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It’s a good thing the Phillies won last night so I can write the following about Cole Hamels because it’s true, not because it’s born out of the frustration of another numbing loss.

Not only is the guy the whom the Phillies invested their long-term future in last summer pitching like a bitch, he’s also acting like one again. The sympathy and excuses given to Hamels during his early season struggles are quickly evaporating, and rightfully so. Ask me three months ago, I would have told you the guy who showed up with a mustache launching hot dogs into the stands was about to win a Cy Young. Now the guy looks completely lost.

While win-loss isn’t the most accurate way to gauge a pitcher’s season, guys don’t just trip into a major league leading 11 losses before the calendar gets to July. It’s true princess’ teammates haven’t exactly lit up the scoreboard for him this season, but Hamels has pissed away plenty of opportunities on his own, too.

Of the 29 pitchers in baseball who have thrown at least 100 innings this season, Hamels’ 4.58 ERA is the highest. He’s been the losing pitcher of a game in which he was spotted a four-run lead (Kansas City), and two games in which he was given a three-run lead (Brewers, Mets).

And then there was last night’s horseshit performance where not only did Hamels blow another early lead and fail to pitch at least seven innings for the 12th time in 17 starts, there he was acting all cunty in the dugout after Delmon Young bobbled a game-tying single in the third inning. Forget that Young is a terrible human being and even worse baseball player. Young, fully aware of defensive incompetence, went over to apologize to Hamels, who shrugged him off. Total dick move.

Wonder if he acknowledged him after he saved his ass from another loss with a two-run homer in the 8th inning? Reminds me of 2009 when Hamels menstruated all over the mound every fifth day, giving up home runs, and stomping around the mound like he possessed a labia.

This guy is a fucking mess right now. And after three full months of this, whatever this is, it almost seems impossible, but you have to start wondering if this is ever going to turn around.

Follow me at @RizzoBarstool