MENSHEALTH – It’s hard to conceptualize how something you do today might affect you in 30 or 40 years, David Spiegelhalter, Ph.D., a professor of biostatistics at the University of Cambridge tells MensHealth.com. That’s where Spiegelhalter’s quirk of statistics comes in. He thinks about the effect of specific activities on your longevity in terms of “microlives”–30-minute windows. Break the numbers down and you’ll see just how binge drinking cuts years from your life: After the first one, which increases your lifespan by 30 minutes, every alcoholic drink that you down today brings you 15 minutes closer to death.

Well judging by this chart I’ve got a good 45 minutes left to live. This dude Spiegelhalter, whose name sounds like it should be listed in Urban Dictionary between Bugle Boy and the Paul Bunyan Flapjack, has to have the cakest job in the world. Just throw out numbers that have no way of being checked or certified and he’s given a doctorate title and a well over 6-figure salary from one of most prestigous Universities in the world. Would have an easier time scientifically proving other impossible issues like if life after death exists or how the morbidly obese successfully use a toilet.

Assuming you live to the average age of like 74, what the hell is an extra 3.4 years? Would easily rather live my life now during my 20′s getting blacked out and eating NY Stripped than in the end have a couple more years that consist of solely reminiscing about the time when I could do that stuff before I became legitimately worried about shitting my pants on a daily basis. Every man dies, not every man really lives.