No doubt about it, Manti T’eo is either off the charts batshit or hidden deep in the closet. There’s no other explanations to have to make up a fake dead girlfriend and play it off like a sociopathic asshat to the entire nation for months. And you want to know what, this kind of makes me want him on my team in the NFL. I want my inside linebacker to have a little crazy in him. You don’t fuck with someone who can bench 500 pounds and is still so self consious about his life he conjures up a fake dead girlfriend just to say he’s banged before. That a man who literally has nothing to lose. T’eo is obviously batshit, but he’s hardly the most insane of the sports personalities we’ve come accross in recent years with a screw or twelve loose. Here are the Top 5 Most Batshit Crazy Athletes In The Modern Era:

5. John Rocker:

Rednecks are always going to be riding shotgun in the crazy mobile (hard to be driving when you’re required to be holding your beer, gun and 3rd wife’s 5th daughter at all times), and John Rocker is no different. Always saying what’s on his mind no matter if there’s no mind to think of it to begin with. Whether it was making fun of queers with AIDS on the NYC subway system while he was still playing or recently stating the holocaust wouldn’t have happened if the German Jews had the right to bare arms while defending his notion with fake quotes by Ben Franklin, Rocker has little to no sense of reality. That aspect is even heightened greater as he still thinks he can pitch. Even crazier if he thinks he can do it without the help of 40-liters of horse testosterone he used to inject into his nuts daily.

4. Jose Canseco:

Jose is most likely a genius, but hell even Einstein was called batshit a few times in his life. But even though Canseco has capitalized on his fame and image of being a sauced dick, all you need to do is follow his Twitter account for a couple days to legally classify him as insane. Of his Tweets have included thoughts pertaining to:

Vampires: I actually died over night and came back to life now I am a vampire and you are my apprentice.

Free Legal Assistance: I need an attorney pro bono my landlord evicted me and would not let me take my chandeleers with me ,need your help to get them back

Whatever The Fuck Sense This Makes: A broken heart is knd of like a broken bat you can use it again but it will never be the same

Tough Talk (again, on Twitter, mind you): Anyone get ahold of fp santangelo he threatened me and my girl in the playboy mansion and security kicked him out let’s get a boxing match

“Haters”: 310 862 6309 haters can call me now and confront me ,where are the haters so far its been nice people,are you haters scared, and

Squatting: I am sleeping in someones garage but its pretty good

Oh, and you can fight Canseco anytime, anywhere. Seriously. Tweet him and he’ll set it up.

3. Delonte West:

Granted, West is the only person on our list who’s actually been diagnosed as “crazy” (bipolar’s a bitch), but his accolades have made him too good to ignore. Just banging his teammate superstar’s mother without worries of repercussion and carrying around illegal firearms in a guitar case like he’s motherfucking Antonio Banderas in Desperado. Plus your also certifiably nuts if you’ve made over a million dollars in your lifetime and still refuse to take care of the birthmark/herpes scars that somehow draw the attention away from your neck tats.

2. Mike Tyson:

Tyson now? A comic genius who has capitalized on his image. Tyson up until 5 years ago? The scariest loony motherfucker in the bin. The man raped women, bit another man’s ear off during a fight and has been obsesses with pigeons since his youth. He has a tattoo on his face for Christ’s sake. He said he will eat Lennox Lewis children in an interview. He let Brad Pitt fuck his ex-wife while he was still fucking her.

Plus the great quote, “He called me a rapist and a recluse…I’m not a recluse” makes Iron Mike self aware that he’s off the rocker. Are you really crazy if you admit and know you’re batshit? Yes. Maybe even more so.

1. The Ultimate Warrior:

There’s crazy. Then there’s batshit crazy. Then there’s out of this world, sauced pigged, I’ll fuck your mother in another galaxy, literally, kind of insane. All professional wrestlers are nuts, but The Ultimate Warrior takes those nuts, lights them on fire then fists them into the nearest sleeping child.

Some investigating by Smitty (kiss my dick, BigCat) has found what this man of all men is up to now since he’s retired from the WWF, and it futher proves his batshittidy. He has legally changed his name from James Brian Helwig, to ‘The Ultimate Warrior,’ to the more catchy and easy for him to remember/spell, ‘Warrior.’ The Warrior has since been touring the country as a political speaker attempting to spread his ultra-conservative views. He still is the epitome batshit crazy. Here are the highlights of the Warrior speaking to students at the University of Connecticut. If you are too busy (lazy) to watch all 6 min, Smitty’s highlights of the highlights are below the clip:

Things individuals who want legitimate respect from their peers and others shouldn’t say. At all. In any situation. Let alone in public to actual people:

“Who raised you? Who changed your shitty diapers? Who fed you and stuck a nipple in your mouth?”

When getting dominated in an arguement, just yell out “What are you smoking?”

“You’re entitled to your wrong opinion about things.”

“What country do you live in? What are you doing here? Somebody else please.”

“Don’t have an orgasm on me honey.”

“Queers are as legitimate as homosexuals? Queering doesn’t make the world work”

“I have a guy here shooting the biography of my life, lets get him to videotape of you (a homosexual in the audience) hooking up and see if it (produces) a baby.”

“I don’t care if you kiss another man, you can do it right here.”

“I just told you, queering doesn’t make the world work.” (needed to be repeated because the first time I’m pretty sure people couldn’t believe their fucking ears)

“15 years from now don’t let the tin cup I hit hit you in the mouth and knock your teeth out.”
to the homosexual, “I can’t hear you, you’re gonna have to take that object out of your mouth.”

At least The Ultimate Warrior’s got one good going for him, he speaks eloquently from the heart about the dangers of kids smoking cigarettes:

Honorable Mentions:

Jerry Jones – Not an athlete, and more senile than actual crazy, but any billionaire who wants him some Glory Hole while believing Tony Romo and Jason Garrett are actually competent at their jobs is clearly off the charts.

Manti T’eo – For obvious reasons. Plus nobody gets arm tattoos like that anymore unless their either ready to kill a man with his bare hands or is regularly keeping it on the down low, fist first.

Jason Babin – Not sure if he’s crazy or just an ignorant asshole. Most likely both. Same goes for the arm tats, brah, but his is more likely the latter from the previous explanation.

Nick Saban/Bill Belichick – Not on the list because they’re coaches, but seriously the darkest of dark sociopaths in sports today. Obsessed about their jobs and winning so much that they can’t even enjoy it when they succeed. These are the type of Buffalo Bill cats who meticulously plan out serial killings and have a dungeon filled of corpses for an agenda that only makes sense to them. 100% both of these men have told a woman to put the lotion in the basket at least once in their professional lives.

Lenny Dykstra – Again, not so much as batshit as he is just a raging dick. But have to at least tip the cap to Nails for his recent behavior that includes defrauding possibly everyone he’s ever met, including his own mother, and caps if off with trying to interview a housekeeper in the nude. The saga of The Dude is a batshit one indeed.