“Did she bite you in the genitals?” (looks around to make sure she’s not there to hurt him again) “…Yeah.”
This is real life redneck gold, Jerry! Gold! Rodeos. Dick biting for punishment, not pleasure. Motherfucking black pigs wandering around the driveway with the family dog. This is real ‘MURICA. Places where you can beat your wife and she can beat you and if you call 911 you have to go on camera and essentially admit you’re flaming pussy for doing so.
But say disputes happen all the time in your house you say? No shit. That’s what happens when you live under the same roof with your wife and her ex-husband. Take it from Jabari, head gorilla at the Philly Zoo, there can only be one alpha male per domicile. Anything more is just uncivilized. Guaranteed there has been multiple moonshine stabbings and/or gunshot wounds swept under the rug in that household since the ex moved in.
I’ll tell you what though, the wife’s still got a nice little package on her after shitting out 4 watermelons. If your psychotic smoke of a milf wife wants to stay and dance at the rodeo, you better start square dancing your dick off or face the consequences. Love it that she’s got a little crazy in her. Ride The Bull with her and you might be the one who tries to get away.
What was the point of that shit? If you’re gonna use the chopper in the club, at least make it worth it. Blasting off at random isn’t worth doing 5-10 in Federal Pound Me In The Ass. Especially when you’re a clumsy motherfucker who can’t even run straight without slipping like a banana peel cartoon character.
Also — how high is he?
Late-night snap decisions at the titty bar while drunk and high are never the right decisions. It’s like taking money out of the ATM after 1 AM — nothing good has ever come from it.
Yvonne Strahovski. Recently watched all of season 7 of in like 2 days and she’s why. Kinda see where weirdo stalkers are coming from now.. I might hunt her down and make her mine. And I can’t even pronounce her name.. just makes her that much more sexy.
Go take what’s yours. And by that I mean masturbate quietly to her in the men’s bathroom at your job. Any real-life action is super creepy.
Yep, it’s official. Cheltenham’s (yes, Philly is claiming him) Lil Dicky is my favorite rapper in the game today. Was never really a big hip-hop aficionado but I’d take this over anything Drake or Kanye shits out of their mouths any day of the week. Plus Ex-boyfriend is a game changer and Sports is fresh as tits.
Sorry to all women and Mo, but this song is pretty much on point on how we feel. Damn it feels good to be a white dude. Now only if the Jews can welcome me into their fancy little club without me being forced to marry one then I’ll have it made in the shade.
Welcome Marisa from Temple. Something very sweet and innocent about Marisa — makes her dangerous. It’s always the sweet kid-faced ones you gotta watch out for. I don’t know exactly what I mean by that, but yeah. I stand by it.
Nominate a Smokeshow — REMEMBER ALL SMOKES GET FREE TICKETS TO BARSTOOL FOAM SHOWS, INCLUDING OUR JULY 20TH SHOW AT THE ATLANTIC CITY CONVENTION CENTER.
Hey, I’m not gonna hate. Gotta concede victory and throw fatties a bone once in awhile. His spank bank just became Fort Knox, so hopefully he will be able to visually locate his dick again sometime soon.
I sincerely hope that if his bros were Herculean enough to be able to lift him up on their shoulders that they threw his Shamu ass directly on the face of the blonde cockblocking bitch. What a cunt.
If aliens ever come to visit Earth and for whatever reason require a by-the-book example of a faceplant instead of like a meeting with our planet’s leadership, sampling of our ecology, or details of our history, somebody do them a favor and point them in the direction of this video.
I know you love techonology. My touchscreen computer went obsolete before I even got one.
–BK
Hey, have you guys ever had to borrow a friend’s cell phone? Like maybe you left yours at home or your service was cut off or you know your girlfriend secretly checks through yours so you call your bullpen chicks with a friends’? Totally normal situation, right? Well I think you’d all be happy to know that you probably definitely wiped that person’s shit all over your face.
All over it. How so? Because everybody who has ever owned a smartphone or tablet has 100% played with it on the toilet while shitting, thus enabling millions if not billions of doo doo particles to tap dance on their screen and eventually onto your cheek and mouth area. It’s absolutely the grossest thing nobody talks about.
Which is why this technology is brilliant. Finally, germophobes who sometimes forget to pay their bills can feel comfortable using the devices of their friends and coworkers without fear of feces-related disease. Bravo, Microsoft.
(60 votes, average: 9.30 out of 10)
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