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First things first, the Eagles need to win out. They lose at Wash or in the Meadowlands then they’re done no matter what. And even if they win both games then they’ll still probably be the third team since the schedule expanded to 16 games to go 11-5 and miss the playoffs. How cute.
That chart above is for the NFC East. Nothing we didn’t know going into the Dallas game. Sure, if we would’ve won last night then this is all fucking moot, but we didn’t. So that’s that. Best bet for a Cowboys L is obviously against a decent Colts team. However, Indy already has their Division locked up with no chance for a Bye. I PRAY they come to play. If not, Dallas probably rolls and then has an urinal cake of a game vs. a deceased Washington team to close out the NFC East.
For a Wildcard spot there are three teams a game ahead of the Eagles: Seattle, Green Bay and Detroit. The only way we can leap frog over any of them, because of our shitty tiebreakers, is if any one of them lose out and we win the final two games. Let’s break it down.
Seattle: Ari, @STL. Two tough teams, but the way Seattle is playing there’s a better shot of Blake Lively appearing at my doorstep for a Balcuzzi Bonanza than the Seahawks dropping two in a row. They might roll all the way to another title.
Green Bay: @TB, Det. SNEAKY game vs. Tampa Bay for the Packers who are a much different team on the road than at home. Yeah, they should win, but nobody really expected them to lose at Buffalo or almost fall at Minnesota a couple weeks back, too. Never know…wait, yeah I do. They’ll win be 40.
Detroit: @Chi, @GB. CHICAGO GET YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR ASSES AND CHANNEL HURRICANE DITKA OR SOME SHIT. Seriously. For as bad as the bears look they still have the talent to pull one out. PLEASE. This would’ve been a lot easier Blair Walsh booted that 65-yarder in a dome for Minnesota. If that were against the Eagles that fucker would’ve been good from 80.
All and all it’s a 35% chance at this point. Down. Very down. Like almost in the fetal position, “leakin” and ready for the simultaneous curbstomp/WorldStar shoutout. But not out.
LET’S GO COLTS AND BEARS. Seriously boys…little help? I’ll provide all the Rogaine and cigs you can eat.