OREGONThe Ontario Police Department says a couple in their 70s, took home the wrong car after grocery shopping. Police say on December 30, just before 6:00 p.m., an 84-year old woman parked her Oldsmobile Cutlass at the Red Apple grocery store and left the keys inside the car as she went grocery shopping. According to police, while the woman was in the store, a couple in their 70s mistakenly got inside the Cutlass and drove it home. When the owner of the Cutlass came out of the store, she discovered her car was gone, so she called Ontario Police and reported it stolen. Then on January 3rd, employees at the Red Apple called police to report an abandoned LeBaron in their parking lot. When police got on scene, they ran the license plate on the LeBaron and found out it belonged to the couple who had driven the Cutlass home. When police called the couple to ask why their car was at the Red Apple, they said it was not theirs and that their car was in their driveway. However, when the police arrived at the couple’s home, they realized what had happened, the couple took the Cutlass by mistake.

Fucking old people. Just allowed to shit their own pants, be somehow racist yet cute and steal cars like it’s Grand Theft Auto – Del Boca Vista. This old couple leaves home for the first time in 3 weeks to visit local general store to attempt to return fruit, shit hits the fan with Grandpa’s dementia, and they drive off in the nearest car that just happened to have the keys left in the ignition by another barely-living senile. Almost Shakespearean. And I’ll bet my first born’s left nut that the old wife knew it wasn’t their car. Guaranteed. Old wives are always right. Blanch either: a) Didn’t say shit in fear of being yelled at for being wrong even though she’s right, or b) Spoke up, was promptly told by her husband to shut her mouth for being wrong, even though he realized she was right but can never, ever give her the benefit of the doubt. Elderly married men are by far the most stubborn people in the universe. After being through a war, working the same job for 50+ years and personally witnessing the decay of a vagina through the decades, stubbornness is all they have left. Regardless, A+ choices of geezer mobiles by these seniors. Why limit yourself to Hoverrounds and Rascals when you have your own nostalgic death machine and can cause mayhem while driving 24mph on the Interstate? Can’t even imagine how much hospice dick these old bags are swinging in their Oldsmobiles and LeBarons. Unlimited swing if the LeBaron was the one owned by Jon Voight. Deals on wheels.