Imagine for a moment that your job is to select a team of five athletes to compete in a multi-sport tournament. The team could be professionals from any of the major leagues (or minor, I suppose) and would be expected to compete against other teams in basketball, ice hockey, 5-on-5 flag football, 5-on-5 soccer, and a batting competition. Who’s your five?

For me, it’s Kobe Bryant, Steve Nash, Mike Trout, Wes Welker, & Claude Giroux.

Kobe Bryant

One of the best basketball players on the planet who also happened to spend a large amount of his childhood in Italy speaking romantic languages and learning gay sports. He has proven he can play soccer, which makes him useful in multiple sports. Not sure if he can skate or hit, but if he’s even the slightest bit mediocre at football he’s worth having on the team.

Steve Nash

Professional basketball player, known excellent soccer player, plus he’s Canadian so you know he can play hockey. Might get lucky and find out Steve is a CFL fan. Lots of upside. Kinda creaky in his old age, but a few lines in his face and wonks in his eye won’t stop the suit salesman from being a key contributor.

Mike Trout

The team needs a hitter. Simple as that. I don’t know if any of these other guys can do it on the diamond and Trouty is a hometown kid so I know he has played ball and street hockey in his life. Will probably hurt the team on the soccer pitch, but who cares? Mike Trout is the best baseball player on the planet.

Wes Welker

Wes…is white. I needed a football player and really can’t trust many black players to be decent enough skaters to hold their own on the ice in the hockey portion. This isn’t about being racially sensitive — this is about winning. And I pick my hypothetical superteams with the same seriousness and fervor I approach any sports gambling. Political correctness be damned. With a white guy my odds are better he can skate, period. I’ll take my chances with him in the other sports, but Welker in the flat on repeat could win this team the football game.

Claude Giroux

At first this was going to be Leonel Messi, but then I remembered that soccer is just kicking a ball around and both Nash and Kobe can do it well. G will keep this team in the hockey game, and has proven that he has a solid mid-range jumper as well. Plus — he’s foreign. All foreign people have played organized soccer at some point.

If we’re having a tournament where every team plays every sport (basketball, soccer, ice hockey, baseball, football) — this is the championship team.