baby

Source: Top Baby Names Of 2013

The Top 10 names for girls for 2013 so far, with asterisks marking those moving up fastest, are:

Imogen
Charlotte
Harper
Eleanor
Amelia*
Evelyn*
Isla
Violet
Penelope
Cora*

The Top 10 names for boys for the first nine months of 2013 are:

Asher
Finn
Declan
Atticus*
James
Oliver
Henry
Emmett*
Owen
Django

And the Top 10 unisex names are:

1. Rowan*
2. Quinn
3. Kai
4. Sawyer
5. Avery
6. Charlie
7. North*
8. Elliot
9. Finley
10. Emerson

Here it is. The ultimate list of how celebrities and douchebag society has ruined future generations forever as asshole parents want their kids to stand out any way possible. Imogen?!?!?! Who or what the fuck is an Imogen?! There is no way in hell I would ever date someone with the name Imogen. Sounds like some hipster feminist with a bush that can be seen from space. Other girls names like Harper and Amelia are straight out of the Taft Administration. Show me a woman named Eleanor that isn’t straight dyke and I’ll show you my unicorn farm. Get all the Eleanor’s in the world together and they’ll clean more carpets in a day than Stanley Steamers has in the past century.

Guys names aren’t that much better. Could you legitimately be friends with someone named Declan? Or Asher? These kids are just born and you’re not even giving them a chance for Christ’s sake. To Kill A Mockingbird coming in hot with Atticus and I can respect that. Oliver, too. But Finn? Or Elliot? Those names don’t go to anyone without a punchable face. Wouldn’t mess with Django, though. Going to say 100% he’ll be packing serious heat one way or another.

I don’t care what my wife (or more realistically, baby mama) says, first born son will be named Quint after Robert Shaw’s character from Jaws. No debate. If it’s a girl she can name her whatever she wants because I won’t care after sending myself to Belize anyways.