TEXAS – A petition for Texas to secede from the union, submitted to the White House, reached the number of signatures needed to draw comment from the Obama administration today. The petition appeared on a section of the White House website called “We the People” that invites users with a U.S. zip code to submit or sign petitions about policy changes they would like to see. A petition must reach 25,000 signatures within 30 days for the administration to comment on it. The petition to “Peacefully grant the State of Texas to withdraw from the United States of America and create its own NEW government,” was submitted on Friday of last week. Just three days later, it zoomed past the 25,000 mark at 3:22 p.m. today and kept going.
I’m not one of those “Love it or leave it” or “If ___ wins I’m moving to Canada” assholes and believe everyone has the right to at least question the authority that reigns over them, but you know what? Go right the fuck ahead, Texas. Let’s see how long you last by yourself. Over/under would be 6 months. Pretty sure a country can’t survive too well if its economy is based solely on guns, football and Jesus. Having this guy and Jerry Jones’ already walking corpse duke it out for Lord of the Land might not be the best move, either. Plus not paying any taxes will be nice until 20 million Mexicans invade over the federally protected border and force everyone to mow their own lawns and make all the cowboys admit they aren’t just keeping it on the down-low for fun. The fact of the matter is if you’re going to actually sign a petition to secede from the country, America should hold you to it and see how well you survive. Good fucking luck. And you can take Florida with you while you’re at it, too.