Normies always feel some kind of way when we celebrities ask “Do you know who I am?” or namedrop ourselves to get out of a tough situation. Don’t they understand how difficult everyday life can be for famous people like Reese Witherspoon and I? Your days and nights become nothing more than an ever-accelerating carousel of insane fans and shameless paparazzi. Everybody begging to get a piece of the action pulling you in every which direction. Then when someone like us finally gets a night off to relax and have a few drinks, some buzzkill jackass like Officer Southerndrawl here wants to stick it to you and your spouse because of some stupid “obey his orders” law he probably just made up. It’s unfair and unjust treatment of America’s fame elite and it needs to stop.

Hopefully President Beyoncé can fix this mess in 2016.