HOLLYWOODThe company has signed a deal with Emmett/Furla, a prolific production banner run by co-founders Randall Emmett and George Furla, to finance and co-produce three movies in the next two years. The titles include Monopoly, the real estate board game; Action Man, a British version of Hasbro’s toy soldier line, G.I. Joe; and — we’re not kidding — Hungry Hungry Hippos, a game in which players try to collect marbles by “eating” them via their mouth-opening hippos.

I really have no words. There is seriously nothing original coming out of Hollywood anymore. The last, big Hollywood picture that was truly an original idea was Inception. And really that’s all that deserves comment on this subject because Hungry Hungry Hippos was by far the most useless and overrated game as a child. Not even close. Just give me a Sega Genesis or a screaming nerf football and call it a day.

The Top 5 Games I Would Dominate And Leave You Crying To Your Mother’s Tits As A Kid, I would seriously put money down against any Stoolie that wants to challenge me at any of these:

5) Monopoly – The absolute king of locking down the corner featuring St. James Place through Illinois Ave. Yeah I’ll trade you Park Place and Boardwalk for a monopoly of 3 of those properties all day every day.

4) Stratego – Just when you think you’ve got my flag cornered, here comes a bomb and a 1 to flank your tits.

3) Mario Kart 64: Hang to the back, get the boxes needed, sling dick to victory. And don’t even step into my battle game. I’ll be on top of block fort heat seek shelling your confused ass till hell freezes over.

2) Risk – Napoleon would bow down to my taint after just watching one hour of my military strategics.

1) Rummy 500 – Don’t think I’ve ever lost. Ever.