Just pay me in cyanide. Can’t do rats. Most vile creatures on Earth along with spiders, snakes and Jews*. Yeah, these rats look harmless enough licking away the tears from their owner because she’s sad she ran out of Crisco for the day, but how about we make it realistic and toss in a bunch of Splinters from the NYC subway system ready to gnaw her eyes out then piss in her skull. See how much she loves her precious then.

And Chester Banks, if you want to marry someone 40 years your junior and have what looks to be way less than $4,000 and a couple of flannel shirts to your name, you have to be prepared to settle a bit. For you, it’s a demanding bitch who could use a case of the Bubonic Plague from one of her pets to lose a couple chins. You’re not going to find a winner with anyone who is named Chantal who is neither black nor a stripper. Actually would’ve been shocked if she didn’t sniff rats to get her rocks off. Smells like nachos? You disgust America and humanity, hun.

*Obviously a joke. I think.