TODAYCareful: That e-mail from your newly engaged friend may be just the bearer of bad news. It could be to kindly not request your presence at their wedding. “You’re not invited” alerts are the latest trend for those brides and grooms who feel a need to confirm non-attendance. With some couples looking for more budget-friendly receptions (i.e., smaller guest lists) and social media serving as wedding announcements on steroids, some feel a need to let non-essential pals know they’ll be sitting this one out.

Newsflash: Nobody gives a rat’s dick about your wedding. Literally. Unless your close family or in the bridal party, nobody cares. If you think your wedding is that important you need to let people know that they’re NOT invited, you deserve to be divorced within 6 months and die alone. You’re not fucking Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Nobody gives a fuck if they’re going to miss an hour long ceremony at a church then a half assed party at the holiday in banquet hall. Most people go to weddings for the free booze and chance to take down some tail. If there’s not an open bar don’t even bother inviting me anyways. I’m not spending $200+ on people I don’t really like that much anyways if I can’t get shitfaced, rub up against some tang and dance to Shout like I’m Otis Day and the fucking Knights.