NBC-2.com WBBH News for Fort Myers, Cape Coral

FLORIDA – A North Fort Myers resident was tackled by a naked man who had leapt off his roof Monday evening – and the scene only got more bizarre from there. Deputies were called to 17000 block of Old Bayshore Road just before 7 p.m. to deal with 21-year-old Gregory Matthew Bruni of Venice. The resident said he was lying in bed when he and his wife heard what sounded like thunder. The man went outside and saw Bruni running around on the roof. He allegedly jumped off and onto the victim, hitting him in the shoulder and knocking him down. Deputies say Bruni then ran into the house and pulled a large-screen TV off its stand and dumped the contents of a vacuum onto the floor. Bruni was then cornered but threatening to attack so the man’s wife fired three shots from a .38 revolver but missed. The arrest report says Bruni fell to the floor – but then began pleasuring himself. The resident got a shotgun and held Bruni until two deputies arrived.

Ah, Florida. The magical land where Ponce de León once traveled in search for the fountain of youth but instead found a bunch of guys hopped up on bath salts banging manatees and eating people’s faces off. Please never change. Honestly think this would be more surprising of a story at this point if the man DIDN’T empty the vacuum cleaner and start rubbing one out on the floor. And screw leaving without his pants, the dude’s lucky he walked out of there with a head. Anybody who uses the phrase “Hootin n’ hollering” to 911 while in distress owns a couple of shotguns and is just waiting for a moment like this to use them. Situation is a Redneck’s wet dream.

Also, killer reaction interview with the neighbor with braces. A+ analysis. Just a good thing they got him on camera before his dinner consisting of roadkill and recently decapitated Burmese Python. Stuff’s gotta be a bitch to pick out of that metal.

PS – The woman fired 3 shots and missed in an enclosed area with the man cornered? Only women and Harry Dunn can be that inadequate with a firearm.