DM – The chances of being involved in a fatal air crash in the U.S are now only one in 45 million, after 2012 saw the fewest commercial airline accidents in over half a century. Last year’s figures were the lowest since 1945, seeing only 23 accidents and 475 fatalities, according to the Aviation Safety Network. Researchers have said flying has become so reliable that a traveler could fly every day for 123,000 years before being involved in a fatal crash. There are 10 million commercial flights a year in America and there has not been a fatal crash for four years. Improvement in safety standards, more reliable planes and engines are the key factors in making flying among the safest mode of travel.

No American crash in the last 4 years with over 10 million flights? Well, fuck. On Friday I’m flying for the first time in 5 years and these statistics come out. Jinx city. But I don’t care what anybody says or what the facts are, I feel 100x safer behind the wheel than in an airplane. Why? I don’t know. How about the fear of dying in a fiery death with no leg room while clutching some fat stranger’s tits next to you for slight comfort because your fully aware of your existence ending. Yeah, the chances are slim. So are the odds of a couple of Anacondas slithering into my bed in the middle of the night and holding me down while Pennywise comes in and starts eating me alive. Chances of it happening are 0 but goddammit if I don’t still fear it. You get in a car crash, you’re probably going to survive. I’ll take my chances in the cruiser with John Madden making love with some Turduckin than up in the air. There’s only so much alcohol, prescription drugs and old free John Candy movies that can distract me from the fear of instant death from 40,000 ft, even though John Candy is the shit. Cool Runnings, Planes Trains and Automobiles and Uncle Buck FTW and then some.

Sucks to be a person who’s fate rests on these numbers. You got almost equal odds of either winning the Powerball or dying in one of the worst ways possible. Tough luck, bro.

PS – Obligatory clip: