Mo and our sales guy Louis were at the Wells Fargo Center today with press passes probably doing nothing but getting hammered off their asses and Mo jerking off to photoshopped pictures of Andrew Bynum in a Sixers uniform, so we’ll probably get more of a recap on this later, but the “New England Bear” won the 21st annual Wing Bowl. Dude ate something like 287 wings in a half hour and won blah blah blah. Fuck it. Stay out of our city you colossal cunts. Haven’t you won enough? Every single one of your franchises have won a title in the last 10 years. Keep it to yourselves. No need to come and crash our pseudo Super Bowl – which was specifically created 21 years ago to have a local, competitive outlet because we knew the Eagles had no shot of making the big game every year. Yeah, it’s a loser bowl. But it’s OUR loser bowl. Stay out of it and let us have it to ourselves. Lucky El Wingador is in prison now for dealing coke or else he would’ve eaten and shit out not only wings but this pretty boy, too.
At least Chip Kelly appeared on stage and the crowd of 20,000 sang “Fly, Eagles, Fly.” It was described as “heartwarming” and an “inspirational moment.” Definitely a better experience to have than being in the fucking Super Bowl this weekend.
PS – Killer victory flex, brah. Definitely doesn’t make you seem like the tool of the century.