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Man Bitten In Testicle By Poisonous Snake, Best Friend Refused To Suck Poison Out
AUSTRALIA – The reptile sunk its fangs into Jackson Scott’s testicle as he squatted in the dark. But when he begged best mate Roddy Andrews to suck the venom out, his pal REFUSED. Instead he drove Jackson on a 40-minute life-or-death dash to Hobart, Tasmania, where doctors gave him an antidote to the deadly tiger snake poison. Jackson, starting a year’s working holiday at the remote farm, added: “The doctors and nurses were very professional. They didn’t take the mickey out of me being bitten on my wedding tackle.”
No matter how shitty your day is, at least you can take solace in the fact that you don’t have to worry about a) having snake fangs penetrate your nut and b) having to make a decision to put some sweaty sac in your mouth to save a life. Cheers me up. But how much of a dick is the best friend here, huh? Nah bro, I can give you a ride to the doc but that’s about it. I’d rather you die than me be humiliated for 30 seconds. Like I’m as heterosexual as they come, but I’d take a teabagging for the team. As I hope my best friend would do for me, too. I mean this isn’t a dare or a Fear Factor stunt, it’s a life or death situation for the man who just got his balls Mike Tyson’d by a fucking Aussie Tiger Snake. That’s as traumatizing as it gets. Suck it up and suck his balls. Not like you’re giving him a couple of strokes and taking a load to the face. This is as business as business gets. Get in, get out, call it a day.
PS – What I would give to talk like a British/Austrailian person – They didn’t take the mickey out of me being bitten on my wedding tackle. I don’t know what it means but I know it’s gold.
If they sold gay in a can they would call is smitty in a can.
dude was smart. That could have been an elaborate prank to make his friend suck his balls.
You only die like 40% of the time from an untreated Tiger snake bite. Dude knew that, and passed on sucking some teste.
Two things that are misleading about this article: 1. The snake was not poisonous, it was venomous (the guy didn’t eat the snake, he was bitten by it). 2. The chances are very slim that the venom would become compartmentalized into a bolus which could be removed by “sucking out the venom.” This is especially true with the Australian elapids, most of which possess high levels of deadly neurotoxins (that affect the nervous system) as opposed to lots of metalloproteinases (that break down tissues). These neurotoxins are much smaller than the metalloproteinases and can more easily dissipate from the bite site and enter the lymphatic system and/or bloodstream. The best treatment would have been to put ice on the testes and maybe apply a tourniquet of sorts around the scrotum where it connects with the body (but not too tight). This would have slowed the dissipation of venom from the bite site by limiting blood flow to the region until he arrived at the hospital.