The moment I began discussing doing this blog Big Cat jumped all in my Gchat telling me how I need to run the list by him because he’s the self-proclaimed wrestling authority at Barstool. Personally I was offended. How does he know I’M not the authority on the squared circle around here? Then I found out he still watches it. So, yeah, I asked for his input.

But I guarantee I know just as much about the insider-ish behind the scenes stuff as he does — I was a huge wrestling dork as a kid. Mentioned it a few times before, but I was the type of kid who watched WCW and WWF religiously, and got into ECW at the latter stages of its best years before it folded and melted into WWF like everything else. Stood on chairs watching a bloody Sabu fake beat the shit out of Franchise Shane Douglas at small community centers with like 300 other people. Did the online wrestling federations and shit. It was disgusting. But now I’m back as an adult to use my knowledge of wrestling and music to bring you the DEFINITIVE Top 20 Wrestling Entrance Themes of All-Time.

Remember — these are based purely on the themes and the crowd’s reaction to the theme being played. There are great wrestlers who aren’t on the list and shitty ones that are — it’s all about the theme. My own biases will show throughout (I feel instrumentals are usually the best), but that’s only because my biases are 100% correct. LIST!

20. Raven

One of the all-time great “fuck it” attitudes in character history. Not just wrestling history. Raven was the ultimate grunge hero and the song fit that attitude perfectly. Slow walk to the ring, slump in the corner, do all mic work while sitting down. Perfect theme.

19. Razor Ramon

Screeching car was one of my first memories of a theme having a definitive sound to mark a wrestler’s entrance. It’s a shame that Razor in real life is a drug addict alcoholic deadbeat father, but Razor Ramon was the MFS (motherfucking shit). Doesn’t even matter if he wasn’t Latino in real life. Toothpick, grease hair, double thumbs stomp-stomp-stomp arms out with the fireworks.

18. New Age Outlaws

These guys were the worst tag team ever who stumbled into a great gimmick. Road Dog looked like that loser member of N’Sync who was like 43 with the white guy dreadlocks. Yeah — the dude who didn’t get invited to Timberlake’s wedding. That guy sucked. Road Dog looked like that guy. But fortunately for him he started saying “OH YOU DIDN’T KNOW?” on his way to the ring and made a career for himself.

17. John Cena: “The Time Is Now”

I had already stopped watching wrestling by the time Cena really blew up, but still managed to hear this intro song a lot somehow. Corny rap songs normally don’t make great entrance themes, but the beat is hard and the crowd reaction was bonkers.

16. Mr. McMahon: “No Chance in Hell”

The ultimate boss theme. I know Pres probably plays this every morning when he walks into the office. Vince knew what he was doing with this song and his character. Which might be him in real life — you don’t become a billionaire by being nice to people.

15. Rob Van Dam

One of the most memorable ECW themes ever. Ultimate crowd singalong theme. Plus RVD was (is?) one of the most athletically gifted wrestlers ever. Whenever you’d see RVD wrestle live you always knew you’d get your money’s worth. This song helped him become a fan favorite.

14. CM Punk

This was all Big Cat. All I know about CM Punk is that he does a great job of pissing people off, which in wrestling is a straight moneymaker. Big Cat said he actually prefers Punk’s old theme better, but since this is the one the people love I gotta side with the people.

13. Million Dollar Man

Still can’t watch this video without laughing. This is what the old WWF was all about: good vs. evil. Remember back in the 80′s and 90′s when rich people were the bad guys all the time? Like in movies and TV and wrestling? I swear all the rich people of the world got together and bought better PR cause nobody makes rich people the default bad guys anymore. You win this time, One Percent.

12. Bret “The Hitman” Hart

Okay so this is kind of a homer pick since Bret Hart is one of my favorite wrestlers ever, but I’ll stand by it being an all-time theme. That initial guitar chug is unforgettable. Plus he’d give some little kid his sweaty ridiculous one-piece pink sunglasses with the strap in the back on his way out. Can’t be that kind of entrance generosity. Best there is, the best their was, and the best their ever will be.

11. Sandman

This WAS ECW. Sandman stood for everything Extreme Championship Wrestling was about, and was just another drunk slob looking to fight like the thousands of dudes in South Philly who would show up to watch this violence live. Sandman literally would not get into the ring until he got to chug a beer in the crowd while this blasted over the speakers. Classic moments.

10. D-Generation X

How many parents in the late 90′s – early 2000′s do you think were the victim of a “SUCK IT” from their kids? Millions, I bet. As an adult the idea of X’ing my crotch and telling people to suck it seems so extreme, but not that long ago the shit was hilarious. Kids are bad, yo.

9. New Jack

My favorite ECW theme ever. New Jack wasn’t even a wrestler, he was just a dude who ran around with weapons and bled everywhere. This is the only theme music I can remember that was played in its entirety every time, regardless of whether the match had started or not. There were people who never listen to rap cheering and nodding their heads to this song as a deranged bald guy beat people with canes and shit. That first 2 seconds was like a bomb hitting an arena.

8. Ric Flair

Instrumentals, man. Ric LIVED this theme. Made it work even if it is a song we already knew. And unlike Macho Man’s Pomp & Circumstance, this was actually fun to listen to. Nature Boy still getting after it today. Gotta love the epic nature of the Nature Boy’s theme.

7. The Undertaker

Undertaker has actually had a few good themes, but this is by far my favorite one. The bell tolling, the slow walk from the back. This was in his pre-chopper days. Back when the Undertaker was actually supposed to be a dead person. The dude really faced another version himself at Summerslam one year. THAT’S how dead he was.

6. The Rock

Maybe the most charismatic wrestler of all-time. Don’t think he was? IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK. That was just one of like 70 different catch phrases this man had. Starting off his entrance music with something the entire crowd could yell in unison was a stroke of genius.

5. New World Order

I secretly play this theme song whenever I’m in the process of fucking somebody over. For some reason it instantly makes evil stuff feel okay. This is THE theme of acceptable evil. LeBron’s going to Miami? Better make a bunch of videos of him with the nWo theme in the background. I loved the black & white nWo back in the day. I kinda feel like at my core I’m a heel so this theme will forever be the shit.

4. Shawn Michaels

True story: this might be the gayest song that all straight guys love. I know pretty much every word and have sung it on multiple occasions. “Hands off the merchandise” [guitar solo]. This is so awful it’s brilliant. Which is pretty much the reason HBK never changed his music.

3. Stone Cold Steve Austin

So if you watched wrestling and are in your 20s you probably loved this theme. I hated Stone Cold’s shtick but still couldn’t fight the goosebumps this theme would give me when it came on out of nowhere. Steve Austin would come running out and stun a bunch of people and drink beers and shit. It was the same terrible thing every week. But the theme wasn’t.

2. Hulk Hogan: “Real American”

If you don’t get pumped up by this theme you might as well join the Russians or Al Qaeda right now because any Real American loves this shit. Fight for what’s right. Fight for the rights of EVERY man. I feel strong about right and wrong. This song is wholesome and badass at the same time. You do what’s right, and if you see someone not doing what’s right, you beat the piss out of them. Hulk Hogan forever. (Hollywood Hogan’s Jimi Hendrix – Voodoo Child was also great and probably could have made this list).

1. Mr. Perfect

Save it — I don’t care. This is the best entrance theme in the history of wrestling. A sincere love of this theme may be one of the biggest things Pres and I have in common. It’s perfection. No words necessary. So grand and royal and gave you the feeling that Mr. Perfect was, in fact, more sophisticated and talented than whoever he was facing. Plus he’d perfectly slap the gum out of his hand and toss a towel and the lame kids in the crowd. What a fantastic gimmick. Mr. Perfect’s theme is THE wrestling theme. Case closed.

@tallmaurice @PhillyBarstool