The Future Looks Bright: Lehigh Valley Phantoms Score 3 Goals In 21 Seconds

"I've never even done it in a videogame!" - Phantoms player who you have never heard of before.

“I’ve never even done it in a videogame!” – Phantoms player who you have never heard of before.

Phantoms-Senators-Box-Score

First off, I don’t know whose brilliant idea it was to turn 21 seconds into a video over 2 minutes but that doesn’t make for great YouTube-ing. Either way, check out the gosh darn Lehigh Valley Phantoms, eh? 3 goals in the first 36 of play, all of which came within 21 seconds of each other. Think about it. I’m almost positive you could have filmed an Instagram video of all 3 goals without having to pause at all. BOOYAH indeed. Life as a Flyers fan in this bleak December has been dark and dreary, weak and weary. But maybe, just maybe, there’s something to be optimistic about moving forward. Probably not, but you never know. Either way, the Lehigh Valley Phantoms now own an AHL record for the fastest 3 goals ever scored by a single team and that’s reason enough to pop bottles. And don’t forgot to pour some out for Sens’ goaltender Andrew Hammond. Respect for the dead homeys.

Flyers v. Panthers tonight. Vinny makes his return to the lineup. Can’t wait. Should be loads of fun.

By jordie posted December 18th, 2014 at 9:35 AM

This Piece On Chip Kelly’s Offensive Roots At New Hampshire Is A Must Watch For Any Eagles, Nay, Football Fan

Caution: Offensive Genius At Work (Except against Seattle or last week when it mattered).

 
I know I posted this inside a blog earlier but it deserves to be featured on its own. Interesting stuff for any football fanatic. Like him or not, Chip Kelly is an innovator.

Caution: Offensive Genius At Work (Except against Seattle or last week when it mattered….JK love ya Chip).

By smitty posted December 17th, 2014 at 7:05 PM

Barstool Philly Local Smokeshow Of The Day – Dana

Say hello to Dana from Villanova. Blonde fire on top of fire. Send in the smokes. Email all nominations to Phillytips@barstoolsports.com.

Say hello to Dana from Villanova. Blonde fire on top of fire.

Send in the smokes. Email all nominations to Phillytips@barstoolsports.com.

By bulldoggy posted December 17th, 2014 at 5:30 PM

Scumbag WPHT Host Chris Stigall Mocks The Phillies Fan Suffering From Cancer Who Appeared On Ellen

Sickening.

PHILLY – On Monday, cancer patient and Phillies super fan Julie Kramer appeared on the Ellen show as part of a series featuring interviews with inspiring women. The uplifting appearance included a check for $10,000 and a basket filled with Phillies swag, brought out by second baseman Chase Utley. Unfortunately, WPHT 1210 AM morning host Chris Stigall couldn’t leave well enough alone. On Tuesday’s show, Stigall had to rain all over Ellen’s gift, noting that Utley might not even be on the roster next season: “You know Chase Utley’s not going to be around to take the cancer patient to the games. It’s a nice invite, but he won’t even be there.” If that wasn’t bad enough, Stigall then decided to mock Kramer, pointing out the 23-year-old Tabernacle resident battling stage 4 synovial sarcoma might not survive through 162 games: “Plus, it’s probably terminal what that woman has. You think she’s going to live through an entire season?”

Sickening. Like, really pal? When you’re a public figure, and I use that term loosely because I had no idea who the fuck Chris Stigall was before this, there are certain things you shouldn’t even come close to joke about. People suffering from cancer is pretty high up on that list. Maybe tomorrow he can make light of kids starving or widows of soldiers. Sure that’ll land a couple of laughs for the dozens of people listening. What a dumb, dumb douche.

Prove this assclown wrong, Julie. #RightOnFightOn. Unfortunately he’s probably right about the Chase Utley.

By smitty posted December 17th, 2014 at 5:00 PM

Does This Look Like A Face Of An Upper Darby Man Who Walked Into The Police Station, Fired Up A Joint, Took A Dump On The Floor Then Smeared It On The Walls?

Hands up, don't poop!
higgs

 

UPPER DARBY, Pa. (WPVI) — An Upper Darby man is facing charges after allegedly walking into a police station and lighting up a joint, then undressing, defecating on the floor, then smearing his waste on the walls. It was around 11:30 a.m. Sunday when police say 33-year-old Carlen Higgs walked into the Upper Darby police station talking gibberish. He then allegedly sat down in the station lobby and lit up a marijuana cigarette. He then took off all of his clothes, defecated on the floor and then wiped his waste on the walls. Higgs was taken to a mental health facility where it was determined that he was high on drugs.


Hands up, don’t poop!

Honestly, I’d like to know how he had the time to lite up, drop his pants, crap, then become the Picasso of feces in a police station. Is Carlen Higgs have the powers of Quicksilver from X-Men and is able to slow down time to become the Mad Dumper of Delco? Because this doesn’t happen in real life. Hell, it doesn’t even happen in fake life. I can’t whip out one set of bloody knuckles in GTA at a police station wihtout getting bumrushed by a gaggle of cops. So touche, Mr. Higgs. Touche indeed.
 

By smitty posted December 17th, 2014 at 4:35 PM

Oh Just A Woman(?) Going Absolutely Bonkers On Your Normal Florida Bus

Well somebody woke up on the wrong side under the bridge this morning.

 
Did you expect anything less? Well somebody woke up on the wrong side under the bridge this morning. Sounds like a more possessed version of The Exorcist with a 3 pack a day habit. Probably just needs a Snickers. If anything I’m shocked there are good citizens there to tell her to shut the fuck up. Have you ever gone up to someone who is making an obnoxious scene on mass transportation and ask them to quiet down before? I fucking haven’t. Why? Cause I’m a pussy. I’d rather think that my moves of sighing heavily and giving bad looks till eye contact is made then look away is going to solve the problem. Going up to someone and tell them to be quiet is comparable to an act of war. You know that if these assholes are so inconsiderate to ignore the fact they’re disturbing 50 people, there’s 0 chance of them going down without a fight. God bless the people that actually step up and say something, even though they’re usually on World Star the next day unconscious on the ground getting kicked repeatedly in the face.

At least it’s nice to see the Rhubarb Lady making strides in life. Still probably need to kill it before it lays eggs.
 

By smitty posted December 17th, 2014 at 3:45 PM

Old People Are Banging Too Much On Cruise Ships And It’s Causing Some Serious STD Outbreaks

If grandma just got back from a week on the Caribbean, I suggest you just skip this one over.

old-dude-on-a-cruise

MetroPensioners have been warned to take ‘in-date, good-quality condoms’ as cruise ships have been swept by sexually transmitted diseases such as genital warts and gonorrhea. Younger people might not want to dwell on this thought, but cruise ships are not far off being floating orgies for OAPs. A new government fact sheet issued to ‘silver sailors’ highlights the fact that there has been a rise in casual sex among people aged 50-plus in recent years, according to the Health Protection Agency.

Has your grandma recently set sail to explore the Caribbean with a bunch of the other old coots in her retirement home? Well guess what? They weren’t just playing rummy and shuffleboard the whole time. Chances are they were getting down and dirty just making a complete fuck shack out of the entire ship. Just getting after it in international waters where anything and everything is legal. Yeah, try to get that image out of your head. I’ll tell you what though. This gives me a ton of hope for the future. I may not be having a ton of casual sex these days but just imagine once I’m over 50 and pretty much the only requirement a broad has for a man is that he doesn’t drop dead from a heart attack mid-thrust. Then it’s game over. I’ll be cleaning up left and right, up and down. Just hop on a Royal Caribbean on the cheap since I’m old and shit like that, dress like an asshole, eat dinner by 3:30 pm and be up to my neck in women by the time the 5 o’ clock news comes on. I’d never have to leave the ship, mostly because it’ll be really dangerous if I do because once you’re old you become a full-blown racist. But also because all the old broads are as horny as ever and ready for some jackass to come sweep them off their feet while telling them the same exact story 4 times in a 20 minute span. That’s life right there. But totally gross to think about right now.

By jordie posted December 17th, 2014 at 2:55 PM

Your Mid-Week Eagles (And Colts) Fix With All The Birds Material You Can Eat

Nick Foles is back!!! Well, back practicing. Kind of.


 

We need help, but it’s time to take care of business. Remember what a gaggle of scum Washington was earlier this year? Yeah, fuck these guys. There may need to be another Body Bag game in order. Pretty sure you can get tix for $4 somewhere, too. Real bang up job that Dan Snyder is doing down there with that organization.

   

Nick Foles is back!!! Well, practicing. Kind of.
 
Troy Aikman considered coming out of retirement to play QB for the Eagles. SERIOUSLY.
 

Remember Danny Watikins? Yeah, I’d hoped not to, too. GREAT read on the bust of the millennium found here.
 

Speaking of first round busts…WHERE THE SHIT IS MARCUS SMITH?
 

Brian Dawkins was PISSED on how the Eagles game planned and defended against Dez Bryant. This choir has had all the preaching it can handle.
 
Shit on a stick: Trent Cole has surgery on his broken hand, out indefinitely.
 
TY Hilton is back, healthy, for this week. Please, God, go for 9/283/4 TD’s. Is that too much to ask?

 
Chuck Pagano says he will not rest his starters, will play for the W in Dallas.

 
Revisit the Body Bag Game when men were men and The Vet tore ligaments at will.
 
And we’ll end with a little bit on how it all started: Chip Kelly in New Hampshire. A MUST WATCH:
 

By smitty posted December 17th, 2014 at 2:20 PM
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