Ryan Howard Marched Into Ryne Sandberg’s Office For A Closed Door Meeting After Being Informed He’s Benched For The Second Straight Game

Time to say goodbye to The Big Piece.

(Source was Neil Hartman and Marlon Anderson on Phillies Pre-Game live, will get video up when available. Also, why the hell is Marlon Anderson on Phillies Pre/Post Game Live?)

Time to say goodbye to The Big Piece.

This benching says a lot. If the Phillies were facing a lefty like yesterday vs Bumgarner, I can understand sitting Ryan Howard. I’ve never seen somebody be fooled so much for so long by a South Paw breaking ball. It’s like he’s the only one in the stadium who doesn’t know it’s coming. Two nights ago it was tied in the bottom of the ninth with one out. Runners on first and third with Howard at the dish vs a lefty. Everyone KNEW he was either striking out or grounding into an inning ending DP. Knew it. Wish I could’ve bet it. Sure enough, a foul tip and two slow curves later, Howard takes the walk of shame for the trillionth time in his career. The man has more Golden Sombraros to his name than the richest Mexican.

But on the mound today for the Giants: Tim Hudson. AKA one of the few pitchers still playing who Ryan Howard can consider his bitch. #6 has a .328 BA and 7 HR off of Tim Hudson. He’s got 22 hits and 17 RBI. No active player has as good of numbers vs. the above average pitcher. Inside sources are saying Howard was itching for today so he can maybe use Hudson as a spark to get back to mediocrity. But nope. Sandberg benches the former MVP in favor of .077 (.077!!!!) hitter Darin Ruf stating he wants him to “Get his feet wet” by playing in back to back games. Cut the crap, Ryne. Howard sucks in comparison to the average 1B in the game today and blows massive whale cock for what he’s getting paid. This is just step one of many towards The Big Piece being cut at the end of the season…with the Phillies eating the majority of his contract.

Outside of Utley and Hamels; quality starts (not wins, mind you), Marlon Byrd is BY FAR the best thing about this season. That alone makes me despise this team even more. Now watch them reel off 6 straight and convince Ruben they’re buyers.

First pitch is at 1:05 today. Going to have to start drinking earlier than normal on a weekday to feel better about life.

By smitty posted July 24th, 2014 at 1:05 PM

Woman Reacts To Her Car Being Towed In The Most Civilized, Rational Way Possible…Just Kidding She Tries To Drive Off With The Tow Truck Attached Then Loses Her Shit

Kudos for walking on all that broken glass in bare feet and not losing an ounce of spaz.

Ha! She forgot to put it in 4 wheel drive. Women. Amiright?

I feel ya, honey. We’ve all been there. The Philadelphia Parking Authority is the most vile, soulless organization outside of the Nazis and NAMBLA. I’ve donated enough money on tickets and tow fees that I should get a honorary Bachelor’s Of Fisting from the PPA. So I can see where one see’s red and goes bananas against the system. Not too sure how destroying your own car comes into play, but to each their own. Those windows are as smashed as her dreams of knocking out stereotypes from society.

Kudos for walking on all that broken glass in bare feet and not losing an ounce of spaz. John McClane would be impressed. Yippie-ki-yay motherfucker.

By smitty posted July 24th, 2014 at 11:55 AM

A Standard Jaw Holds 32 Teeth So Of Course A Kid In India Has 232 Chompers Pulled Out Of His Mouth

I feel like it's just birth defect after birth defect over there.

[source] Surgeons in Mumbai have removed 232 teeth from the mouth of an Indian teenager in what they believe may be a world-record operation, the hospital said Thursday. Ashik Gavai, 17, sought medical help for a swelling on the right side of his lower jaw and the case was referred to the city’s JJ Hospital, where they found he was suffering from a condition known as complex odontoma, head of dentistry Sunanda Dhivare-Palwankar told AFP. “We operated on Monday and it took us almost seven hours. We thought it may be a simple surgery but once we opened it there were multiple pearl-like teeth inside the jaw bone,” she said.

India has to be the worst place ever to be born. I feel like it’s just birth defect after birth defect over there. A complete bizarro world. They’ve got babies with multiple faces on one skull, all the conjoined twins you’d ever need, and plenty of other crazy shit. So for Indian standards, I doubt having to pull 232 from some kids jaw isn’t anything too far from the ordinary. But I guess every time I go to the dentist from now on I can feel #blessed that a little cavity would be my worst-case scenario.

A little Google search told me that normal humans only have 32 teeth. So for any of you mathematicians out there, Ashik Gavai had 200 more teeth than anyone should ever have just hanging out in the right side of his mouth alone. Absolutely disgusting. The only thing we can hope for at this point is his parents were smart enough to put a camera phone on the kid after the operation. At least he didn’t beg for white dick when it was all said and done.

By jordie posted July 24th, 2014 at 11:10 AM

Reader Email: Must See Certified Smokestack Straight Out Of Australia

Holy Down Under tits.

Reader Email: Instagram smoke from Australia

Yeoooo dude,

Please check out ” lib__xx ” on instagram. AKA Libby Powell. She needs to make an appearance on barstool with a rack like that, i need to know what the world thinks and if these office chubbs are worth risking getting fired over. Oh, and her info says “21″. SsssssSSSsss.


Holy Down Under tits. Probably the only worthwhile thing to ever come out of an email that starts with “Yeooo Dude” other than a drug deal. And we’ll take it. Would love to didgeridoo those Joeys right into the outback. The only sneaky thing about Libby is her Instagram is private. It’s like you have to earn the right to see her. Kind of like makes me feel dignified, even though she obviously accepts every request that comes her way. It’s the little victories that matter in life.

To the tatties!









By smitty posted July 24th, 2014 at 10:25 AM

Toronto Infielder Munenori Kawasaki Delivers Another Gem Of An Interview In Japlish

"I love Michael Jordan"

Previously On Munenori Kawasaki Interviews: Bananas

The man is the Charles Barkley of batting practice interviews. Dude’s throwing out fake Michael Jordan quotes and knighting himself “Lirre Papi” on the spot. Put him in any situation doing anything and he’ll be a sight to see. Kawasaki can likewise say anything controversial or racist and it’ll be dismissed immediately as cute. If drops a blatant N bomb in everyone’s face he’ll could backtrack by saying he was trying to describe Niagara Falls or something completely off topic and it’ll be written off. Even though there is that slight possibility he speaks perfect, fluent English and we’re the chumps. And by slight possibility that’s 110% the case. It’s Kawasaki’s interviews and we’re just living in them.

Related: Chan Ho Park discusses diarrhea.

By smitty posted July 24th, 2014 at 9:35 AM

Barstool Philly Local Smokeshow of the Day – Emily

Introducing Emily from Nova. Main Line dresses. Yowza. NEED SMOKES. Send in all nominations to Phillytips@barstoolsports.com

Introducing Emily from Nova. Main Line dresses. Yowza.

NEED SMOKES. Send in all nominations to Phillytips@barstoolsports.com

By smitty posted July 23rd, 2014 at 5:35 PM

And Here We Have Rihanna Photoshopped In A Joel Embiid Jersey Because That What Joel Embiid Wants

Not gonna lie, I'm starting to get over Embiid on Twitter until he laces 'em up.

Sure thing, Joel. Not gonna lie, I’m starting to get over Embiid on Twitter until he laces ‘em up. It’s not to that point yet, but for the first time I looked at one of his Tweets and got a little meh. It’s decent stuff and he’s definitely a good follow, but how long is he going to play this out? The dude isn’t even going to sniff the court until 2015 and can only keep up this act for so long. In the end, less is more. He may need to fake kick himself off Twitter again and come back firing with some new material.

That doesn’t go for the Tweets he chooses to Favorite. Anytime an athlete willing h/t’s white girl dating advice and a Fuck Her Right In The Pussy tweet out of context, it’s a good day for sports.


h/t Andy

By smitty posted July 23rd, 2014 at 5:20 PM

This Irish Cafe Who Banned Loud Americans Can Gargle On My Red, White And Blue Balls

Don't Tread On Me, Ireland.

IRELAND – It is hardly the way to win over tourists, but this Irish cafe doesn’t seem to care. Peter’s Place, a pretty eatery in County Kerry, has placed a notice in its window banning ‘loud American’s from entering. The cafe lists the undesirables it would prefer not to receive in its establishment, including bus and coach tours and rowdy tourists from across the Pond.

Of course. Because the Irish are the most docile of creatures. You don’t want those rude Americans disturbing the gaggle of drunks wanting to bare knuckle box everyone in sight after downing a trough full of Guinness. There was a guy fresh off the boat from Dublin in college who would get smashed on a 12 hour basis. He would flat out piss himself in public and blame it on the Leprechaun in his pants. Dude was hilarious. But if that’s not only allowed, but encouraged to go down on our soil, it’s an American’s God given right to go wherever we please and loudly proclaim we’re from the greatest country on Earth. I’m ignorant enough to believe that’s what our Founding Father’s would’ve wanted.

Don’t Tread On Me, Ireland. Because it’s always a good time to rise up and kick a little ass.

By smitty posted July 23rd, 2014 at 4:25 PM
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