couple Fat Man and Little Boys on top of it for good measure. Don’t exactly want to live on the same planet where a real life Creepy Crawler can eat its way out of your stomach. Let alone knowing a “Snake Island” actually exists and morons really go there. Would rather take shelter inside an Zombie’s asshole on Dead Island (great game) than that terrifying place.

Not even home is safe. Nothing worse seeing out of the corner of your eye one of these fuckers scurry along the wall.

centapede

My place could be haunted as hell and under so many building code violations it could collapse with a gust of a mouse fart and I wouldn’t care, but seeing just one of these things makes me want to move instantly. Heebie Jeebies to the max.

By smitty posted April 18th, 2014 at 10:55 AM

Video: Tennis Player Donald Young Gets A Warning For Yelling ‘Son Of A Biscuit’

One hundred percent siding with the umpire here. It's not the word that he said, it's how he said it.

One hundred percent siding with the umpire here. It’s not the word that he said, it’s how he said it. People who replace curse words with similar-sounding words are the worst. It’s like these people live in some fake dreamworld where the words we say actually matter and weren’t just sounds made up by other people a long time ago. If you’re gonna scream “FUNK!” at the top of your lungs when you screw up, you might as well get the full satisfaction of yelling “FUCK!” You’re doing the same thing only now you sound like a childish idiot.

I remember once Realanonymous and I were hanging out and he’d stopped at Wawa beforehand and picked me up a Snickers. He knows I love Snickers’ and threw the bar at like like, “Here ya go……Snickerface.” Maybe the most offensive shit I’ve ever heard. I’ve been called the N-word before and everything in between, but just the sound of that phrase “Snickerface” at that moment was the most racist shit ever. So to me it’s rarely the actual words that matter. It’s all about intent.

“Son of a biscuit” is just a pussy way of yelling “Son of a bitch”. Maybe Donald Young doesn’t understand this, but the umpire does. How about you watch your mouth and play better next time.

By maurice posted April 18th, 2014 at 10:18 AM

Attention Philadelphia: Don’t Miss Out On This Exclusive Lawyer / Ear Piercing Opportunity

Sure a fool could waste their time trying to find all three of these services in separate locations, but smart people know time equals money.
legit philadelphia lawyer
uncle jack always sunny lawyer

Three things everybody needs: an attorney with their best interests in mind when negotiating contracts, a document clearly stating their intentions should something unfortunate happen, and an unregulated underground ear piercing facility that advertises in Sharpie on power line posts.

Sure a fool could waste their time trying to find all three of these services in separate locations, but smart people know time equals money. Getting your ears pierced in a completely random SW Philly basement while having your will prepared not only shows high-level financial thinking, but it also supports local businesses. Win/win/win.

By maurice posted April 18th, 2014 at 9:40 AM

Here Are The Worst Tweets Directed At Flyers’ Jason Akeson After His High Sticking Penalty Cost The Team Game 1

Thanks, Assholes!

Is Jason Akeson the reason the Flyers lost Game 1? No. Well…yes. But not all yes. Sorta yes.

Anyway, not everybody is as on the fence about whose fault tonight’s loss was as I am. Most people agreed that this was a team loss and a lot of variables contributed to the third period meltdown. Others (our Asshole Glue Fans) were a little less understanding. Express yourself, Twitter.

Thanks, Assholes!

Somebody wake up Giroux and get him ready for Game 2.

By maurice posted April 17th, 2014 at 9:46 PM

Barstool Philly Local Smokeshow Of The Day – Brittany

Welcome Brittany from Villanova. Been awhile since we’ve had a Wildcat represented as a Smoke. Need more Nova. Need it now. Send in the Smokes. Email the Facebook links of nominations to Phillytips@barstoolsports.com Also, the Barstool Blackout tour returns to Philly on April 25. Click here and get your tix now before it sells out. [...]

Welcome Brittany from Villanova. Been awhile since we’ve had a Wildcat represented as a Smoke. Need more Nova. Need it now.

Send in the Smokes. Email the Facebook links of nominations to Phillytips@barstoolsports.com

Also, the Barstool Blackout tour returns to Philly on April 25. Click here and get your tix now before it sells out. ALL SMOKESHOWS GET IN FOR FREE.

By smitty posted April 17th, 2014 at 5:30 PM

Broad Street Vs. Broadway Taking You Into Game 1

#CLUTCHTIME

No excuses. Play like a champion. Xfinity should be the definition of mayhem tonight. Can’t wait for that and the victory.

#CLUTCHTIME

By smitty posted April 17th, 2014 at 5:15 PM

Guy Goes Absolutely Beast Wars On Cops While Being Tased No Less Than A Million Times

Dude may indeed be Michael Myers. Definition of undead.

Source - Deadly struggle between two cops and a suspect after a local restaurant called 911 to report a customer acting strangely & talking to himself, the man is 38-year-old Edward Michael Caruth. An arrest was attempted and tazer was used MULTIPLE times on Edward but with no effect, a brawl ensued and ended up in the parking lot. The suspect Edward Caruth later died on route to hospital, cause of death is undetermined. It has been reported that the suspect had previously damaged property of the restaurant turning on faucets flooding washrooms and trying to rob the back of the kitchen area.

Obviously a sad situation the man ended up losing his life in the name of the Wet Bandits. Maybe if the two butterbean cops have done a sit up in the last decade the guy would’ve been taken into custody without incident. But no shit this Incredible White Trashed Hulk died on the way to the hospital. That’s exactly what happens when you fry a few million volts of electricity through someone’s veins. Dude should’ve went up like a Christmas tree or Aldon Smith’s career after tase #8. Actually have some serious doubts on if he really died in the ambulance or if he’s preparing for a sequel. Dude may indeed be Michael Myers. Definition of undead.

Still pale in comparison to the greatest tase job ever recorded:

By smitty posted April 17th, 2014 at 4:15 PM

BREAKING: Donovan McNabb Busted In Arizona UPDATE: DUI Donny

Probably maliciously threw a ball at someone's feet and they ended up tripping over it into oncoming traffic.

For what? Nobody knows, yet, but I’m sure details will be coming out soon. Could be murder. Maliciously threw a ball at someone’s feet and they ended up tripping over it into oncoming traffic. Brilliant move, actually.

Overall it’s a D- Mugshot. It’s a matter of respect. If he could put a full smile on his face after losing games he sure as shit could at least give us a smirk here. Show his fans he truly doesn’t care about anything. Plus a v-neck? Come on, #5. Gotta plan ahead with this kind of exposure. Put on a Cambell’s Chunky Soup t-shirt and call it a pay day.

UPDATE via TMZ: 1:00 PM PT — Law enforcement tells us the mug shot stems from a DUI arrest in January.

We’re told McNabb hashed out a plea deal with prosecutors and was sentenced to 1 day in an Arizona jail.

One law enforcement source tell us McNabb has already served his time … though it’s unclear when that happened.

By smitty posted April 17th, 2014 at 3:25 PM
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