So just to get this straight, the wanted man from Kentucky took a Greyhound Bus into Nashville and from 3am to noon and:

-broke into a slaughterhouse
-stole a tazer, revolver and shotgun
-destructed the slaughterhouse
-stole a t-shirt
-lit the slaughterhouse on fire
-tazed, pistol whipped and mugged pedestrians
-stole taxi cab
-broke into Law Office
-shits on desk
-smears shit on law degrees on walls
-walks into hotel looking and talking like a woman
-knocks on several doors talking like woman housekeeper
-robs more people
-gets haircut
-crashes stolen cab
-mugged more people, while crying
-calmly hails new cab
-gets off at mall
-climbs to the roof
-submerges himself into cooling vat filled with water with only his nose above the water
-captured

The Legend Of William Todd. As close to real life Grand Theft Auto as anyone is ever gonna get in Nashville. Only thing missing is throwing some Molitav Cocktails at cars and beating hookers up with a 7-iron. Even after all this I’ll throw down money that he’s still probably more normal than 95% of the clan on that Greyhound from Kentucky to Tennessee. You know what happens during a 9-hour layover in a Greyhound bus station in the South? Nobody knows. At minimum it involves a shitload of bath salts. At maximum there’s an exorcism of some redneck’s pet goat that incorporates moonshine, a Confederate circle jerk…and a shitload of bath salts. I’ll tell you what though, I need to know what kind of T-Shirt he stole in the slaughterhouse that was worthy enough to be mentioned in the same crime spree as a muggings, arson and shitting on a random lawyer’s desk. Probably a Ball Don’t Lie. @SmittyBarstool