Al Bundy Doesn’t Get The Respect He Deserves And Needs To Be Appreciated More In Today’s Society

Fat woman: "How dare you say that to my face." Al: "Well I'd say it behind your back but my car only has a half a tank of gas!"

Fat woman: “How dare you say that to my face.” Al: “Well I’d say it behind your back but my car only has a half a tank of gas!”

We touched on this a couple weeks back when the family got together for a Married With Children reunion photo (Kelly and Peg can still GET IT), but we need to have a sit down discussion.

Don’t ask me why (hungover and avoiding actual work is the answer), but I’ve been watching Al Bundy highlights on YouTube for the past hour and the feeling of nostalgia is too overwhelming not to post something. Anybody who lived during the decade of the ’90′s knows the likes of selling women’s shoes, Biggins and No Ma’am. Scoring 4 touchdowns in one game seemed like folklore that was only attained by the greatest. Yeah, Al sold women’s shoes for a living. He had foot odor that can only be compared to if you did a line of fertilizer queefed out by Honey Boo Boo, but dammit he’s a true American. There is NO WAY in hell that Married With Children would be green lit to be a prime-time series today. The sexism and the fuck you to political correction would never be tolerated now, but that’s what made the show great. Al told it like it is because his life sucked and he couldn’t give a flying fuck unless you had a nice set of hooters or could help start up the Dodge when it died. Simple as that. The man is a hero and needs to be appreciated.

PS, Again – Fact.

PPS, Again – Kelly Bundy FTW and then some. Kelly Kapowski can kiss my dick.

By smitty posted September 19th, 2014 at 11:15 AM

The Falcon’s Mascot Straight Ragdolled A Buc’s Streaker To The Ground

I don't care if this is set up or not, you don't fuck with professional mascots.

I don’t care if this is set up or not, you don’t fuck with professional mascots. You just don’t Do you know how in shape these out of work actors need to be to run around wearing 50lbs of queer gear at a body temperature of 120 degrees? I get out of breath battling a flight of stairs and these guys are going full boar for hours at a time. A lot of them are more athletic than the people on the field. The Phanatic’s “friend” Tom Burgoyne has to be pushing 50 and is straight SHREDDED. Plus the amount of aggression built up from having to be civilized to brat kids and drunk dicks has to make these guys a ticking time bomb at all times.

Seriously don’t mess with these freaks unless you want a one-way ticket to Jacked Up City.

By smitty posted September 19th, 2014 at 10:20 AM

Nick Young Is Making Lakers Rookies Call Him ‘Daddy Swag’

Never has a shooting guard averaging 12 PPG been so ruthlessly cocky.
daddy

LAKERSNATION – During an interview Young did with Mike Trudell of Lakers.com, the veteran let it be known the rookies will be addressing him a little different this season. Young said the following about what Randle and Clarkson will have to call him: “It got a little swag in it.” Clarkson then told Trudell what Young will be called next season: “Daddy Swag.”

This guy is so diabolically douche you have no choice but to respect him. Never has a shooting guard averaging 12 PPG been so ruthlessly cocky. The man is a couple bad games away from stocking shelves at K-Mart and he acts like he’s one of the greats. And can you blame him? The dude’s in the NBA making every moment count. Whether it’s shooting every, single time he touches the ball or stuffing it in Iggy’s almighty ass the man is living life to the fullest. He don’t care his team only won 27 games last year. Swaggy P gonna Swaggy.

All dat ass (still one of my favorite drunk athlete moments of all-time):

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By smitty posted September 19th, 2014 at 9:30 AM

Barstool Philly Local Smokeshow Of The Day – Bianca

Introducing Bianca from The U via Philly. A certified Smoke STACK to end the Smoke week. Love it. Reload us up for next week. Send all Smokeshow nominations to Phillytips@barstoolsports.com

bi

Introducing Bianca from The U via Philly. A certified Smoke STACK to end the Smoke week. Love it.

Reload us up for next week. Send all Smokeshow nominations to Phillytips@barstoolsports.com

Read the rest of this entry »

By smitty posted September 18th, 2014 at 5:35 PM

Using A Cannon To Get Rid Of That Yellow Jacket’s Nest Makes More Sense Than It Should

If you have a cannon lying around I guess you gotta find ways to let it rip.

(skip to 2:15 and put on those earmuffs cause it is LOUD)

Boss. This is exactly what the Founding Fathers had in mind when they created that 2nd Amendment. But if you have a cannon lying around I guess you gotta find ways to let it rip. You get what, 2, maybe 3 legal reasons to fire off that bad boy a year? Using it on the 4th of July and to scare the tits off the punk neighborhood kids isn’t enough bang for the buck. Have to give the bees an artillery moneyshot.

By smitty posted September 18th, 2014 at 5:10 PM

How Happy Do You Think My Dad Was When He Thought Of This Joke?

"U can use that on ur website if you want" is such a savage, backhanded play.
pops

Pops coming in hot! Actually not too shabby of an effort, and for that you can see the glare of his smile from space. “U can use that on ur website if you want” is such a savage, backhanded play, too. Like my jokes aren’t good enough on this little blog here or something? For a 60-year-old man who wears an Eagles jersey like an 8-year-old while watching the Birds on TV from the living room, that’s a bold move. And yes, our family is essentially the non-Delco version of Silver Linings Playbook. Minus of course the hot chick trying to hop on my nuts. That would help a lot of things out.

Dad humor. The most harmless source of entertainment in all the land.

 

 

dadhumor
By smitty posted September 18th, 2014 at 4:10 PM

This Pup From The Northeast Went Missing For 2 Years and Was Just Found in Florida

To steal a quote from the white women, "I can't even".

missingdog

YAHOO - A dog that went missing in New York more than two years ago turned up alive and well this week — in Florida. According to Giuseppe DiBella, his 6-month-old toy fox terrier, Nika, vanished from the backyard of his Newburgh, New York, home in May 2012. DiBella spent a year searching animal shelters and distributing missing-dog posters, but he eventually all but gave up hope, buying another dog to replace his beloved pooch. Last week, he got a phone call from police in Ocala, Florida, informing him that Nika had been found on the doorstep of local home.

To steal a quote from the white women, “I can’t even”. Nika was only 6 months old when she (I’m guessing it’s a she with that name) went missing. Just a baby pup having to fight for her survival out on her own in the world.  I can’t imagine all the emotions Giuseppe DiBella was going through. When I was just a young Jordie, my dog snuck out of our backyard but we found her in like 5 minutes. Still, those 5 minutes were awful and I felt sick to my stomach. Imagine feeling that for 2 whole years. Absolutely brutal. Real quick though, how about Giuseppe calling off the search and just buying a new dog? If you’re dog is lost you don’t look for a year and then call it quits. You get your ass out there and you find that fucking dog. But what a great story on the resiliency of dogs everywhere, and I’m sure that reunion is going to be the best of times. Like finding money you left in your jacket pocket from last winter only times a million because you found a lovable dog that you can’t put a price on. So three cheers for Nika. She’s earned every damn one of them.

P.S. – Just read that Nika was stolen from the backyard and didn’t just run away. You’ve gotta be a real low-life scumbag to steal a dog. There’s a special place in hell for people like that.

By jordie posted September 18th, 2014 at 3:10 PM

Londoner Throws The Most Mary Punch Ever, Promptly Gets Knocked Out On McDonald’s Floor

Looked like George Costanza jumping over a puddle.

 
Bloody blokes. There’s nothing much more degrading than going to sleep on the floor of a fast food joint. Maybe realizing you’re on your 5th meal of canned tuna in a row, including 2 breakfasts, but that’s neither here nor there. Also, if you’re going to be the hard-dicked instigator, you gotta be better than giving a half-assed headbutt and throwing a couple pillows. Those punches had the same PSI as when I try to throw a haymaker in a dream. The last one looked like George Costanza jumping over a puddle.

 

puddle
By smitty posted September 18th, 2014 at 2:25 PM
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