Sweet Rihanna pump up house music, brah. Gets a real man ready to bowl. 9 for 14 in a minute? Big fucking whoop. Some Asian kid is going to go 20/20 after only 6 hours since he touched his first bowling ball. Get me gunslinging down the lane and I’d at least go 10/20 and I’d be piss off my ass drunk while doing it. Because seriously, is bowling one of the most overrated things in history to do sober? Boring as whaleshit. Shotgunning beers after strikes and/or gutters should be a staple in the game just as being over 30lbs overweight, unemployment and constantly smelling like discarded Newports that were smoked by the asshole of John Goodman. This is not ‘Nam, this is bowling. There are rules.

Stop chasing pointless records and grow some hair on your nuts and challenge a real man to a match. A real man like Pete Weber. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, I AM!!! (Makes me laugh every. fucking. time.)