Jadeveon Clowney Looks Like He’s Adjusting To The Speed Of The NFL Just Fine

If this translates into the games we may witness the first on-field decapitation sooner than later.

Freak much? Screw breaking through the line at Ludicrous Speed, I’m more impressed that he was able to let up on a dime before knocking the ball carrier back into his mother’s womb.

If this translates into the games we may witness the first on-field decapitation sooner than later, that is if Fuhrer Goodell doesn’t give him a lifetime suspension for a normal Clowney tackle, first.


By smitty posted July 28th, 2014 at 5:20 PM

People Are Freaking Out Because Wal-Mart’s Ice Cream Sandwiches Don’t Melt In The Sun

If you're reduced to buying value brand ice cream sandwiches at Wal-Mart, worrying about what you put into your body is the least of your problems.

KIKN – Dan Collins of KIKN 100.5 in Sioux Falls heard that an Walmart Ice Cream Sandwich won’t melt in the sun. So, he put it to the test. And what do you know – it won’t, even after 75 minutes in the sun. So, is it actually ice cream?

And this is a problem…why? Somebody should be in Arkansas giving that soulless family another couple billion for winning the Nobel Prize in chemistry and Nobel Peace Prize for solving world hunger. Let’s think about this one for a second. The amount of crap most of us put into our bodies on a daily basis would’ve killed the healthiest of individuals in the past. Give an original Greek Olympian a Super Sized meal from McDonald’s and they’re dropping dead from the shits on the spot. Our food is so chocked with chemicals and pink slime we may not even be human anymore. So if you’re reduced to buying value brand ice cream sandwiches at Wal-Mart, worrying about what you put into your body is the least of your problems. The type of people who have furniture on their lawn and would never be able to get a job that doesn’t involve wearing a name tag. Let them have their cake.

By smitty posted July 28th, 2014 at 4:45 PM

Science Says It’s Healthier To Fist Bump So Hopefully That’ll Put An End to Awkward Handshakes

Nothing in the world is worse than getting caught in the no-man's land between a handshake and a fist bump.

(Reuters) – Ditching handshakes in favor of more informal fist bumps could help cut down on the spread of bacteria and illnesses, according to a study released on Monday. The study in the American Journal of Infection Control found that fist bumps, where two people briefly press the top of their closed fists together, transferred about 90 percent less bacteria than handshakes. “People rarely think about the health implications of shaking hands,” Dave Whitworth, a biologist at Aberystwyth University in the United Kingdom who co-authored the study, said in a statement. “If the general public could be encouraged to fist bump, there is genuine potential to reduce the spread of infectious diseases,” he said.

Nothing in the world is worse than getting caught in the no-man’s land between a handshake and a fist bump. You go in with one, the other person comes back with the other, you do a quick little hand dance and all of a sudden you’re either palming a fist or end up getting gripped too early and lady shake it. But thanks to this recent study, hopefully this struggle can become a thing of the past. As someone who suffers from chronic clammy hands, I don’t mind the fist bump at all. I get there’s a time and place for it but it looks like its stock is on the rise. Not only will I no longer have to risk looking like an idiot wiping off my hands on my pants before a shake, but I’ll also be reducing the spread of infectious diseases. I’ve been choosing a healthier lifestyle all this time and I didn’t even know it. Obama likes to fist bump, too, and he’s the leader of the free world. Bump it.

By jordie posted July 28th, 2014 at 3:45 PM

I Defy Anyone To Be More Calm Than This Indian Riding Dirty On His Hog

Hey, at least he's wearing a helmet.

At least he’s wearing a helmet. That head will be perfectly fine when all of his other organs burst on impact. I’m not coordinated enough to go no hands on a bicycle for 2 seconds before going full spaz and here’s the Pimp Of Punjab multi-tasking in the all areas of not giving a fuck. Dude’s doing his morning Suduku like’s he’s on the #6 train downtown. Probably got in a workout and arranged all of his daughter’s marriages, too. One hell of a way to get back and forth to the panhandling quarters or, if royalty, the Capital One help desk.

By smitty posted July 28th, 2014 at 3:05 PM

Metta World Peace Got Super Feisty And Almost Went Full Palace During Outdoor Basketball Game



Cool the jets, Artest. I appreciate the fact he’s one of the few NBA players willing to throw a real punch since the ’90′s, but nobody likes that guy who’s way too competitive on the outdoor courts. We already assume he’s the guy who is taking every single shot and walking around saying he’s the best. You can’t fill three separate stereotypes of douche during pick up games. It’s Venice Beach. The only competition out there even close to Artest’s level is Sidney Dean and Billy Hoyle.

Love it how nobody even considered retaliating. The ref didn’t even T him up. You mess with Ron Arrest you better be prepared to go down with the ship.

By smitty posted July 28th, 2014 at 1:55 PM

The Fire Challenge, A Dare Where People Cover Themselves In Flammable Liquid Then Light Themselves Ablaze, Is Actually A Thing

We've had a good run, humanity.

Well, that’s it people. Humanity has had a good run but in the end, Darwin has lost. Actually, anyone who wants to do The Fire Challenge should go ahead and give it a try. If this Twinkee Ding-Dong wants to give his tits the Harvey Dent treatment, more power to him. This overpopulated world could use a Leftovers situation where 2% of people just leave. Whoever wants to volunteer to thin out the herd via Fire Challenge before the next plague or World War, be my guest.

By smitty posted July 28th, 2014 at 12:25 PM

High Schooler Throws Down From The Foul Line And I have 0 Idea What To Think Of His Celebration Dance


Borderline travel in the NBA.

I’m not knocking the kid on the kid because the dunk is impressive at any level, but we’ve seen it before and we’ll see it again. He throws down two handed from the free-throw line or takes flight from the top of the key and then we’ll talk. Granted, the gym might have exploded like a dark dirty bomb due to the celebration, but we’ll talk. I’m here for that mesmerizing post slam shake. My awkward whiteness has been informed the dance is known as the Nae Nae, but still, I can’t stop watching it. It’s like I took a bucket full of Addy and I’m left in a room alone with one of those damn 3D-Magic posters. There’s no reason for it, I’m just glued. Stomp on, young chap.

By smitty posted July 28th, 2014 at 11:40 AM

Ryan Howard Actually Asked Another Human Being: “Would You Like To Switch Places? You Want To See What It’s Like?”

I would call him a walking vagina but even a labia with legs could hit a curveball off a lefty every once in a blue moon.

700level – Faced with some tough questions after the Phils’ 4-2 win on Sunday, a less-than-magnanimous Howard sarcastically asked a reporter if he wants to trade places. “You want to trade places? You want to see what it’s like?” Before any reporters could ask their next question—which presumably would’ve been Where do I get in line?—Howard answered for them. “No, you don’t.”

WOW. He was already despised for making so much and caring so little. But with that, Ryan Howard has crowned himself the least liked athlete in Philadelphia. Let the fans eat cake. I would call him a walking vagina but even a labia with legs could hit a curve ball off a lefty every once in a blue moon.

Yo, bro. You make $25 MILLION a year for playing a kid’s game. Yeah, you get scrutinized for your shitty play on the field like you’re under a magnifying glass. Big whoop. THIS IS THE HOUSE YOU’RE GOING TO LIVE IN WHEN IT’S FINALLY DONE. That billion dollar Florida mansion has a Lazy River for Christ’s sake. People have to deal with shit everyday in their miserable lives and don’t have fuck you money they can go home and Scrooge McDuck in to relax. I get boo’d and threatened multiple times a day and I consider tuna outside the can a delicacy delivered by the God’s. So, please Ryan, spare us the pity party before the great memories become overshadowed for good.

Meanwhile, here’s Papa John’s with the cocktease of the century to every single Phillies fan out there who would like the opportunity to have 50% off of shitty pizza.


They need to score 5 runs, AND win the game? There’s a better shot at Ben Revere having the strength to get it out of the infield on the fly than both of those scenarios happening.

By smitty posted July 28th, 2014 at 10:40 AM
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