Alice In Chains To Remind Everyone They’re Still Alive During Halftime Of The NFC Championship Game

1995 rejoice!

SEATTLELong before Jerry Cantrell became the guitarist and songwriter for Alice in Chains, he was a fan of the Seahawks. No, make that fanatic. That was in 1976, when Cantrell was a 10-year-old living Spanaway and the NFL had just awarded an expansion franchise to Seattle. Cantrell’s worlds will intersect on Sunday, when Alice in Chains performs at halftime of the NFC Championship game between the Seahawks and Green Bay Packers at CenturyLink Field. “It’s an honor to be asked to take part in anything to do with the Seahawks,” Cantrell said this week. “I’m always happy to show up and lend a helping hand, absolutely.”

1995 rejoice! Maybe I should dust off those Quicksilver shirts and Billabong shorts I was never too cool to own. Nevertheless, this is a very interesting selection. I don’t hate Alice In Chains by any stretch, but you can’t deny their not exactly halftime material. The Seahawks couldn’t get anyone else? I guess Pearl Jam was too busy being successful.

Yeah, I’m real sure this grunge master was a big time Seahawks supporter growing up just like everyone else in the area. Fanatic my dick.


By smitty posted January 17th, 2015 at 10:55 AM

Neil deGrasse Tyson Explaining The Meaning Of Life Taking You Into The Weekend

Heavy. Almost makes you want to do something other than drink yourself into a piss filled oblivian. Almost.


Heavy. Almost makes you want to do something other than drink yourself into a piss filled oblivian. Almost.

Let’s have a weekend.

By smitty posted January 16th, 2015 at 5:10 PM

I Have Found My Calling And It’s As A Professional European Darts Master

No lie, that legitimately looks like the most fun thing I've ever seen.

“It’s highway robbery in alley talley!”

The glitz. The glamour. The girls. These guys have it all. No lie, that legitimately looks like the most fun thing I’ve ever seen. Like I grew up yearning to play under the lights in either baseball or football, but why? Everything any grown man would ever want is right here in the Euro Dart League. Plus you can booze your face off and still be considered in your prime well into senility. Sign me the fuck up, NOW.

By smitty posted January 16th, 2015 at 4:40 PM

Friday Afternoon GIF City


This is our brand, spanking new feature on Friday afternoons in 2015. If you’re stuck in front of the computer at this point you deserve the most mindless, enjoyable material to help pass the time. So here it is: 10 or so random GIFS from the Internets to put the mind at ease for a couple minutes. Simple as that. Could be hot, funny, painful, new, old – whatever works. Enjoy.

Read the rest of this entry »

By smitty posted January 16th, 2015 at 4:00 PM

Don’t You Hate When You Go To Rob A Store And Then It Turns Out You Know The Guy Working The Register?

Talk about having the worst luck of all time.

AOLA would-be thief in Colorado aborted his attempt to rob a convenience store, after recognising the man behind the counter. It’s a strange way for a robbery tale to end – but far stranger things have been responsible for foiling this kind of crime. The Jefferson County Sheriff’s blog reported that the robber burst in wearing a balaclava and declared: “I was going to rob this place but I know you.” He then went on to check whether the cashier knew who he was, and when he said no, the thief gave him a thumbs up and left.

Worst luck of all time. I mean I guess if you’re a scumbag thief you’re bound to have run in the same circles as a bunch of gas station attendants so it’s not too out of the ordinary these two would know each other. But still. Out of all the places to rob, out of all the employees that could have possibly been scheduled at that time, my man ended up trying to rob one of his day ones. So unfortunate. One second you think you’re about to make out like a bandit with $107.63 and a few gas station burritos. The next second you realize you were about to blow your boy’s brains out and have to kick rocks all the way back to your piss-stained apartment. I feel for this man. I truly do. This could have been his big break.

P.S. – If you knew the person you were about to rob, wouldn’t that kind of make it easier? You’d just have to be like “Gas stations get robbed all the time. I know you, I won’t hurt you. Just let me take the money, make it look like you put up a good fight, keep your mouth shut and don’t hit the silent alarm until I’m at least a few blocks away”. Maybe even offer to split it 70/30 or something like that. Seems like a no brainer to me.

By jordie posted January 16th, 2015 at 3:15 PM

Joe Paterno’s Vacated Wins Are Restored, Officially All-Time Winningest D-I Coach Again

Raise the statue?


USA TODAYThe NCAA and Pennsylvania officials announced a settlement Friday in the Penn State lawsuit, reaching an agreement that restores 112 football victories to Penn State and directs $60 million – the penalty the school paid in the Jerry Sandusky scandal – to programs serving child sexual abuse.

The settlement is in a case filed by two state officials against the NCAA and Penn State. The settlement replaces the consent decree between the NCAA and Penn State that was agreed to in 2012. It must be approved by all parties, though the NCAA said Friday its Board of Governors had approved the settlement.

The NCAA said that the agreement reinforced its authority to act, while the lead plaintiff said the entire settlement was about repealing the consent decree.

“It wasn’t really settlement talks – they agreed to repeal it,” said Jake Corman, a Pennsylvania state senator who filed the suit along with state treasurer Robert McCord. “The NCAA has surrendered.Today is a victory for due process, which was not afforded in this case.

“This is a total repeal of the consent decree … which should have never have happened in the first place.”

As part of the settlement, the two sides agree:

Penn State agrees to commit a total of $60 million to activities and programs for the prevention of child sexual abuse and the treatment of victims of child sexual abuse.

Penn State acknowledges the NCAA’s legitimate and good faith interest and concern regarding its handling of the Jerry Sandusky matter.

Penn State and the NCAA will enter into a new Athletics Integrity Agreement (with the concurrence of the Big Ten Conference) that includes best practices with which the university is committed to comply and that provides for the university to continue to retain the services of former U.S. Sen. George Mitchell and his firm to support the university’s activities under the Athletics Integrity Agreement and in the areas of compliance, ethics and integrity.

The NCAA restores 112 Penn State football victories dating to 1998, 111 of them under former coach Joe Paterno, who died in January 2012.

Paterno’s victory total again stands at 409, putting him ahead of former Florida State coach Bobby Bowden, who has 377 career wins.

Good for Penn State, I guess. Time to raise the statue? Eh, I don’t know if I’d go that far. This is certainly a great victory Happy Valley’s history and the brainwashed ballticklers that defended Joe Pa to the death. But the man still didn’t do all he could with the information he had regarding Sandusky’s heinous acts. He literally did the minimum required. Paterno had enough evidence and, more importantly, the power and prestige to blow everything sky high. He failed to act, plain and simple. I’m not saying he swept everything under the rug, but he certainly kept his distance from the situation until his hands were forced.

Now I’d like to see what kind of dirt comes out about Governor Tom Corbett regarding his Penn State liaisons. Those hands haven’t been soaking in ivory liquid.

By smitty posted January 16th, 2015 at 2:35 PM

So When Did Hippos Become Scarier Than Hell?

Jesus. I haven't seen that kind of closing speed since Deion in his prime.

Hey childhood advertisers, thanks for the head’s up. Here I am assuming Hippopautamouses are harmless, cute water creatures whose sole fault is having big appetites. I didn’t know these fuckers are one of the deadliest animals on the planet. Here I am bashing sharks when there are man eaters that weigh 3.5 tons and clock in with sub 4.0 40′s out there. Look at this thing go. I haven’t seen that kind of closing speed since Deion in his prime. That bastard is the Primetime of Hippos. So much for planning that African river ride I was never going to take.

By smitty posted January 16th, 2015 at 1:45 PM

Nothing Like A Runaway Tire Crashing Through A Windshield To Remind You Of Your Mortality

Game, set, match: Death.

Hey, unless you go out on your own terms (not recommended), nobody gets to choose how they check out. Judging by the amount of red meat and Reese’s consumed I plan on going down heroically swinging in the Great Battle Of Diabetes in a few decades. I know this guy didn’t die, but decapitation via Goodyear would have to be pretty far down the list. You don’t see it coming and you get to look like a dumb asshat on 1,000 Ways To Die in a decade. Lose/Lose.

Game, set, match: Death. Smashy smashy.

By smitty posted January 16th, 2015 at 12:10 PM
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