VIRGINIAA group of senior citizens descended on a Virginia shopping mall and surprised shoppers with an impromptu synchronised dance. The 25 pensioners had been rehearsing for months for the flash mob, which attracted a large crowd at Dulles Town Center on Friday. The group, made up of residents from retirement community Ashby Ponds in Ashburn, Virginia, ranged in age from 66 to 80. Carl Hemmer, who was the oldest performer, did not even know what a flash mob was until he began rehearsing once a week for the choreographed dance to Outasight’s ‘Tonight is the Night’. Jessica McKay, the public affairs manager of the retirement community, said that none of Friday’s participants had been involved in a flash mob before. Phyllis Lynne, 71, who took part, said she was pleased the performance went ahead without glitches. ‘We were all surprised that we all got out and nobody fell down and we had a good time,’ she told WAMU.

So the Internet is finger blasting itself over this elderly flash mob video that went up over weekend. Let’s get one thing straight here, I’m not hating on these geezers at all. They’re in a retirement home counting down the days till death just doing what they’re told. Anything to keep their minds off of shitting their pants and killing time in between Matlock reruns is good for them. And quite honestly whatever keeps them out of cars and their racist views in house is good for society.

But this execution is horseshit and I blame the coach. Things that should be granted a success because “we all got out and nobody fell down” should be limited to escaping a fire and war. Not senior citizens being happy they didn’t die or break any bones doing a half-assed Electric Slide in the mall. The 20-year-old black haired bitch in the middle needs to relax trying to steal the show from the walking dead. Like slow down, toots. You’re pace is making the bigger ones an insulin shot away from losing a foot. Were flash mobs ever cool? And Is this even considered a flash mob? Was under the impression that it’s supposed to be a spontaneous event of dance that no one expects. Could see this coming from 5 miles away. The only thing that’s gonna be flashed in this mob is when old man Carl Hemmer’s suspenders give out and some kids get a sneak peak of some 19th century nutsack.

PS – My man here easily stole the show.

Sir Pimpquest. Going rogue with the moves and sporting the cell phone on the belt for quick access to multiple saggy titty digits. Definitely getting into some Depends later.