YB – New England Patriots wide receiver Wes Welker, who took a moment to sing the praises of Tom Brady’s premier potty facilities. According to Welker (via the Boston Herald’s Inside Track), Tom Brady has just about the best toilet in the world and there is no throne comparable due to all its bells and whistles: “You go over and use his toilet, and you press this button, and it sprays water on you and all this stuff, and I’m like, ‘You gotta be kidding me.’” Wes told the press pack yesterday. “It’s heated, it’s all this stuff, and I’m like, ‘This is crazy.’ There is a bevy of additional information in the story about the insane features some of these toilets have, including, in Inside Track’s words, “Brady’s toilet has heated seats that open and close automatically, jets of heated water, blow drying for your butt and vacuum jets and perfume scents to capture and destroy unwanted odors.” Some toilets apparently even feature mp3 players.

Love him or hate him, you can’t deny the man’s shitting swag. All this baby needs is a TV and someone to pop out and provide lumpkins and you got yourself a shitopia.  I mean i’m absolutely sold on the built in bidet in itself. 80% of my shits warrant a shower directly after.  So much time and energy saved. This thing may be the greatest overindulgence of all-time. Think about it. Most people in the world can’t get clean, heated water let alone access to a blow dryer and perfume. Tom Brady has all of this specifically for his ass and Gisele’s taint. I guess both of them need the bidet to get the Gronk out of them but still.  I’m not a big Brady guy, but this is the exact definition of can’t hate the player hate the game. I need this toilet, bad.