GEORGIA – Charles Wesley Guyton, 47, of Gum Springs Lane in Rydal, was arrested in connection with the Thursday incident at his home, according to Bartow County Sheriff’s Office. Guyton allegedly told officers he and his 76-year-old aunt had been in an argument because she refused to take him to the tanning salon. He said his aunt provoked the alleged attack when she said: “Well if you keep laying in the tanning bed, before long your face is going to fall off.” Guyton is accused of striking his aunt in the face, breaking her lower jaw in two places. “Guyton said he knew what he did was wrong, but [his aunt] should have known by saying what she said would provoke him,” a deputy reported.

The deputy is 100% correct that the old bag should’ve known better before opening her mouth. If there’s one person in the world you need to tread lightly around, it’s Charles Wesley Guyton. Anybody who is a 47 year old dude with a tanning routine and relies on their 76-year-old Aunt for transportation around town is always one small inconvience away from going apeshit. Granted, the old broad probably didn’t deserve a senior citizen face smash, but Charles Guyton probably didn’t deserve to have his tanning bed privileges taken away from him either. How else did she expect him to maintain his glow? Tan outside? Bullshit. You don’t hold down the Kathy Bates look that well by cutting corners.