There’s Too Much Deflategate Crap Going Down So Here’s A Pool Trick Shot Video Featuring Serious LEGS

Pool + Babes x Trick Shots = A decent watch, every single time.

Enough with this nonsense. Pool + Trick Shotts x Babes = A decent watch, every single time.

Barroom pool is such a great American pastime. And to think it used to be my 2nd favorite bar game sandwiched between shuffleboard and getting blitzed while not trying to piss myself. After seeing how Europe gets down with darts, we have a new winner. And it even looks like you’re encouraged to drink until you piss yourself. Win-wins all around.

By smitty posted January 21st, 2015 at 2:30 PM

All 4 Of The 2nd Period Fights From The Flyers/Pens Game In One Handy Video

Sign Voracek up for a middleweight title fight after that pummeling.

Boss. Sign Voracek up for a middleweight title fight after that pummeling. Schenn would battle for the heavyweight, too, if he didn’t take those few pillows at the end. Dude was throwing straight bombs with that left hand.

The Flyers may suck out loud this year but you gotta love the passion and drive they show playing the Pens (WHY CAN’T THEY PLAY LIKE THAT EVERY NIGHT?!?!). That one of the best fight nights in South Philly since last year’s Assault On The Ice. Still surprised Ray Emery didn’t end up in prison after that one.

By smitty posted January 21st, 2015 at 1:35 PM

Why Wasn’t I Informed Sylvester Stallone Was Hanging Out On The Art Museum Steps?

It would be like the time he race Apollo Creed on the beach, only somehow with more sexual tension.

FTW – In this Jan. 17, 2015, photo provided by Peter Rowe, Rowe, right, takes a selfie with friends Jacob Kerstan, left, Andrew Wright, third from left and actor Sylvester Stallone in Philadelphia. Rowe said the three friends had just finished racing up the staircase at the city’s Museum of Art when they saw Stallone.

Somebody dropped the freaking ball. Rocky himself was chilling on his most iconic spot literally 2 min from my shack and nobody informed me? Unacceptable. I would kill for the chance to run with Philly’s greatest imaginary friend. It would be like the time he raced Apollo Creed on the beach, only somehow with more sexual tension.

Bonus: The time I flashed Mo in a race up the steps then avoided getting stabbed by a couple of Saints fans on parole. #Memories

By smitty posted January 21st, 2015 at 12:05 PM

Woman Waltzes Into Police Station To Throw Raw Bacon And Yell At The Pig Cops

You want some brutality? Because that's how you get some brutality.

And this proves…what, exactly? Hey, I’m not going to sit here and say that all cops are upstanding, honest people upholding the law to the greatest degree. But you know what? Most of them freaking are and will die protecting you. And for this little woman to go into a police station solely to do this is absolutely pointless. In fact they probably would’ve preferred if she threw some eggs and hashbrowns for a balanced breakfast, too. That is, of course, they were in a good mood. Because you want some brutality? Because that’s how you get some brutality.

By smitty posted January 21st, 2015 at 11:10 AM

The Flyers Continue To Own The Pittsburgh Penguins

Can we stop calling this the Battle Of Pennsylvania already? Not really much of a battle these day.

flyers-pens
Flyers 3, Penguins 2 (OT)

They keep calling this the “Battle of Pennsylvania”. They keep saying this is a rivalry. But I gotta admit, I’m getting pretty bored. I mean, that makes 6 in a row for everyone counting at home. And listen, I know the Flyers are a very bad ice hockey team. But for as bad as they are, that’s how much of mental midgets the Pittsburgh Penguins are. Seriously, since the Eastern Conference Quarter Finals in 2012, the Flyers have owned the minds, bodies, and souls of the Pittsburgh Penguins. If the Flyers could play every game against Pittsburgh and I got a dollar for every win, I would, at the end of the regular season, have a grand total of $82 dollars. Now let’s drop the mitters and get down to it.

Fight, Fight, Fight, Fight

4 fights in the 2nd period. I guess it really is a rivalry. And the craziest stat of all is that 3 of the fights were Europeans. Euros who never fight. Holy fuck I love hockey. We’ve got Bellemare dropping the gloves and absolutely teeing off on Farnham. Michael Raffl decided it was his turn to get in a tilt with Zach Sill (eh, good job good effort I guess). And then Voracek went after Rob Scuderi and was dropping bombs. Angry Pork Chops is my favorite Pork Chops. Rinaldo was tossed from the game so obviously he couldn’t get into the action but luckily Luke Schenn stepped up to square off with that punk bitch Steve Downie. If there was ever any player in the NHL who deserved to get knocked the fuck out and then continued to be pummeled while he lays on the ice, it’s him. All the fights will be at the end of the post.

Penguins Tears Are My Favorite Flavor Of Tastykakes
giroux-ot

Was Captain Claude’s overtime dagger the prettiest goal you’ve ever seen in the world? Probably not. But that’s a goal scorer’s goal. Right place, right time. More than I can say about that jabroni Crosby. Dude couldn’t have been more irrelevant out there last night skating around with his ear guards still in his bucket. And let’s talk about Chris VandeVelde real quick. Is he the hottest player in the NHL right now? 3-game scoring streak from a guy who not even everyone in Philadelphia knows who he is. Love it. Del Zotto came up big with the helper on that goal so that cancels out those bad penalties he took and that one play where he got caught holding LB RB too long.

Is the Flyers PK Unit Really Good, Or Penguins Powerplay Really Bad?

Hey, Pittsburgh. In case you didn’t hear the news, the Flyers have the worst penalty kill in the league. Not as an exaggeration. Like the literal worst penalty killing unit this world has ever seen. So maybe if you sorry losers ever want to be the Flyers again, scoring on at least 1 of your 6 power plays would be a good place to start. Just a suggestion.

The Other Guys

- The Rinaldo hit was dirty. Not like realllly dirty. But definitely a dirty hit. I’ve seen cleaner. And since he’s a repeat offender, I’m sure he’ll have a couple of games to sit out.
rinaldo-hit-letand

- Razor Ray Emery played a hell of a game. Somehow he always manages to play well against Pittsburgh. There were plenty of points throughout the game he kept the Flyers in there. I know that would hold up, but he at least deserves the respect and credit for last night.

- Let’s just watch some fights and call it a day.

If you ever wanna talk about how much you also hate the Penguins, I’m always available @BarstoolJordie.

Also, if you’re interested in getting hockey GIFs in real time, I suggest following @myregularface

By jordie posted January 21st, 2015 at 10:15 AM

So Who Or What Is “The Savior”?

So Pres all hopped up on coffee, Patriots and pennies went OFF on yesterday’s rundown because he saw someone posting on Philly as “The Savior”. Mainly, the boss had major issues with the name. Maybe it is a stupid nickname. Maybe it’s an inner Jew mechanism that gets defensive over Jesus related terms. Maybe it’s [...]

savior

So Pres all hopped up on coffee, Patriots and pennies went OFF on yesterday’s rundown because he saw someone posting on Philly as “The Savior”. Mainly, the boss had major issues with the name. Maybe it is a stupid nickname. Maybe it’s an inner Jew mechanism that gets defensive over Jesus related terms. Maybe it’s another realization that the nose is so big it’s impossible to keep track of what’s under that thing. Whatever the case, I didn’t notice or care about the name being an issue when we set it up. I mean, fuck it. As long as it’s not derogatory or offensive and he does his job I’ll call him whatever he wants. A rose can go by any other name but will still smell as sweet. However, the main consensus is people, myself included, wanted to know where this name came from. This kid can’t be that pompous enough to give himself the nickname “The Savior”. And unless his entire childhood community existed in a toolshed, there’s no way any friends would give him that monocle, either. An investigation was needed and here’s what we discovered.

Quick backstory: We needed a new Smut Lord for Philly to handle the wake ups, galleries and occasional GTA. A T-Bone with a little less Jersey trash, if you will. Bulldoggy didn’t handle to load(s) properly so before the new year I saw if anyone would inquire the volunteer position. Among the responses was this lad who somehow “Interned” for my first (now obviously defunct) blog, Almighty Philly, wayyyy back in 2010. No idea how or why I had a slave pretending to help out a site that DOZENS of hardcore Philly faithful checked out at the time, but that’s neither here nor there. He wrote a couple of blogs – literally a couple, I think 2 – and went by the name The Savior. Naturally, he was was brought back under the same anonymous name.

When stressed out Pressy blew a gasket yesterday I inquired to how the hell he got that name in the first place. Did his friends or family call him the Savior? If so, why? Was he the jackass who gave it to himself? Because that’s a MAJOR, fireable violation giving yourself a nickname, no matter what it is. Your friends decide what you’re called and if you try to change that you deserve to be called worse. Here’s the response I got (click to enlarge):

sav

Well, shit. So I guess I’m the asshat who for some reason first called him the second coming of Christ? Egg: Meet face. I seriously have no idea when, how or why that happened. My guess is I was either A) Drunk, or B) That was around the time my once great poker career/life came crashing to the 7th level of hell and I was looking anywhere for a miracle. Probably both. Really the only explanation.

But now what’s the play? The boss obviously wants it changed, but this country wasn’t built on obeying authority. And if America proves anything it’s that anyone has a chance. Ever hear of Valley Forge and Bunker Hill? Time to voice your Democratic right:

Vote 1 for It’s Just A Name, Not Worth Getting Fired For The 3rd Time In 2 Years and 10 for Time To Draw A Line In The Sand And Walk On Water: The Savior Stays:

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars6 Stars7 Stars8 Stars9 Stars10 Stars (326 votes, average: 8.44 out of 10)
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By smitty posted January 21st, 2015 at 9:35 AM

The Official “State of the Union” Drinking Game

It's important to remain politically informed and stuff.

obama-drinking

President Obama will be making his sixth State of the Union address tonight a 9 pm (ET). Now while we all like to have fun around here, it’s also very important to remain politically informed. That way you can serve up some steaming hot takes on the internet and make all of your Facebook friends glad that they haven’t unfriend-ed you yet. But since watching the State of the Union address is extremely boring and everything about politics is pretty depressing, we midas whale drink about it. There are going to be a few key points the President will touch on in his address tonight. They are: relations with Cuba, combating ISIS and other terror organizations, Cybersecurity, and raising taxes for all you rich folk. So here’s how the game will go.

Take a sip if…
- They show Michelle Obama and you think to yourself, “eh, I would”.
- People start clapping and you have no idea what they’re clapping for.
- Obama mentions “The Interview” and how hilarious James Franco and Seth Rogen are.
- You change the channel to check the score of the game.
- Obama mentions taxes and before you even hear what he has to say your reaction is “fuck this guy”.
- Obama refers to everyone in the audience as “12′s”.

Take a big ass gulp if…
- The amount of times Obama mentions ISIS/ISIL is less than the amount of times Daniel Carcillo has been suspended.
- The amount of minutes Obama talks about Sony is more than the amount of picks Russell Wilson threw last week.
- You see Joe Biden and wish he was your crazy uncle.
- You wish the Key & Peele Obama anger translator was a real thing.

Finish your drink if…
- John Boehner shows up and his face is a brighter shade of orange than the Flyers jerseys.
- Obama lights up a fat Cuban cigar right on the stage.
- Obama stretches his eyelids back with his fingers to make fun of the North Koreans.
- You’re just a renegade and want to play by your own rules.

And if you want to send me any of your takes, they can be directed to @BarstoolJordie.

By jordie posted January 20th, 2015 at 8:00 PM

Not Cool, Trivia Crack

Also, I don't lose at Trivia Crack unless I'm drunk or you cheat. Just doesn't happen.

 

One time, man. I don’t ask for much. Just one freaking time.

Also, I don’t lose at Trivia Crack unless I’m drunk or you cheat. Just doesn’t happen. Picasso was born to paint. Babe Ruth was put on Earth to hit home runs. I’m here to obtain every bit of useless information that in no way, shape or form can help me or anyone else in real life. There’s no shot in hell I’d be able to start a fire in a survival situation but I rattle off all 7 Dwarves, the last 25 Best Picture winners and every single Dude on the 1993 Phillies roster so fast it’ll make your nuts spin.
 

By smitty posted January 20th, 2015 at 7:30 PM
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