First things first, I’ve been a die-hard birds fan all my life. I will remain that way until I die. I will root for this team to win and support them no matter what. They could bring back Rich Kotite, give him a (2nd) lobotomy and stick him out on the sidelines. Casey Matthews and Macho Harris could start every game. Hell, even a pantsless Mike Mamula making all the draft day decisions solely by seeing the future in the shapes he’s making out of his nutsack will not deter me from supporting this team. But holy shit, this makes me furious.

This orginization sucks right now. Why? Because since Jimmy Johnson died, Dawkins left and McNabb ate his weight in Chunky Soup every day for 5 years straight, all we’ve been doing is try to outsmart everyone.

Hey, let’s draft a 26-year-old Canadian firefighter/hockey player in the first round who has only played football for 2 years!

Hey, let’s choose our D-Line coach who has been around since the Whig party was established before our Defensive Coordinator then just make our O-Line coach our D-Coordinator because he must know a lot about defense since he had to game plan against only the D-Line every week!

Hey, let’s give the keys to the franchise to and let ALL of the decisions made and talent be evaluated by some Jewish kid from NY who never played a down of professional football ever and has been pushing numbers his entire life!

It’s a joke. The franchise has been absolutely spitting in our faces since 2009 with the exception of one VERY lucky year in 2010 that ultimately ended up going nowhere anyway. The worst part is, Reid, Lurie, Roseman – they give the fans ZERO benefit of the doubt. Philadelphia is arguably one of the most knowledgeable fan bases in the country. I’m not saying let us make the decisions or tell us everything, but don’t fucking talk down to us like we’re children. For all I care right now Lurie can sell the team and spin his dreidel Howie somewhere else.

Now, why Chip Kelly is an awful hire. It really has little to do with his spread system in my opinion. Will it work? Maybe. Gotta have the right personell, obviously. Oregon is successful because they have the fastest kids in the nation on their team. In the NFL, everyone’s fucking fast. If he can develop some sort of Washington/SF mixed offense to where it’ll play off of his player’s strengths, then great. But I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt with his system because it does work so well at every level he has been at and even current NFL coaches, including Belichick, wax his nuts over it. God only knows what the defense is going to be like.

Ultimately, my biggest fear is he’s playing the Eagles, and us, for the tools he thinks we are. He already cockteased Tampa Bay last year and pretty much, by all accounts, did the same to us this year. The man seems like he has no loyalty. Oregon is going to be under investigation and will be sanctioned probably very soon, so it was a great time for him to leave. I’m not saying he’s not going to try to succeed in the NFL, but I guarentee, 100%, that if and when things start to go bad or even if it’s a little bit of a struggle, Chip will defintiely bounce back to the college ranks, ASAP. We’ve seen it before with these guys: Lou Holtz, Steve Spurrier, Nick Saban and Bobby Petrino, once the going got tough all 4 of these amazing college coaches tucked their dicks between their legs and mangina sashayed back to school. There’s no doubt in my mind that Kelly will do the same. I will bet my first born’s left nut that the head coach of USC going into the 2015 season will be Mr. Chip Kelly. Seems too perfect for him not to be that way.

Do I want him to succeed? Absolutely. But what are the chances? The only college coaches I can think of that made the jump directly to the NFL with no prior experience and have succeeded in recent history have been Jimmy Johnson and Jim Harbaugh. Pete Carroll is succeeding now but remember he coached and failed with New England before. I guess you can say Dick Vermiel eventually found success. You can say Barry Switzer too because he got ass over fist lucky with a great Cowboys team, but he proved to be a fucking idiot. Other than that, am I missing any?

Essentially, I think we’re doomed until the upper management starts to get “it.” What “it” is, I don’t even fucking know anymore. Little help Patriots or Giants fans?

This exactly describes my current feelings towards Jeffrey Lurie and Howie Roseman after hearing the news they sweeped in to get Chip Kelly over the likes of Gus Bradley: