5. John Rocker:
4. Jose Canseco:
Vampires: I actually died over night and came back to life now I am a vampire and you are my apprentice.
Free Legal Assistance: I need an attorney pro bono my landlord evicted me and would not let me take my chandeleers with me ,need your help to get them back
Whatever The Fuck Sense This Makes: A broken heart is knd of like a broken bat you can use it again but it will never be the same
Tough Talk (again, on Twitter, mind you): Anyone get ahold of fp santangelo he threatened me and my girl in the playboy mansion and security kicked him out let’s get a boxing match
“Haters”: 310 862 6309 haters can call me now and confront me ,where are the haters so far its been nice people,are you haters scared, and
Squatting: I am sleeping in someones garage but its pretty good
Oh, and you can fight Canseco anytime, anywhere. Seriously. Tweet him and he’ll set it up.
3. Delonte West:
2. Mike Tyson:
Tyson now? A comic genius who has capitalized on his image. Tyson up until 5 years ago? The scariest loony motherfucker in the bin. The man raped women, bit another man’s ear off during a fight and has been obsesses with pigeons since his youth. He has a tattoo on his face for Christ’s sake. He said he will eat Lennox Lewis children in an interview. He let Brad Pitt fuck his ex-wife while he was still fucking her.
Plus the great quote, “He called me a rapist and a recluse…I’m not a recluse” makes Iron Mike self aware that he’s off the rocker. Are you really crazy if you admit and know you’re batshit? Yes. Maybe even more so.
1. The Ultimate Warrior:
Some investigating by Smitty (kiss my dick, BigCat) has found what this man of all men is up to now since he’s retired from the WWF, and it futher proves his batshittidy. He has legally changed his name from James Brian Helwig, to ‘The Ultimate Warrior,’ to the more catchy and easy for him to remember/spell, ‘Warrior.’ The Warrior has since been touring the country as a political speaker attempting to spread his ultra-conservative views. He still is the epitome batshit crazy. Here are the highlights of the Warrior speaking to students at the University of Connecticut. If you are too busy (lazy) to watch all 6 min, Smitty’s highlights of the highlights are below the clip:
“Who raised you? Who changed your shitty diapers? Who fed you and stuck a nipple in your mouth?”
When getting dominated in an arguement, just yell out “What are you smoking?”
“You’re entitled to your wrong opinion about things.”
“What country do you live in? What are you doing here? Somebody else please.”
“Don’t have an orgasm on me honey.”
“Queers are as legitimate as homosexuals? Queering doesn’t make the world work”
“I have a guy here shooting the biography of my life, lets get him to videotape of you (a homosexual in the audience) hooking up and see if it (produces) a baby.”
“I don’t care if you kiss another man, you can do it right here.”
“I just told you, queering doesn’t make the world work.” (needed to be repeated because the first time I’m pretty sure people couldn’t believe their fucking ears)
“15 years from now don’t let the tin cup I hit hit you in the mouth and knock your teeth out.”
to the homosexual, “I can’t hear you, you’re gonna have to take that object out of your mouth.”
At least The Ultimate Warrior’s got one good going for him, he speaks eloquently from the heart about the dangers of kids smoking cigarettes:
Jerry Jones – Not an athlete, and more senile than actual crazy, but any billionaire who wants him some Glory Hole while believing Tony Romo and Jason Garrett are actually competent at their jobs is clearly off the charts.
Manti T’eo – For obvious reasons. Plus nobody gets arm tattoos like that anymore unless their either ready to kill a man with his bare hands or is regularly keeping it on the down low, fist first.
Jason Babin – Not sure if he’s crazy or just an ignorant asshole. Most likely both. Same goes for the arm tats, brah, but his is more likely the latter from the previous explanation.
Nick Saban/Bill Belichick – Not on the list because they’re coaches, but seriously the darkest of dark sociopaths in sports today. Obsessed about their jobs and winning so much that they can’t even enjoy it when they succeed. These are the type of Buffalo Bill cats who meticulously plan out serial killings and have a dungeon filled of corpses for an agenda that only makes sense to them. 100% both of these men have told a woman to put the lotion in the basket at least once in their professional lives.
Lenny Dykstra – Again, not so much as batshit as he is just a raging dick. But have to at least tip the cap to Nails for his recent behavior that includes defrauding possibly everyone he’s ever met, including his own mother, and caps if off with trying to interview a housekeeper in the nude. The saga of The Dude is a batshit one indeed.