Appears Those ‘Three Teams’ McNabb Was Looking At Were Actually Zero Teams, Donovan Signs With NFL Network
Phillymag – Donovan McNabb may be ready to give up any hope of returning to the NFL. Liz Mullen of the SportsBusiness Journal first reported that McNabb is close to agreeing to a network job. A source close to McNabb tells Tim McManus that it looks like he will be doing a couple of shows for the NFL Network. The former Eagles quarterback has been honing his television skills for years, appearing as a guest analyst on ESPN and other networks. McNabb played six games with the Vikings last year, before being replaced by rookie Christian Ponder. It’s difficult to imagine things having gone much worse for the quarterback since the Eagles traded him on Easter Sunday in 2010. He spent one disastrous season with the Redskins and had his work ethic questioned at both stops.
Rich Eisen: Hey, Donovan, great to have you here for the long term, my man.
Donovan McNabb: Well, Rich, I pride myself on staying in optimal conditioning, both mentally and physically.
Eisen: Well, uh, Don that’s great to hear. You ready to give some good thoughts on all these rookie quarterbacks starting Week 1?
McNabb: Absolutely. As one of the greats myself I always find it rewarding to give back to the young guys just coming into the league. Like Christian Ponder, for instance — in Minnesota I purposefully didn’t read the playbook or learn the opponent until the day before gameday. It was my way of giving Chris a chance to play.
Eisen: …Right. Well okay we’re about set to go live in 10 seconds. Nervous at all?
McNabb: Nervous? Please. Not nervous at all really, you know as one of the best to ever do it I’ve been here before and at this point I just have to…
Producer: GOING LIVE IN 3…2…
McNabb: …Rely on my experience, gut instincts, and God-given greatness–
[Donovan McNabb vomits all across the NFL Network newsdesk]
Eisen: Uhhh…we-uhh. Small accident on set. Can we get a quick break to clean up all this regurgitated…is that potato soup?
McNabb: Chunky Sirloin Burger with Country Vegetables.
Eisen: Yeah let’s cut to commercial.
McNabb: I didn’t throw up.
Eisen: Donovan — we saw you.
McNabb: That’s just the media trying to alter the facts to make me look bad. As the most gifted and wonderfully handsome quarterback in NFL history it only makes sense for the media to try to ruin me. No athlete in human or horse sports history has been more scrutinized than I have. My excellence has been under attack from the days of wearing Midnight Green to today’s eight-piece brown velvet suit with cargo pockets.
Eisen: Yes Don we were going to say something about that. Hey, why don’t you just take 10 minutes to clear your head and, uh, brush your teeth.
McNabb: Great idea, Rich. Glad I thought of it. Plus it’ll give me some time to check in on those 12 teams who keep blowing up my phone with offers.
[Mcnabb takes phone that never rang out of pocket #6 and walks off talking loudly.]
McNabb: Hello? New England Patriots? Tom Brady broke his vagina and you need me to win three more Super Bowls? $60 Jillion dollars!? Let me think about it…