WASH – On a flight from Siberia to Armenia, a 31-year-old passenger who had claimed to be six-and-a-half months pregnant at check-in gave birth two hours before landing. The heroic flight crew worked to deliver the baby. Flight attendant Asmik Gevondyan noticed the passenger going into labor and led the effort, and the baby will be named Asmik in her honor.

Guaranteed 99% of the passengers in coach would not have minded if the plane did a nosedive into the nearest mountain. Flying sucks to begin with. No leg room, awful food and there’s only so much entertainment, alcohol and naps that can distract you from the fear of instant death from 40,000 ft. Now imagine being stuck in a seat while some Siberian bitch screams bloody murder while taking a literal 8-pound shit from her vagina 8 feet away. Put on your headphones and try to block it out but you can’t shake the smell of stitched-up-snatch that’s overwhelmed the cabin. Try to go to the bathroom and have to step over 5 pounds of placenta just chilling in the aisle with some chickens and other small livestock nibbling on it because it’s a Central Asian flight and that’s the shit that goes down. Worst passenger aviation experience ever. And that includes the Hindenberg.

PS – Flew Air India once from JFK to Heathrow in London to save some money. The $200 saved roundtrip wasn’t worth watching 8 straight hours of “Bollywood Cinema” while sitting next to a 300-pound Indian man who had the distinct smell of curry that has been discharged from Martha Stewart’s vagina. Worst. Flight. Ever.