Wait, This Isn’t A Typical Crossfit Workout?

Like chimps given a bunch of weights as toys.

I’ve never done Crossfit, but from the outside looking in this seems quite realistic. Like chimps given a bunch of weights as toys. For a couple seconds it actually got me. But then I failed to see the obvious lack of self-confidence that would result in them telling the next random gas station attendant how many cleans they mastered in their last workout.

RELATED: Pullups.

KIND OF RELATED: Pumping Iron is now on Netflix. A GREAT watch of Arnold in his physical and comical prime.

By smitty posted August 15th, 2014 at 1:50 PM

Madden NFL 15′s First Commercial Is One Long Acid Trip

Fell right down the rabbit hole on this one.

Are we going to play Madden or go Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas? Seriously. Fell right down the rabbit hole on this one. Did they even show any gameplay in the commercial or was it hot Asians trying to mouth English and LeSean McCoy rapping exactly how the devil talks to me in my dreams? The damn game could be the EXACT same game as last year and nobody would notice or care. The even sadder part I’m still going to shell out $60 without asking any questions. Always have, always will. John Madden hasn’t been involved in his video game since the Clinton administration and he’s got my balls in one hand and a Turducken in the other. Even money on what he takes a bite out of first.

By smitty posted August 15th, 2014 at 11:55 AM

NOOOOOOO: Kacie McDonnell Decides To Leave Philadelphia And Her True Love In Favor Of Kansas City And Some Pretty Boy

She'll be back. They always come back...may be against the will but still, back is back.

FOX 29 News Philadelphia | WTXF-TV

Link To Video b/c Barstool’s resident IT took a sick life

No words can describe my feelings right now. Absolutely speechless. I leave with the words from the letter I wrote when I first found out she was in a relationship was going on behind my back. Same situation applies here x 10000.

Dear Honey Bunny,

What…what did I do wrong? Is it my face? We talked about that and you said there was just more to love. We had such a great thing going. Between our playful banter on Twitter and me trying to hide straight wood during our interviews at Eagles games I thought things were perfect. Now here I find out you’re jet-setting South and frolicking around with some SEC Quarterback floozy…on INSTAGRAM!!! My heart deserves the decency of a phone call before you shatter it into pieces. We could’ve been Philly’s premiere power couple. But now…now all hope is lost. Don’t even try texting me again, I won’t be there*.

Will never forget that one time when you accidentally touched my leg and later I legit sniffed your hair when you weren’t looking. Smelled like…victory.

Kisses Forever,

Smitty
Barstool Sports’ Sexiest Blogger, declared by Smokeshow of the Century Kacie McDonnell, 10/27/13

*Legit whenever Kacie texts me I try to play cool and not respond for a couple hours like I’m busy or something but in reality I’m sitting pantsless blogging just thinking about what I can say back without sounding like a jackass. 10 times out of 10 it involves a purposeful punctuation mistake or two to make it seem like it was rushed. I need a life.

She’ll be back. They always come back…may be against the will but still, back is back.

By smitty posted August 15th, 2014 at 11:20 AM

Fantasy Football Costs Employers An Estimated $13 Billion In Lost Productivity Per Season

Not gonna lie, I thought that number would be a lot higher. Like a couple trillion.
ff

TRIBUNE - The firm came to its figure using average hourly earnings of workers on private nonfarm payrolls ($24.45) and the estimated number of employed fantasy sports participants (18.3 million, assuming a 59 percent employment rate among the 31 million working-age Americans who participate in fantasy sports). Assuming, conservatively, that each employed participant spends two hours a week on fantasy sports while on the job, it works out to $13.4 billion over the course of the 15-week fantasy football schedule.”

And people should be surprised? Cube monkeys do anything and everything to get through the day without actually doing work. There’s only so many times you can doodle at your desk or phone into the Call & Oates hotline and pretend like you’re locking down a sale. Taking a shit on the clock more than twice a shift has become a damn national pastime, but not even the strongest of men can withstand the corporate bathroom in the afternoon. Those stalls have been bombed more than London in the ’40′s. That’s where Fantasy Football comes in to fill the seasonal gap. So I’m not gonna lie, I thought that number would be a lot higher. Like a couple trillion. There are guys in FF leagues who write novels every day. They make up tall tales and poems of how Jamaal Charles is going to smite your wife just to escape the drudgery of reality for a couple of hours. These Pulitzer worthy feats aren’t created at home. They’re done on the clock. Even the casual Fantasy Football player takes time out of their day to curse out Lance Moore and Stephen Jackson for being outright inactive bums. The League could legitimately be a documentary at this point.

By smitty posted August 15th, 2014 at 10:30 AM

Queen Of The Racists Loses Her Marbles After Car Accident In Alaska

Nothing worse than these Muslim atheists ruining the country.

“You goddamn sonuva n*gger lovin atheist bitch!”

Allllllrighty then. Let’s just make a grab bag of every ignorant term, shake that shit up and see what comes out. I can’t even think of insults that fast let alone say them aloud. This woman is a racist Olympian. But she is right about one thing, these Muslim atheists are ruining the country.

This Thundercunt and that rhubarb stealing lady need to stay on the opposite ends of the Earth. If they ever met it would be worst than when the Keymaster and Gatekeeper got together.

By smitty posted August 15th, 2014 at 9:30 AM

Barstool Philly Local Smokeshow of the – Rebecca

Introducing Rebecca from Penn State. Big time looker to end a big time Smoke week. Have to love it. Send Nominees to Phillytips@barstoolsports.com

Introducing Rebecca from Penn State. Big time looker to end a big time Smoke week. Have to love it.

Send Nominees to Phillytips@barstoolsports.com

By smitty posted August 14th, 2014 at 5:30 PM

ATTENTION ALL DEGENERATES: 4 Spots And Have Opened Up For Saturday’s Golf Outing In Avalon

"Hey everybody! We're all gonna get laid!"

As simple as simple gets. One foursome. $100/person for 18 holes/food/beer/prizes. First person to email in to Phillytips@barstoolsports.com, first serve. If you can’t PayPal it over by tonight or be at the Avalon Golf Club for registration at 11am followed by tee-time at noon then don’t bother.

We’ll see you on the course.

By smitty posted August 14th, 2014 at 5:15 PM

Lil’ Wayne Freestyled On Sportscenter Today Because ESPN Pisses Where It Pleases

That SUCKED.

First off, what the hell, Miniature Weezy? That SUCKED. Get some vomit on the sweater already, mom’s spaghetti before going up there halfassed. Guess it’s tougher than it looks not being able to drop an n-bomb, pussy or fuck every other word. But kudos to ESPN for just whipping it out right in our faces. Again. No NBA, NFL or any other important sport whose TV rights are owned by Disney going on right now? Screw it. Let’s get an ex-con to give a PG rap over an already butchered theme. The NHL does already gets enough airtime with that 40 seconds a month.

The entire channel is being diluted to shit, if it hasn’t reached that point of manure already. ESPN needs to air just a couple live Sportscenter’s a day hosted by SVP with 30 for 30′s mixed in until actual live sports can be shown at night. NFL Live can stay, too. Boom. Station fixed.

By smitty posted August 14th, 2014 at 4:45 PM
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