ABC - A scientist’s arm almost became a snack for an angry alligator caught roaming along a North Carolina highway. The gator was resting in a ditch when the scientist threw a towel on its head. The scientist then stepped inside of the ditch, placing one leg on each side of the reptile’s body. As he bent down to move the alligator, it bit his arm as he cooly backed away from a situation that could have been far worse.

A scientist? Didn’t know Jackass 3D was credible enough to be a field of study. Paul Hogan here doesn’t give two shits about anything he’s learned about at University. He’s seen enough Crocodile Hunter to get the gist for an established Scientific Method:

Observation: There’s a 8ft, 250lb alligator on the side of the road.  I must move it by myself.  With my bare hands.

Hypothesis: If I blind the fucker with my Steve Irwin memorial jizz rag, then go on top of it and pick it up with the power of old man strength, the gator should be subdued.

Prediction: Should be able to easily toss the reptile out of harms way or wrestle it to the death. Either way I’m home in an hour in time for my nightly scotch and Murder She Wrote VHS.

Experimentation: Fuck.

Conclusion: Well, at least I wore my Depends and stainless dockers.

The one thing I don’t get here is what was exactly Pop’s end game once he grabbed the alligator?  Pick it up and move it to safety or just chill there till help arrives?  Bad show old man.