INDIANA – A lawmaker has refused to sign a resolution celebrating the Girl Scouts’ 100th anniversary as the group has become a ‘radical organization’. Republican Representative Bob Morris from Fort Wayne, Indiana claims they promote a ‘homosexual lifestyle’, transgenders and the values of Planned Parenthood. Morris wrote to his fellow House Republicans to explain why he would not be supporting the resolution, which thanked the Girl Scouts for its ‘strong positive influence on the American woman’.

Listen, I don’t really know what chicks in the Girl Scouts do. I assume they get badges and are recognized for cooking and cleaning and doing other things women do so great, as they should. But honestly, I could care less if the Girl Scouts was a radical organization that promoted homosexual lifestyle or whatever. They could challenge KO Barstool for the World Muffdiving Title at next years Lilith fair and I wouldn’t bat an eye. They can train she-males to perform back alley abortions while others watch while earning their 24-hour fingerblasting badges and all is well. Shit they can even be some crazy terrorist organization with the sole intent on the destruction of mankind and I would still let it slide. Why? Because Thin Mints are the absolute truth. Probably average about 10 boxes per cookie season by myself alone. It’s not that they’re even the greatest food or even cookie around, but they’re downright the most addictive. And I’m not going cold turkey for some smug shit who thinks he’s trying to save the American way of life. The second some asshole right wing Congressmen threatens my girls and their cookie empire, that’s when shit gets real. Step off, Bob.