Anyone who knows me knows I hate whales. Hate ‘em. There’s a long backstory that involves my parents leaving me alone in a dimly-lit Baltimore Aquarium whale tank room when I was like 5, but I’ll let you fill in the traumatic details. Long story short: maurice will never ever whale watch ever.

So basically this clip for me is like watching Kevin Ware’s leg snap spliced in between gross spider-baby footage. First-person video of multiple speeding killer whales chasing a boat freaks me out something crazy, like when black people see street magic or white people see a group of young black guys walking towards them. How is this not a living nightmare for the rest of you? Whales aren’t your friend because they’re mammals. They will drag you under until you almost drown then EAT YOU. How am I the only person who sees this?