DM – A Jewish charity founder who claimed he travelled the world as a ‘Jewish Indiana Jones’ to rescue holy scrolls has admitted he was a $1 million fraudster. Menachem Youlus told the U.S. District Court in Manhattan, New York he lied about making risky trips to obtain vintage Torah scrolls in Europe and Israel for six years. Youlus, 50, who owns the Jewish Bookstore in Wheaton, Maryland, allegedly boasted that he had been ‘beaten up, thrown in jail, and gone $175,000 into debt, to bring these holy scrolls out of less-than-friendly places, back to safety and a new life.’ Youlus apparently dubbed himself ‘the Jewish Indiana Jones’ at a Torah dedication in 2004.

This guy is to Judiasm as Manzo was to blogging. Just giving everyone involved a bad rap. I don’t give a flying fuck if you’re Jewish, white, black, Christian, ginger, or Muslim – you better have some brass balls and have done something credible when you compare yourself to Indiana Jones. You can’t be some bookstore nerd who has has a hard-on for history and steal peoples donations to a charity. Bad show overall. And dammit if you claim to be the Jewish version of Indiana Jones you better go all out and wear some sort of fedora looking Yam-aka and have a whip that’s kosher. This isn’t amateur hour pal.

And I don’t mean to be racist or anything by saying a Jewish person can’t believably be Indiana Jones…but seriously where is this guy getting off by saying a Jewish person can believably be Indiana Jones? Indy has to be in shape and athletic as shit. You know how many Jew athletes I can name off the top of my head? 5. That’s from a good 15 min of serious thinking without using the internet. Kevin Youkilis, Shawn Green, Koufax, Rod Carew (who converted, thank you Hanakuah song) and Ryan Braun. All who play arguably the least athletic sport and one of which sauced his dick off. Youkilis doesn’t look like he can run 100m without sucking serious wind and passing out. Stick with what you’re sterotypically good at: comedy, complaining, and money.