In a perfect America, when this kid returns the minivan to his Grandfather without its sliding door, Pop-Pop’s going to be half drunk with rage and the other half just drunk and beat the living piss out of everyone. Just a straight old man whip fest with a folded up belt. But, nope. Not in today’s PC coddle the children world. Guaranteed the biggest punishment these spoiled suburban hipdicks get is they have their Ipad’s taken away from them so they can’t stream Guy Code or read BroBible while taking a dump for the afternoon.

Fuck these punks. If you’re going to pull the drive by moon, that’s fine, but do it with some goddamn class. Act like you’ve been there before. Saying “Oh your life fucking sucks” to the drive-thru guy is by far the most douchebaggish thing you can possibly say to anyone. You want to know why his life fucking sucks? It’s because he makes minimum wage and has to deal with assholes degrading you your entire existance. It boggles my mind how there aren’t more fast food worker mass murders in the world. These people must show unbelievable discipline because if I was subjected everyday to dealing with the obese, people who think “coning” is genius and cleaning up piles shit in the free public bathroom that would put the Rhinoceros from Jurassic Park to shame, there’s not a chance in hell I’m not going Aurora on everyone.

PS – There is nobody who I have ever wanted to kick in the throat more than when the kids says, “He’s not really getting a Big-Mac.” No fucking shit Sherlock. Thanks for clearing that up. Second would be the dickless pubescent that says “I’m out past curview.” Both minimally deserve the treatment William Wallace received at the end of Braveheart.

UPDATE: Triceratops, not Rhinoceros. I am ashamed of myself for that one. Take a fucking lap, Smitty.